pie-eater 207 Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 Good work, young man Link to post Share on other sites
kokodoko 67 Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 thanks GG, muchly appreciated. i liked the ones about the proclaimers and the wee in the pool especially.. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted April 2, 2012 Share Posted April 2, 2012 Hi Top Tips fans. Good news. New Viz arrived yesterday. And I'm not going to make you wait this time!! Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted April 2, 2012 Share Posted April 2, 2012 During the 1970s, I was a teacher at a private preparatary school in the south of England. I installed hidden cameras in the changing rooms so I could watch the boys to make sure there was no bullying or horseplay in the showers. These days people would no doubt put two and two together to make five and I'd be hauled over the coals and called every name under the sun. People's dirty minds sadden me. They say that the Royal family earn all their millions because they bring an awful lot of tourists into this country. Well my brothers a coach driver, and he fetches thousands of the bastards in every day from Heathrow. He only gets paid about 12 grand plus tips. Wayne Hemingway was on the telly this morning talking about London Fashion Week, and he said that men over 35 should not wear jeans. Well, he'd like that, wouldn't he, if we middle aged men all walked round without any trousers on so he could look at our bottoms. And I thought he was married with kids. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted April 2, 2012 Share Posted April 2, 2012 A cash machine has just charged me 2 quid for a transaction but still told me to cover my PIN to prevent me from being robbed. Pretty ironic if you ask me. Why do people make such a fuss about birds flying south in the winter? Everyone slags pigeons off but at least they stay here and put up with the cold like the rest of us. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted April 2, 2012 Share Posted April 2, 2012 "Let not your left hand know what your right hand is doing", says the Bible. Well most of the time my right hand is having a wank. And I can't keep it a secret from my left hand because that's usually holding the sock. I was wondering if any of your readers have been given stupid name by their "out of their minds" parents. To get you started, mine called me Zond, the bastards. During the 1970's I was a teacher at a preparatory school in the south of England. I used to regularly inspect the boys' tassels to make sure everything was as it should be in the prepuce, glans and scrotum department. In thirty years at the school, I never found a single child who needed to be referred to a doctor for tassel treatment, but had I done, I am sure their parents would have been very grateful. These days I'd probably be hauled over the coals and called every name under the sun. The way this world is going really saddens me. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted April 2, 2012 Share Posted April 2, 2012 I agree those orca whales in SeaWorld should be given human rights and set free. Except, of course, for that one who killed his trainer a few years ago. He should get the electric chair. They can't have it both ways. So apparently it's called "dogging" if you watch a couple having sex in a car parked in a secluded layby, but what is it called if you see some geezer wanking while driving a black Audi A4 along the M74 near Abington on 14th January 2012? During the 1970's I was a teacher at a preparatory school in the south of England. Every morning after prayers the boys would be encouraged to swim naked in our outdoor dipping pond. I myself would join them, smearing myself with oil and encouraging the young scamps to treat me like a slide when entering the water. I would use my erection to stop them slipping in too quickly, urging them to grab hold of it as they whooshed down my greased torso. A great time was had by all, but I dare say that these days I'd probably be hauled over the coals and called every name under the sun. I sometimes wonder what sort of a world we are making for ourselves. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted April 2, 2012 Share Posted April 2, 2012 Seagulls. Take the piss by eating peoples rubbish in the morning and then shitting it back at them that afternoon. Bastards! People on the right. If you would prefer to wap bam boogie, please ensure you move to the left, otherwise you may have to boogaloo instead. Before phoning the police to tell them you have a kangeroo in the garden, check it's not the next door neighbours greyhound taking a dump. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted April 2, 2012 Share Posted April 2, 2012 Workers. IF you are last to leave your workplace at night, pretend you are in the finale of a sitcom by reaching for the lights, then turning and looking round one last time before smiling, then switching the lights off and walking out. Make your own Siamese cat by getting 2 regular cats and simply glueing their heads together. All TV football commentators. Use pretentious and grammatically incorrect phrases like "thus far" and "unconsequentially" to make your blatherings even more insightful and fascinating. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted April 2, 2012 Share Posted April 2, 2012 Greece is full of ancient statues from Greek and Roman times. I've seen on Flog It, Bargain Hunt and Dickinson's Real Deal where this sort of stuff is worth hundreds of pounds. If you ask me, the Greeks ought to put some of their valuable treasures up for auction before deciding to come round the rest of Europe with their begging bowl in their hand. It's no wonder the Greek economy is in such a state when they spend all their money building parthenons. They can't come cheap, and that's before they put the roof on! I bet they wish they still had a few of their philosophers kicking about. If Aristotle, Plato and Archimedes put their thinking caps on, I'm sure they'd come up with a solution to Greek's economic problems lickety-split. What's the point of us handing over money to the Greeks. They won't be able to spend anything we send because they have Euros and we have Pounds. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted April 2, 2012 Share Posted April 2, 2012 Switzerland is the economic powerhouse of the world, and they make proper cheese. Perhaps if the Greeks puller their finger out and made some proper cheese instead of that crumbly smegma they sprinkle on their salads, they wouldn't need bailing out so often. It's certainly worth thinking about. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted April 2, 2012 Share Posted April 2, 2012 I've got two goldfish that are absolutely identical. In fact, they might even be twins. As I am unable to tell them apart, I call them both Dave. I've also got a goldfish. I call mine Goldie, because it's got big fishy lips and reminds me of the actress Goldie Hawn after she had them collagen implants. I have a pet kangeroo, and like all male kangeroos he had a bifurcated (split in two) penis, that is to say a pair of big bellends. I call him Stingbono. My brother also has got a kangeroo which he calls Morrisseynoeledmonds. That's it for this time. Phew. Link to post Share on other sites
hellyer 216 Posted April 2, 2012 Share Posted April 2, 2012 Top stuff those top tips GG I can Imagine all the teachers on this forum giggling about the good old days and reminiscing And the Kangaroo/Greyhound one..................I keep picturing it in my head and cracking up Link to post Share on other sites
pie-eater 207 Posted April 2, 2012 Share Posted April 2, 2012 Good ones! I like both the kangaroo-themed tips. Link to post Share on other sites
muikabochi 208 Posted April 2, 2012 Share Posted April 2, 2012 always good for a laugh out loud moment Link to post Share on other sites
brit-gob 9 Posted April 4, 2012 Share Posted April 4, 2012 Good ones this time Link to post Share on other sites
pie-eater 207 Posted April 14, 2012 Share Posted April 14, 2012 Doctor Poo http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZahysN2sIIw Link to post Share on other sites
hellyer 216 Posted April 14, 2012 Share Posted April 14, 2012 So funny I nearly Sh.... myself laughing Link to post Share on other sites
pie-eater 207 Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 Did you notice the theme song? Link to post Share on other sites
2pints-mate 0 Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 Haha never seen that. Was it a series? Link to post Share on other sites
pie-eater 207 Posted April 16, 2012 Share Posted April 16, 2012 I really don't know. Need to try and check out some more viz clips actually. Link to post Share on other sites
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