stemik 14 Posted February 20, 2010 Share Posted February 20, 2010 HAKUBA COUNCIL: Make people scrap their cars faster by not filling in potholes created by the snow& ice and f*ck up everyone's suspension. Link to post Share on other sites
stemik 14 Posted February 22, 2010 Share Posted February 22, 2010 NIGERIAN PHISHING SCAMMERS Convince victims you're a genuine bank by ignoring their emails completely. Link to post Share on other sites
HelperElfMissy 42 Posted February 22, 2010 Share Posted February 22, 2010 Originally Posted By: stemik NIGERIAN PHISHING SCAMMERS Convince victims you're a genuine bank by ignoring their emails completely. Link to post Share on other sites
stemik 14 Posted February 24, 2010 Share Posted February 24, 2010 HAKUBA COUNCIL. Re-classify potholes as Inverted Speed Humps and save a fortune. Link to post Share on other sites
muikabochi 208 Posted February 24, 2010 Share Posted February 24, 2010 SKI RESORTS. Help peoplefind clocks by putting signs that say "Clock" right next to the clock. An arrow pointing to the adjacent clock if possible too Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted February 24, 2010 Share Posted February 24, 2010 The clock has it's own topic: http://www.snowjapanforums.com/ubbthreads.php/topics/354311/Useful_signs_at_Japanese_ski_r.html Link to post Share on other sites
stemik 14 Posted February 25, 2010 Share Posted February 25, 2010 BLIND PEOPLE: :-. ::. .-. :: ..- -:-.-:-.:'':---.::-.-:'':':::-..::-'':-:.:-:....:'''::.--::..:-:..:-:.''.: ! Link to post Share on other sites
pie-eater 207 Posted February 26, 2010 Share Posted February 26, 2010 JAPANESE FIGURE SKATERS. Make sure you try to come second in the short program because in the past people in second after the short program have won in the end. JAPANESE FIGURE SKATERS. Of course, if you are good enough, try to come first because that means you actually have more points. Link to post Share on other sites
Metabo Oyaji 71 Posted February 27, 2010 Share Posted February 27, 2010 CURLERS. Rather than using them to brush the ice, experiment with using your brooms to push the stone directly where you want it to go. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted February 27, 2010 Share Posted February 27, 2010 CURLERS. Make your 'sport' just slightly interesting for some people by performing in bikinis like those lovely beach volleyball chicks. Link to post Share on other sites
thursday 1 Posted February 27, 2010 Share Posted February 27, 2010 'cept men curlers Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted February 27, 2010 Share Posted February 27, 2010 Yes, good point. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted February 27, 2010 Share Posted February 27, 2010 MEN CURLERS. Why on earth are you 'playing' curling? Link to post Share on other sites
JA2340 16 Posted February 28, 2010 Share Posted February 28, 2010 MEN CURLERS: Get a haircut - then you'll not need curlers! Link to post Share on other sites
thursday 1 Posted February 28, 2010 Share Posted February 28, 2010 MEN CURLERS: if a woman sees you work so hard with a broom, she'd marry you no matter how trainspotter you are. Then no more curling necessary. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted February 28, 2010 Share Posted February 28, 2010 CURLERS: Curling really is rubbish isn't it. Sorry, that's not a tip. Link to post Share on other sites
stemik 14 Posted March 1, 2010 Share Posted March 1, 2010 UNEMPLOYED people. A blank post-it note stuck on the fridge door will be a useful reminder that you have nothing to do today. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted March 4, 2010 Share Posted March 4, 2010 New Viz in the house! Top tips coming soon! Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted March 4, 2010 Share Posted March 4, 2010 MEN. When asked by your wife "do you prefer this one .... or this one?" simply choose at random because she won't pay any attention to your decision. It'll just be a complete waste of your f***ng time. PREVENT the inconvenience of waiting for energy saving lightbulbs to brighten up by simply leaving them switched on all the time. HOMEOWNERS. When going upstairs, walk up two and then back one. That way your neighbours will think you have more stairs than them. ENVIRONMENTALLY friendly masturbators. Use one of the socks you have worn that day as your evening wank sock. The sock would have requied washing anyway, thus reducing your carbon footprint. WOMEN. Discourage men from looking at your breasts by wearing a skirt short enough to see your knickers. POLICE OFFICERS on TV's The Bill. Avoid giving suspect criminals a 100 yard head start by not shouting "Oi!" when you see them at that distance. LIAM GALLAGHER. When singing, lower the microphone a bit so as it's in front of your mouth. This will prevent any unnecessary neckstrain. How you could stop being a *unt, though, is beyond me, I'm afraid. OFFICE PARTY GOERS. Impress your colleagues when photocopying your genitals by setting the machine to enlarge to 400%. This works for men only, as the results are less impressive for women. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted March 4, 2010 Share Posted March 4, 2010 LETTERS: I noticed on my bottle of shampoo, the instructions 'lather, rinse, repeat'. Could someone please tell me when I should stop, only I've been washing my hair for about 3 weeks now. Surely it must be clean. Just before Christmas I saw a show on BBC3 called Most Annoying People of 2009. I don't know why the BBC are suddenly so anti-annoying people. They usually give them their own show. It's handy that Nigella Lawson's new cookbook comes with wipe-clean pages as I've just given the picture on the front cover a right old caning. I sat down with my family last night to watch a film called British Bukkake Babes, and I have to say, we didn't laugh once. Whilst watching a re-run of The Crystal Maze, I was intrigued to see that the Futuristic Zone didn't contain such things as flat screen TVs or even half-decent computers. What is going to go wrong in the future, I wonder, to return us to 1980's technology. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted March 4, 2010 Share Posted March 4, 2010 According to Lance Armstrong's autobiography, "it's not about the bike". While there may be some truth to that, I would like to have seen him try to win five Tour de Frances on a Raleigh Chopper. I get tired of your magazine constantly having a go at pop star Bono, so I want to be the first to write in and stand up for him. Alright, he's an utter tw*t with a high opinion of himself and a bit of a shortarse, but come on. Give the man a break! Do any of your readrs, like me, reckon that Hobbits have really thick cocks? It is certainly never alluded to in the Lord of the Rings trilogy, it's just something I feel to be true. I've just bought some hand wash called Pure Indulgence. Now, I'm sorry, but I don't consider washing cat shit off my hands as pure indulgence. Pure indulgence for me would be knocking one out whilst Davina McCall jumps about in that red catsuit she wears in the Sky TV advert. Whilst on amazon.co.uk recently, I saw that people who bought the 'Long eared owl garden bird scarer deterrent' also bought Terminator Salvation. With bees nearing extinction, wouldn't it be nice if wasps cleaned up their act a bit and took over the honey-making duties? Link to post Share on other sites
thursday 1 Posted March 4, 2010 Share Posted March 4, 2010 there are some goodies this time. "I get tired of your magazine constantly having a go at pop star Bono, so I want to be the first to write in and stand up for him. Alright, he's an utter tw*t with a high opinion of himself and a bit of a shortarse, but come on. Give the man a break! " Link to post Share on other sites
BagOfCrisps 24 Posted March 4, 2010 Share Posted March 4, 2010 Originally Posted By: grungy-gonads OFFICE PARTY GOERS. Impress your colleagues when photocopying your genitals by setting the machine to enlarge to 400%. This works for men only, as the results are less impressive for women. This one is good. Link to post Share on other sites
RobBright 35 Posted March 4, 2010 Share Posted March 4, 2010 AUSSIE MEN: Increase you chances of pulling in Niseko, by thinking of some new chat up lines instead of "do you like gin? how about whisky? I have Canadian club at my dorm. want to drink some?" I did actually here this last weekend. Outside of Ezo's seafood. Link to post Share on other sites
Nisoko 6 Posted March 4, 2010 Share Posted March 4, 2010 Was this directed to Japanese ladies? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts