The Friday thread!

[thursday 1]

I got this from a friend. It's useful info.

 

 

Scam at home depot

 

A "heads up" for you and any of your guy friends who may be regular Home Depot customers.

 

Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you.

 

Here's how the scam works:

 

Two very good-looking 22 or 23-year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your up the trunk. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T- shirts. Seriously, it's impossible not to look.

 

When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say "No" and instead ask you for a ride to another Home Depot store. That's where the scam really begins. You agree and they jump in the back seat. On the way, they start having sex with each other as you are driving. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts to perform oral sex on you, while the other one steals your wallet.

 

I had my wallet stolen Sep 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th and three times just yesterday. This is very likely to happen again this upcoming weekend too as soon as I can buy some more wallets.

[SKI 15]

[stemik 14]

Friday Joke

A man and his camel were lost in the desert for months. The man got really horny and decided, what the hell, a camel is better than nothing.

 

He put the camel in position, climbed behind the camel, and just as he was about to enter the camel, it ran off. He chased the camel down and tried again, but it ran away again.

 

He tried this five more times before he came across a beautiful woman lying in the desert. She was dehydrated and close to death. He took the woman to a oasis and revived her.

 

The grateful woman wakes up and says to the man, "Thank you for saving my life. I will do anything for you."

 

The man smiles and replies, "Anything? Really?"

 

"Yes," the woman says, "Anything."

 

"Well," the man says. "Will you hold my camel for me so he stops running away?"

[stemik 14]

Another Friday Joke!

 

A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador retriever between them.

 

The first man asked why the dog was allowed on the plane. The second man explained that he was a DEA agent and that the dog was a sniffing dog.

 

"His name is Sniffer, and he's the best there is," he said. "I'll show you once we get airborne when I put him to work."

 

The plane took off, and once it had leveled out, the agent said, "Watch this." He told Sniffer to "search."

 

Sniffer jumped down, walked along the aisle, and finally sat very purposefully next to a woman for several seconds. Sniffer then returned to his seat and put one paw on the agent's arm. The agent said, "Good boy." He turned to the other man and said, "That woman is in possession of marijuana, so I'm making a note of her seat number. The authorities will apprehend her when we land."

 

"Say, that's pretty neat," replied the first man. Once again, the agent sent Sniffer to search the aisles. The Lab sniffed about, sat down beside a man for a few seconds, returned to his seat and placed two paws on the agent's arm. The agent said, "That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I'm making a note of his seat number for the police."

 

The agent then told Sniffer to search again. Sniffer walked up and down the aisles for a little while, sat down for a moment, and then came racing back to the agent. He jumped into the middle seat and proceeded to poop all over the place. The first man was really disgusted by this behavior and couldn't figure out why a well-trained dog would act like that, so he asked the agent, "What's going on?"

 

The agent nervously replied, "He just found a bomb!"

[RobBright 35]

Whats the difference between Tottenham Hotspur and a triangle?

A triangle has three points

[pie-eater 207]

[tsondaboy 0]

nice

[stemik 14]

Friday Joke

A young couple is golfing one day on a very exclusive course lined with million-dollar houses. On the third tee, the wife slices her shot right through the large front window of the biggest house along the course. They walk up, knock on the door, and hear a voice say, "Come on in." Opening the door, they see glass everywhere and a broken bottle lying on the floor.

A man on the couch says, "Are you the people who broke my window?" The husband begins to apologize, but the man cuts him off. "Actually, I want to thank you—I’m a genie who was trapped in that bottle, and your wayward shot released me. I’m allowed to grant three wishes, so what I’d like to do is give each of you one wish, and I’ll keep the last one for myself."

 

"Fantastic!" says the husband. "I want a million dollars a year for the rest of my life."

 

"No problem," says the genie, "it’s the least I could do. And you, ma’am, what do you want?"

 

"I want a house in every country in the world," says the wife.

 

"Consider it done," the genie replies, turning back to the man. "And now for my wish. Because I’ve been trapped in that bottle, I haven’t had sex in a really long time. My wish is to sleep with your wife."

 

The husband takes a long look at his wife and says, "Well, we did get a lot of money and all those houses. If you don’t mind, honey, I don’t either."

 

The wife agrees, and the genie takes her upstairs, where he ravishes her for three hours. After he’s through, the genie rolls over, looks at the wife, and asks, "How old is your husband, anyway?"

 

"Thirty-five," she replies.

 

"And he still believes in genies?"

[Yuki's Passion 1]

Bar Stool Economics

 

 

Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten comes to $100. If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this:

 

The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.

 

The fifth would pay $1.

 

 

 

The sixth would pay $3.

 

 

 

The seventh would pay $7.

 

 

 

The eighth would pay $12.

 

 

 

The ninth would pay $18.

 

 

 

The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.

 

 

 

 

 

 

So, that's what they decided to do. The ten men drank in the bar every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement, until one day, the owner threw them a curve. 'Since you are all such good customers, he said, 'I'm going to reduce the cost of your daily beer by $20. Drinks for the ten now cost just $80.

 

The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes so the first four men were unaffected. They would still drink for free. But what about the other six men - the paying customers? How could they divide the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his 'fair share?' They realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtracted that from everybody's share, then the fifth ma

n and the sixth man would each end up being paid to drink his beer. So, the bar owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man's bill by roughly the same amount, and he proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay.

 

 

 

And so:

 

 

 

The fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100% savings).

 

 

 

The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33%savings).

 

 

 

The seventh now paid $5 instead of $7 (28%savings).

 

 

 

The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 (25% savings).

 

 

 

The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 (22% savings).

 

 

 

The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% savings).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Each of the six was better off than before. And the first four continued to drink for free. But once outside the restaurant, the men began to compare their savings.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

'I only got a dollar out of the $20', declared the sixth man. He pointed to the tenth man,' but he got $10!'

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

'Yeah, that's right', exclaimed the fifth man. 'I only saved a dollar, too. It's unfair that he got ten times more than I!' 'That's true!!' shouted the seventh man. 'Why should he get $10 back when I got only two? The wealthy get all the breaks!'

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

'Wait a minute,' yelled the first four men in unison. 'We didn't get anything at all. The system exploits the poor!'

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The next night the tenth man didn't show up for drinks, so the nine sat down and had beers without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important. They didn't have enough money between all of them for even half of the bill!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And that, boys and girls, journalists and college professors, is how our tax system works. The people who pay the highest taxes get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up anymore. In fact, they might start drinking overseas where the atmosphere is somewhat friendlier.

 

 

 

 

 

David R. Kamerschen, Ph.D. Professor of Economics, University of Georgia

 

 

 

For those who understand, no explanation is needed.

 

 

 

For those who do not understand, no explanation is possible.

[RobBright 35]

How is that a joke? You've just ruined my Friday now!

[Yuki's Passion 1]

glad to help ruin your friday - im sure youll get over it

[Yuki's Passion 1]

[IIIII 2]

[thursday 1]

I want free beer

[rach 1]

And free food too.

[stemik 14]

Friday Joke

 

A man and his wife are in the shower together when the doorbell rings. The wife puts on a robe and goes down to answer the door.

 

In walks her husband’s friend Ben. The woman tells him her husband’s in the shower and asks if he can come back later. Instead, Ben steps in and quietly says, "I have $400 in my pocket. I’ll give it to you if you’ll open your bathrobe for me." She’s offended, but really needs the money so she agrees, opens her robe, and lets Ben have a quick peek before doing it up again. Ben gives her the $400, and she opens the door for him to leave, but he says, "I have another $400 in my other pocket. I’ll give it to you if you let me touch your breasts." Now she’s really mortified, but again, she needs the money, so she undoes her robe and lets him have a quick feel. Taking the other $400 from him, she lets him out the door.

 

Going back upstairs, she gets back in the shower with her husband, feeling a little bit guilty.

 

"Who was that?" the husband asks.

 

"Oh, that was just Ben," the wife answers.

 

"Ben?" the husband says. "That son of a bitch owes me 800 bucks!"

[BagOfCrisps 24]

Morning stemik

[scouser 4]

Been a tiring week, can't wait for tomorrow evening to roll round.

[BagOfCrisps 24]

You're lucky mate, 2 days to go here.

[thursday 1]

long leave coming to an end Monday. Let's have a joke....

[klingon 10]

A man decided that he was going to ride a 10-speed bike from Phoenix to Flagstaff. He got as far as Black Canyon City before the mountains just became to much and he could go no farther.

 

He stuck his thumb out, but after 3 hours hadn't gotten a single person to stop.

 

Finally, a guy in a Corvette pulled over and offered him a ride. Of course, the bike wouldn't fit in the car. The owner of the Corvette found a piece of rope lying by the highway, and tied it to his bumper. He then tied the other end to the bike and told the rider that he would drive slow.

 

Everything went fine for the first 30 miles.

 

Suddenly, another Corvette blew past them. Not to be outdone, the Corvette pulling the bike took off after the other.

 

A short distance down the road, the Corvettes, both going well over 120 mph, blew through a speed trap.

 

The police officer noted the speeds from his radar gun and radioed ahead to the another officer that he had two Corvettes headed his way at over 120 mph.

 

He then relayed,

 

"...and you're not going to believe this, but there's a guy on a 10 speed bike yelling to pass."

 

[thursday 1]

Weird. I was just thinking about this joke this morning.

[big-will 7]

Why did the chicken cross the road?

[thursday 1]

because it was nailed to the other chicken

[BagOfCrisps 24]

Nearly there.....