muikabochi 208 Posted December 8, 2012 Share Posted December 8, 2012 come on gg Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted December 8, 2012 Share Posted December 8, 2012 need....... more...... t......... time........ Link to post Share on other sites
JA2340 16 Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 3 days should be enough t...time! Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 Haven't read them myself yet Link to post Share on other sites
JA2340 16 Posted December 10, 2012 Share Posted December 10, 2012 Well, get on with it, then!! What do we pay you for??? Link to post Share on other sites
BagOfCrisps 24 Posted December 10, 2012 Share Posted December 10, 2012 Refunds if not by tomorrow I reckon. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 I still have to get on this don't I? Link to post Share on other sites
onehunga 26 Posted December 13, 2012 Share Posted December 13, 2012 Yes please, even though many of the tips seem to be recycled from the early 90s when I was in England and read Viz I still enjoy reading them. So if you get a bit of free time please post the new top tips, thanks Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted December 13, 2012 Share Posted December 13, 2012 Struggling with software and excited about incoming iMac. Will try. Link to post Share on other sites
Alexander L 80 Posted December 13, 2012 Share Posted December 13, 2012 Re-cycled???? are you sure? Link to post Share on other sites
hellyer 216 Posted December 13, 2012 Share Posted December 13, 2012 This feels almost sacriligous but to keep the impatient at bay i have posted a few tips below. This is in no way an attempt to hijack the previously outstanding work of Mr Gonads and I kook forward to him resuming normal transmission shortly. GAMBLERS. For a new gambling opportunity, try sending a £50 to yourself by Royal Mail. A GUINEA pig makes an ideal paint roller for your next home make over. Use a mouse for areas that need finer detail. GIRLS. DURING the warm weather, keep your discarded pullover or jacket draped over your shoulders and not tied around your waist, as this prevents us from looking at your bottom. EMO KIDS. Get revenge on everyone that 'doesn't care' by cutting yourself in unseen places. That'll show 'em. DIABOLISTS. For the full effect when photographing Satan, make sure to switch off your camera's red-eye reduction feature. VACUUM CLEANER manufacturers. Put a smiley face on your machines. It really makes us laugh at six o'clock in the morning when the lead gets tangled around chair legs and keeps overbalancing. Link to post Share on other sites
hellyer 216 Posted December 13, 2012 Share Posted December 13, 2012 One late one that really tickled my fancy HOUSEWIVES. Wean your husbands onto raw eggs without them realising by removing the sand from your egg timer one grain at a time. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted December 14, 2012 Share Posted December 14, 2012 明日 がんばります Link to post Share on other sites
kokodoko 67 Posted December 14, 2012 Share Posted December 14, 2012 thank you. i like the guinea pig and egg ones the best... Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted December 16, 2012 Share Posted December 16, 2012 I got fetched in from work yesterday because my son had been sick during a maths lesson at school, and it got me wondering. What would Ben Dover do if he was at work making a porn film and his son's teacher rang up to say young Tyger Drew had thrown up in a maths lesson? Would he drop everything and drive straight round to the school with a big bone on? Or would he wait until he had blown his stack up some woman's back and then go in to fetch him? You never see anything in the news about Finland, do you? It's too quiet over there, and I think those Finns are up to something. Have any of your readers been to Finland lately, and if so, did they see anything suspicious? I can't believe it when prostitutes complain about the way they are forced to make their money. Getting paid to have it off with members of the opposite sex would be my dream job. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted December 16, 2012 Share Posted December 16, 2012 Do any of your readers know when the official cut off point is for people talking about "funny things that happened in Friends"? It's just that they stopped making it over 10 years ago. I don't mind sending a few bob over to Africa now and again but as well as building schools and wells, why don't they use a bit of it to build a bridge for all those wilderbeasts who get eaten by crocodiles every year crossing the Serengeti River? The plumber who lives next door to me has a sign on the back of his van that says "No tools left inside overnight", but every evening when he comes home he never brings a single tool in with him. I am sick and tired of all these small traders and their false advertising claims. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted December 16, 2012 Share Posted December 16, 2012 Scientists say that a 10km wide crater is the site of a meteor strike that wiped out the dinosaurs. Well I simply don't believe that all the dinosaurs on earth were huddled together in this one crater when it struck. These so called scientists should really think through their theories before making such outlandish claims. Why do people on the American continent give hurricanes names? Maybe you would get more sympathy from the rest of the world if you didn't get so emotionally attached to these violent gusts of wind. They say an apple a day keeps the doctor away. I wish I had listened to them as I have eaten a pear a day for the last 41 years, and am now suffering from chronic depression. What's more I've got a big boil on my arse that needs lancing. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted December 16, 2012 Share Posted December 16, 2012 Why don't they try Jimmy Saville by ouija board, similar to a court video link but with some gobshite claiming to be contacting the dead. I'd pick that Derek Acorah to carry out the nonsense, aided by Yvette Fielding who could scream hysterically now and then for no reason. Then once Saville is "in the room", Acorah's Indian spirit guide Sam could chop his balls off with his tomahawk. Having fancied her for some time, I climbed into my wifes best friends bed and gave her one during a holiday in Devon recently. Imagine my surprise when our grunting and bad language managed to wake up her husband, who was sleeping next to her at the time. Thankfully, being British, he had the good manners to let us finish, before ordering a cream tea for us all and deciding never to talk about it again in case it spoiled the holiday. When my daughter had the mumps, Shakin' Stevens lacked the decency to call to find out how she was faring. We are still waiting for him to show any degree of concern. If we are ever introduced to him, I shall give him a piece of my mind. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted December 16, 2012 Share Posted December 16, 2012 More later. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted December 16, 2012 Share Posted December 16, 2012 World famous tit model Dita Von Teese says that she wasted too much time in her twenties worrying about "body angst". It's a shame she didn't pop round to my house at that time, as I would quite happily have put her mind to rest. Which is more than I would have done for her arse, which I'd have given a right good hammering, 3 or 4 times a day at least. Well if you ask me, kiwi fruits just look like shaved tarantula arses. No thanks, fruit and veg police. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted December 16, 2012 Share Posted December 16, 2012 I was shopping in Asda earlier today and not a single member of staff was slapping their own buttocks. It is blatant false advertising and I shall not be shopping there again. If I were a footballer on John Terrys team, I'd roll the ball in dogshit before training, then get him to head it. Or I'd kick it into a bunch of stingy nettles and make him fetch it. That's sort him out. Unfortunately, however, I'm not a footballer. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted December 16, 2012 Share Posted December 16, 2012 Prevent your pet worm from getting lonely by cutting it in half. Instead of looking left and right while crossing a road, why not save time by looking straight ahead, as the resulting tangent is the same. Save money on expensive summer and winter duvets by using a large sheet of raw puff pastry in summer and then cooking it in winter. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted December 16, 2012 Share Posted December 16, 2012 Toffee lovers. If you've mislaid your toffee hammer, simply post the intact slab to yourself using Parcelforce. It will eventually turn up on your doorstep broken into hundreds of bitesize pieces. Get the feeling of spending a week in Guernsey by spending an afternoon in Guernsey. /end Link to post Share on other sites
muikabochi 208 Posted December 17, 2012 Share Posted December 17, 2012 Thanks gg. Link to post Share on other sites
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