DumbStick 13 Posted September 5, 2012 Share Posted September 5, 2012 Difficult, or not, one this. Brother in law is ill and going to not be with us for more than a few more weeks. Go back for funeral - in the US - or not. Obviously I would like to, but just don't know if I can, or if I will be expected. Any thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
HelperElfMissy 42 Posted September 5, 2012 Share Posted September 5, 2012 Sorry to hear that your BIL has come to the end of his journey. The decision to go will really depend on your situation, the families situation and whether or not you want to be there, or are needed at home. Will your sister need you? Do you want to get there to see him BEFORE he goes? Number one thing of importance is that your situation and decision is unique to you. What others think does not matter. Link to post Share on other sites
DumbStick 13 Posted September 5, 2012 Author Share Posted September 5, 2012 Thanks Mamabear good point. I don't think she will need me as such, but I feel quite strongly that I want to be there. I only saw him recently and so it will be a case of 'after'. Link to post Share on other sites
HelperElfMissy 42 Posted September 5, 2012 Share Posted September 5, 2012 Then you need to go my friend. Life is too short (as your BIL will be acutely aware) to have regrets. Travel safe. Link to post Share on other sites
Thundercat 60 Posted September 5, 2012 Share Posted September 5, 2012 I've gone back for a few funerals over the years and the only one I regret was the one I couldn't get back for. Never regretted going back for the ones that I was able to attend. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
snowbender 3 Posted September 5, 2012 Share Posted September 5, 2012 Sorry to hear that. A worry things like this being so ar away. One of those don't want to think about things. Agree with BM Link to post Share on other sites
snowdude 44 Posted September 5, 2012 Share Posted September 5, 2012 Sorry to hear that! This is something that my brother and I worry about as he is in Australia and me here in Japan! Link to post Share on other sites
scouser 4 Posted September 5, 2012 Share Posted September 5, 2012 I'm sure you'll do what you think is right for you. I know in my case I would be on the way back, even though it's about 21 hours door to door for me, so a fair trek. And not cheap either of course. I also know what you mean about not wanting to think about it. Up until now I have not had to go back at short notice for any reason, thankfully. Not always going to be that way though I would think. Link to post Share on other sites
RobBright 35 Posted September 5, 2012 Share Posted September 5, 2012 For family members, it's something I worry about, but there is never any question of not going. What gets me more, after our recent jaunt back, is how much, and even more with kids, I miss my family. Yet I made this choice to live here, and start a family. Link to post Share on other sites
pie-eater 207 Posted September 6, 2012 Share Posted September 6, 2012 I went home earlier this year for an 'unplanned' family event. I am glad I did it. Good luck, hope your b-i-l doesn't suffer. If there is a good god, he won't allow such things. Link to post Share on other sites
Chriselle 158 Posted September 6, 2012 Share Posted September 6, 2012 I think we are all in this same boat. I had my best friends father suddenly pass last year. I was close to him throughout my childhood but I did not go back to his funeral and although I don't have many regrets in my life that is the one that stays on my mind. If you can swing it ....go. It's tough as we get older. My MIL here is 84 and that's the one thing my wife worries about if we move to Canada....And my parents back home aren't getting any younger these days either....and me being an only child.... Mum and dad went over all the Will "stuff" with me this last trip back home....definitely awkward and weird. But then ...hey....I might get hit by a bus or choke on some mochi tomorrow so....screw it....enjoy the day.. Link to post Share on other sites
ippy 66 Posted September 6, 2012 Share Posted September 6, 2012 I know i might sound a little cold here, but i never went back for either of my grandfathers funerals. I dont really regret it in truth. In fact it doesnt really bother me at all. Indeed, im so not close to my family that still internally wrangling with the idea of going back with my dads. He wouldnt care. But i expect my sister might so id be more going back to keep her happy than for myself. Link to post Share on other sites
big-will 7 Posted September 6, 2012 Share Posted September 6, 2012 Luckily I haven't had to decide, but I'm pretty sure I would be going back for family, definitely for the main close family of course. Link to post Share on other sites
HelperElfMissy 42 Posted September 6, 2012 Share Posted September 6, 2012 I know i might sound a little cold here, but i never went back for either of my grandfathers funerals. I dont really regret it in truth. In fact it doesnt really bother me at all. Indeed, im so not close to my family that still internally wrangling with the idea of going back with my dads. He wouldnt care. But i expect my sister might so id be more going back to keep her happy than for myself.It's not cold. It's personal, and situational.Every family and family relationship is different. And every persons preferences are different. Link to post Share on other sites
ippy 66 Posted September 6, 2012 Share Posted September 6, 2012 I know i might sound a little cold here, but i never went back for either of my grandfathers funerals. I dont really regret it in truth. In fact it doesnt really bother me at all. Indeed, im so not close to my family that still internally wrangling with the idea of going back with my dads. He wouldnt care. But i expect my sister might so id be more going back to keep her happy than for myself.It's not cold. It's personal, and situational.Every family and family relationship is different. And every persons preferences are different. Thats exactly how i would have put it too Link to post Share on other sites
joshnii 2 Posted September 6, 2012 Share Posted September 6, 2012 I would be on the first plane home if something happened to my parents or my brother/sister. No questions asked. For me, it's one of the possible cost of living here, if that makes sense. Link to post Share on other sites
BagOfCrisps 24 Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 Feel for you mate. Do what you think you want to do. Link to post Share on other sites
xxx 2 Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 Here is something to consider, don't know if it fits in with your situation. She will likely be very busy around funeral - perhaps go a few weeks later when things have calmed down and you can spend more quality time. Link to post Share on other sites
brit-gob 9 Posted September 8, 2012 Share Posted September 8, 2012 That is actually a really good idea. Perhaps give your sister the chance to choose. Link to post Share on other sites
NoFakie 45 Posted September 8, 2012 Share Posted September 8, 2012 Go back for funeral - in the US - or not. Obviously I would like to, but just don't know if I can, or if I will be expected. Any thoughts? On the issue of "can go", I would expect pretty much every Japanese company to give you the time off for someone as close as a sister's husband, even if its not as long a break as you might like. I wouldn't be surprised if your coworkers had a whip round as well. As for "is it expected", that's up to your family and how close you are, I suppose. Link to post Share on other sites
best skier in hakuba 5 Posted September 9, 2012 Share Posted September 9, 2012 If they will have many people at the funeral and will of course be busy that might well be a good idea. Perhaps give them the choice. Tell them you intend to come and which would they prefer. Never know what people are thinking especially in a situation such as that. Link to post Share on other sites
DumbStick 13 Posted September 24, 2012 Author Share Posted September 24, 2012 OK the news came in over the weekend. As much as everyone was prepared for it, and in a way better that it did not drag on too long, it's still a shock to hear. A few weeks ago we spoke about this and decided that I would go back a bit after funeral so that we can spend more time. So looks like I'll be going back for an unexpected trip soon. Link to post Share on other sites
BagOfCrisps 24 Posted September 24, 2012 Share Posted September 24, 2012 Sorry to hear that dumbstick Link to post Share on other sites
HelperElfMissy 42 Posted September 24, 2012 Share Posted September 24, 2012 My condolences. Link to post Share on other sites
Slippery Jim 65 Posted September 24, 2012 Share Posted September 24, 2012 Sorry to hear it. Link to post Share on other sites
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