samandfee 1 Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 Anyway guys as this is the top tip section here,this is the best one in my opinion i have received lately...Just bought new Triumph bike last month OK {real}.......My mate said YO Dude, do you know how to experience the thrill of motorcycling for free....go on i said please tell, Anyway he says just sit in front of this here, industrial fan at our place,and i'll fire wasps at your face with this here spud gun. C'mon its funny. Link to post Share on other sites
seemore 66 Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 Thats cruel. I once stood on one such slipway to the aoutbarn/ highway in St Gallen with 6 inches of snow on my beanie freezing my balls off trying to get back to Switzerland. Link to post Share on other sites
Jynxx 4 Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 yeah ... used to hitch a lot. I did it on the same road in the Northern Beaches for 3 years straight and wondered, Gee they must know I live here by then, and all I'm asking is a 10min ride down the straight road... Only ones that pick you up drives old Holdens and Fords. Volvos, Beemers, Mercs, Jap 4wd suvs, forget it ! just makes you arms tired Link to post Share on other sites
seemore 66 Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 Ah the stories I could tell about hitching around Europe Met some wonderful and weird people Link to post Share on other sites
HelperElfMissy 42 Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 Much as I would love to be the VW Combi driving saint who picks up strays along the side of the road - it is just not a safe thing to do. Do guys feel differently about this than girls? Link to post Share on other sites
Go Native 70 Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 I once spent 11 hours of a cold and rainy day in Tierra Del Fuego trying to hitch a ride. There were 3 of us, 2 guys and a girl. Within the first 10 minutes a truck stopped and said he'd take the girl, she took the ride. The other guy and myself had to head back and spend another night in what was a complete shithole of a town. Link to post Share on other sites
thursday 1 Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 I admit to never picking up hitchhikers. In the UK, it's just toooo dangerous in my perception. In reality, it's probably worse. Link to post Share on other sites
mitchpee 10 Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 Originally Posted By: thursday I admit to never picking up hitchhikers. In the UK, it's just toooo dangerous in my perception. In reality, it's probably worse. I pick up hitch hikers in the canyons, that is all. As I have been in their shoes many times. Come down a really great run and you are a mile away from the parking lot, not a fun walk back in ski boots. Link to post Share on other sites
Tubby Beaver 209 Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 only hitch-hiked once and it was in Japan. We were partying and had missed the last train and had to go to my mates a couple of towns over to pick up his....ahem.....**cough**...herbal tobacco Link to post Share on other sites
gareth_oau 2 Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 jeese TB, coughing like that just demonstrates that smoking that tobacco is bad for you Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted December 18, 2009 Share Posted December 18, 2009 We-hey! Another Viz came today. I don't know if that last one was very late or this one very quick, but I'll post some more Viz goodness soon. Link to post Share on other sites
thursday 1 Posted December 18, 2009 Share Posted December 18, 2009 I reckon last month you neighbour nabbed it for a week. And this month, knowing it was not manga porno, he didn't bother. Link to post Share on other sites
brit-gob 9 Posted December 18, 2009 Share Posted December 18, 2009 Marvellous. I will look forward to the laughs. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted December 18, 2009 Share Posted December 18, 2009 Some good laugh out loud moments this one as well. Give me a bit of time. Link to post Share on other sites
thursday 1 Posted December 18, 2009 Share Posted December 18, 2009 get it done. Not as if you're going skiing or doing anything important. Link to post Share on other sites
RobBright 35 Posted December 19, 2009 Share Posted December 19, 2009 when you fall asleep on the train, make sure you set an alarm to wake you up. Link to post Share on other sites
thursday 1 Posted December 19, 2009 Share Posted December 19, 2009 when going to the lav, lift seat to avoid having to wipe down afterwards. And leave up just so that female can have a moan. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted December 19, 2009 Share Posted December 19, 2009 LORRY DRIVERS. Make time appear to stand still by attempting to overtake another lorry while taking care not to actually accellerate. Make your neighbours think that they live next door to Cliff Richard by stapling a rhino's scotum to your neck and having a retired vicar move in with you. SKIERS. Carry a dog biscuit in your pocket. That way, in the event of an avalanche, the rescue dog will find you first. MOTORISTS. Keep a small black spong in your car. If you get pulled over by the police for using your mobile phone while driving, you can grab it and claim you were just cleaning the side of your face. FORMER 10cc member Lol Creme. When text messaging bad news, it is probably best not to add your name at the end as this might cause offence. ROOFERS. Try going up on the roof to inspect it, rather than standing at ground level next to me saying "it needs a lot of work done on it". WALLPAPER manufacturers. Measure the height of an average sized living room, add 3 inches to the top and bottom and then multiply by 4. Then subtract 2 feet just to ensure the bastards can't get four lengths from each rool. PUB LANDLORDS. If you're trying to close for the night but Morrissey is refusing to drink up and leave, simply throw a plastic water bottle at his head and the big t-wat will storm off home in seconds. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted December 19, 2009 Share Posted December 19, 2009 Letters I was in a pub toilet recently. It was immaculately clean and fresh smelling and a sign on the door read "Please leave this toilet as you'd expect to find it". Reluctantly, I smeared shit on the walls, pissed on the seat, bust the lock and buggered off with the bog roll. There's a sign outside the Londis grocery in Fleet Street which says "Open 24 Hours Just For You". I must admit that it's a huge gamble on their part, as I live in Surrey and only rarely pass through the area. British politics is so boring these days and I put it down to the fact that they all look the same. To win back the attention of the voters, I think the Labour Party should dress up as New Romantics and the Conservatives should become Goths. WHILST flicking through the Guinness Book of Records, I noticed that there was no entry for the greatest number of table tennis balls packed into a telephone box. So I claim the record with six and enclose photographic evidence of my record-breaking feat. (Photo of 6 table tennis balls in phone box shown). Has anyone noticed how mobile phones keep on getting smaller every year? What a rip-off. I remember back in the 80's when you got a huge phone for your money, the size of a house brick and the charger weighed a ton. The manufacturers must be coining it in. According to Stalins grandson, he was a really great bloke, and I suppose he knows more about Stalin than anybody. So I bet historians are feeling a bit silly now for making him out to be a right kunt. "I am an anti-christ, I am an antichrist", wailed Johnny Rotten in the 70's. Now he's advetising butter. Come on, Mr Rotten, make your mind up. You can't be an anarchic anti-Christ and a butter salesman, the two things just don't go together. Religious people get on my tits end. When they die, we pay all that money for a funeral and they haven't even got the decency to come back as a ghost and tell us what the afterlife is like. They are never slow to bore the shit out of us when they are alive. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted December 19, 2009 Share Posted December 19, 2009 Twattish rocker Bono has backed a campaign to put the ailing staple industry back on a firm footing. According to official figures, the world used to spend twice as much on staples as it does now. But the advent of the paperless office has seen this amount drop by 50%. But the U2 frontman believes there is still a place for the bent wire paper fastners in our lives, and he is confident that his "Use 2" campaign will be just the boost the industry needs. "I'm asking that every time anyone staples some paper together, they use two staples instead of one", he told the United Nations. "It's a small thing that each of us can do, but it will double turnover", he continued. His voice quavering with emotion, the Dublin-born shortarse outlined how his fears for the future had led him to come up with his Use 2 crusade. "Emails, digital storage of documents and treasury tags are all pushing the staple to the brink of extinction.", he said. "I fear that my children will grow up in a world where staples are just dusty objects on the shelves of a museum". "The earth is standing on a precipice, starting into the abyss", he added, overdramatically. "It's a nightmarish, staple-less, dystopian vision of the future and we have to act now". Bono continued "the worlds saples unite paper for people, and now the worlds people must unite for staples". And he unveiled a poster of himself holding up some papers which had been stapled twice, featuring the slogam "Clunk-clunk! U2 says Use 2". However, a former band employee last night claimed that the singer was failing to practise what he preached. Retired pilot told reporters: "I know for a fact that Bono only ever uses on staple at a time". "When I got my instructions every morning for where I had to fly his hat in an empty jumbo jet, the separate pages were always held together with one staple. And the pilots of his trousers and shoes planes would tell you the same thing". Link to post Share on other sites
sanjo 2 Posted December 20, 2009 Share Posted December 20, 2009 Some of those are simply hilarious love it Link to post Share on other sites
oo 1 Posted December 20, 2009 Share Posted December 20, 2009 I was in a pub toilet recently. It was immaculately clean and fresh smelling and a sign on the door read "Please leave this toilet as you'd expect to find it". Reluctantly, I smeared shit on the walls, pissed on the seat, bust the lock and buggered off with the bog roll. Link to post Share on other sites
pie-eater 207 Posted December 20, 2009 Share Posted December 20, 2009 Inspired. Actually do people sent those in, I suppose they do... they should publich more each time. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted December 20, 2009 Share Posted December 20, 2009 Always the highlight of Viz. Fab stuff. I find most of the strips pretty rubbish actually. Link to post Share on other sites
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