grungy-gonads 54 Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 Sorry folks for the unacceptable delay. I will need a few more eons to get it going bit busy today. Link to post Share on other sites
big-will 7 Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 Where are your priorities! Link to post Share on other sites
pie-eater 207 Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 Obviously very silly ones. Link to post Share on other sites
BagOfCrisps 24 Posted May 11, 2011 Share Posted May 11, 2011 You guys could just as easily hop on a plane back to England to buy a copy. Link to post Share on other sites
pie-eater 207 Posted May 12, 2011 Share Posted May 12, 2011 I'm so worked up and outraged about this, I think I just might! Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted May 12, 2011 Share Posted May 12, 2011 So sorry to have neglected this and caused untold pain for so many. I promise to get some up... by tomorrow! Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 Did I say today? Link to post Share on other sites
muikabochi 208 Posted May 18, 2011 Share Posted May 18, 2011 We haven't forgotten you know Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted May 18, 2011 Share Posted May 18, 2011 Yikes I forgot. Very sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted May 18, 2011 Share Posted May 18, 2011 I recently passed an escalator which had a murial painted on the wall next to it. Making a rough estimate of the amount of time the mural would have taken to complete, I calculated that the poor artist must have walked up approximately 28,800 steps whilst painting it. Three cheers for Burger King! Whilst visiting central London I popped into one of their fast food outlets and ordered a meal. Inspired by their advertising slogan "Have it your way", I asked the assistant if I could have my sorry-looking burger on a rubbish-strewn table next to a sleeping tramp who had blood all over his forehead. And I have to say, they really delivered the goods. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted May 18, 2011 Share Posted May 18, 2011 In the Head and Shoulders advert, why does Jenson Button seem to use it to wash his pubes? He can keep it. Mine are vivacious enough without assistance, thank you very much. Call me uncharitable, but I find the Comic Relief segments where they present footage of landmine victims and starving children less harrowing to watch than the bit where the newreaders all dance. I would like to thank the gentleman who not only shat on the floor of Room 117 of the Wessex Hotel in Street, Somerset on the 24th March, but also stood in it and walked over the carper. You are a true kunt. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted May 18, 2011 Share Posted May 18, 2011 My missus is going away for the weekend and I'm torn between how best to spend my time. Would it be more productive to put up those shelves in the bathroom, or to wank myself dry over torrid internet porn and then sit around in my pants watching Mythbusters and eating curry? I'm sure other Viz readers have faced similar conundrums and appreciate any input. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted May 18, 2011 Share Posted May 18, 2011 Wouldn't it be more appropriate if glamour models were called tit models? As I am yet to see a glamour model do something glamorous but I always see them with their tits out. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted May 18, 2011 Share Posted May 18, 2011 You often hear it said that "the truest things are said in jest". Well the other day my mate John told me a joke about a talking monkey going into a bar, and frankly I don't believe a word of it. Apparently it costs 95000 quid a year to keep a prisoner. What the hell are these people thinking? I've got a cat, which is much cheaper and is yet to murder me. Here is Australia I am still waiting for Issue 202, and when I asked my newsagent why it was so late he told me it was because of pirates. PIRTATES! Has anyone ever been given a better excuse for Viz being late? Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted May 18, 2011 Share Posted May 18, 2011 I don't think we should buy Trident nuclear missiles until we've used up the ones we've already got. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted May 18, 2011 Share Posted May 18, 2011 Rebellious Arabs. Increase your chances of overthrowing a well-armed military dictatorship by not firing half your ammo into the sky every time you drive past a BBC camera crew. Recreate a visit to the homeopath by simply drinking some tap water and throwing 50 quid out of the window. When hosting dinner sophisticated dinner parties, make all your guests drink out of the same glass, thus confusing CSI-style forensic teams in the event of someone being murdered. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted May 18, 2011 Share Posted May 18, 2011 Help the overstretched emergency services by making daily 999 calls letting them know you won't be needing them. Make people think they are offside by letting them walk past you then stopping dead and raising one arm in the air. Pretend you're on the set of Michael Jacksons Thriller by going to Wetherspoons at 11am. Mobility scooter drivers. Attach a string of bananas behind your vehicles for that exciting "Mario Kart" look. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted May 18, 2011 Share Posted May 18, 2011 Fool power station workers into thinking EastEnders has finished by getting up and putting your kettle on. Convince your wife you have auto-cue problems by shuffling some papers and staring blankly at her when she asks you a question. Remind yourself why you've never arranged a school reunion by logging onto Facebook. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted May 18, 2011 Share Posted May 18, 2011 Throwing confetti over yourself while on the bog adds a touch of glamour to the occasion. Make your partner think they are on Question Time by hovering a fishing rod above their sofa when they talk to you. Explore the workings of your digestive system by swallowing a fridge magnet and covering your stomach in iron filings. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted May 18, 2011 Share Posted May 18, 2011 Men. Convince lady colleagues you are Gok Wan by constantly grabbing their bangers and asking to see their pants. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted May 18, 2011 Share Posted May 18, 2011 That's it for this time folks. Some good ones but generally below average I think actually. Link to post Share on other sites
pie-eater 207 Posted May 18, 2011 Share Posted May 18, 2011 Originally Posted By: grungy-gonads In the Head and Shoulders advert, why does Jenson Button seem to use it to wash his pubes? He can keep it. Mine are vivacious enough without assistance, thank you very much. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 Fabulous news Top Tips fans. The new Viz arrived today. So sometime (not so) soon I will provide some more laughs and giggles amongst the genuinely useful advice. Link to post Share on other sites
muikabochi 208 Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 That is fine news. Link to post Share on other sites
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