grungy-gonads 54 Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 You know I purposefully delay it when you moan like that Link to post Share on other sites
Goosie 0 Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 Haha, very funny. Anymore new ones? Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted July 23, 2011 Share Posted July 23, 2011 "The sun always shines on TV" sang Norwegian popsters A-ha in 1985. What absolute nonsense. I'm watching Granada Reports and it looks like it's pissing it down. Back in 1974 my friend told me that Chinese ladies' fannies went sideways instead of front to back. But in 2005 Katie Melua informed us that there were 9 million bicycles in Beijing. That means either 4.5 million people in Beijing are enduring a very uncomfortable daily commute to work or she is a liar. I for one won't be buying any of her CDs until this whole sorry mess is cleared up. At the beginning of The Apprentice contestants are woken up to be told they have to be ready in 30 minutes before the car picks them up. That's be me #%$$ed from the start, as it takes me at least 40 minutes to have a shit in the morning. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted July 23, 2011 Share Posted July 23, 2011 Unbeknown to me, every time I purchase a "sneaky treat" from the local Tesco petrol station and use my Clubcard it records what I've bought which in turn adds those items to our "favourites" on the onliny shopping facility. So you can imagine my surprise when last night my wife and I did an online shop, and up popped all my secret chocolate bars, fags and porn mags. Thanks Tesco. Every little didn't help this time. I recently saw an advert for the Dettol No-Touch hand wash system. The selling point was that you don't need to touch the bottle for the liquid to come out, and thus avoid contact with any germs which may be on the dispenser. Thank heavens for Dettol. God forbid you should touch something with germs on it immediately prior to washing your hands. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted July 23, 2011 Share Posted July 23, 2011 Whilst watching a BBC documentary, I learnt that Hasidic Jews aren't allowed to fart whilst wearing a hat. What a fantastic religion. I'm surprised more people haven't joined that one. Jewish women must keep their heads covered with a hat at all times in the synagogue, so what happens if they need to pass wind during the service? It seems that God has them over a barrel. "It's not about the money, we don't need your money, it's not about the price tag, we just want to make the world dance", sings Jessie J. This being the case, can she explain why one of her concert tickets costs 55 quid plus 5 quid postage fee. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted July 23, 2011 Share Posted July 23, 2011 Could any of your readers tell me if the world ended on May 21st as I live in Birkenhead and quite frankly it's very difficult to tell. I could understand that footballer taking out a "super injunction" if he had been caught shagging someone like Gail out of Coronation Street instead of Imogen from Big Brother. If it was me shagging Imogen, I would want everyone to know about it. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted July 23, 2011 Share Posted July 23, 2011 I announced to my 1732 Facebook friends that I was moving house last weekend and could do with a lift and not one of the fkkers turned up. Some friends they turned out to be. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted July 23, 2011 Share Posted July 23, 2011 Wearing an ipod whilst making love to your wife will block out her complaints for doing so. Calculate your body weight by standing on the scales wearing your shoes, note the weight, x. Then weigh one of your shoes and note the weight, y. Your bodyweight, w, is then given by the equation w = x-2y. Save space in your freezer by storing frozen peas in the holes in potato waffles. Saturday night party revellers. Please note that your kebab is not a reliable source of navigation. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted July 23, 2011 Share Posted July 23, 2011 Cheddar and Mini Cheddar cheese biscuits make tasty replacements for lost "Spirograph" drawing wheels. Wait until your wife has major dental surgery and then ask for a blow job. With all the anaesthetic it will feel like someone else is doing it. WOMEN. When complaining that your relationship "doesn't have the magic it used to", bear in mind that some of the magic might have been conjured up by you giving your fella a really good seeing to at every available opportunity, rather than responding with utter indifference to all his suggestions that perhaps you might like to have sex sometime, seeing as it's been 18 sodding months without. Just saying. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted July 23, 2011 Share Posted July 23, 2011 Justify drinking alone by surfing Facebook at the same time. Hey Presto! You're now a social drinker! Lion tamers. Add extra excitement to placing your head in a lions mouth by first putting a fruit pastille on it's tongue. Ref: Click to reveal.. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted July 23, 2011 Share Posted July 23, 2011 That's it folks! Link to post Share on other sites
pie-eater 207 Posted July 23, 2011 Share Posted July 23, 2011 Haha good ones gg. Ta. Link to post Share on other sites
xxx 2 Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 Does Viz make all these up themselves or do people send them in? Always make me chuckle, some laugh out loud. Link to post Share on other sites
r45 4 Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 People can and do send in. Link to post Share on other sites
brit-gob 9 Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 Recently how are the comic strips in Viz gg? Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 Rubbish basically. Recently I haven't even really been reading them. It's just the Top Tips, Letterbox and some of the "articles" that make you laugh really. Link to post Share on other sites
BagOfCrisps 24 Posted July 29, 2011 Share Posted July 29, 2011 Yes they are a waste of space and paper really. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted August 24, 2011 Share Posted August 24, 2011 Good news Top Tips fans. New Viz has arrived! Hurray! Link to post Share on other sites
muikabochi 208 Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 Come on gg, get your act together! Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 Haven't even taken a shufty myself yet. Been seeing to other things. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 I just realized that I now have two issues that I haven't reported on. But I'm still 'on hols' so sometime this week. Link to post Share on other sites
big-will 7 Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 Come on gg, get your act together! Link to post Share on other sites
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