HelperElfMissy 42 Posted September 5, 2008 Share Posted September 5, 2008 Originally Posted By: thursday it's being a tough week. Over here too Thursday!! Roll on Sunday I say!(I gotta work Friday and then 5am thru to midnight on Saturday) Friday will be here in the morning! Link to post Share on other sites
thursday 1 Posted September 5, 2008 Share Posted September 5, 2008 mamabear, it's been a very tough fortnight infact. Some Roots character, Kunta is on annual leave and the Fokkker's are all over the place. Link to post Share on other sites
stemik 14 Posted September 5, 2008 Share Posted September 5, 2008 Friday Joke Mr. Johnson was overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet. He said; “I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least five pounds.†When Mr. Johnson returned, he shocked the doctor by having dropped almost twenty pounds. “Why, that’s amazing!†the doctor told him. “You did this just by following my instructions?†The slimmed down Mr. Johnson nodded. “I’ll tell you, though, I though I was going to drop dead that third day.†“From hunger, you mean.†“No,†replied Mr. Johnson, “from skipping.†Link to post Share on other sites
Yuki's Passion 1 Posted September 5, 2008 Share Posted September 5, 2008 This has been one of the most exhausting weeks at work yet - Im so glad its Friday Link to post Share on other sites
tsondaboy 0 Posted September 11, 2008 Share Posted September 11, 2008 Almost Friday and I wont have internet access to check stems joke tomorow. Could you please mail it to my cell phone. Link to post Share on other sites
HelperElfMissy 42 Posted September 11, 2008 Share Posted September 11, 2008 LOL @ Tsonda! You addicted much? I for one am happy - just found out I don't have to spend ALL of friday counting ballot papers - they are not ready...so I get Friday to bake some delicious cup cakes for a function on Friday night. Yep that sounds much better. Friday night is a Gourmet Pizza & Red Wine night - topped off by cupcakes and a dessert wine for those that wish. Just gotta make sure I balance the wine consumption - enough to take the edge of counting those votes ALL DAY on Saturday but not so much as I make any mistakes - not with a handful of votes separating candidates and deciding the leadership of WA!! Link to post Share on other sites
2pints-mate 0 Posted September 11, 2008 Share Posted September 11, 2008 What are the ballots for Mamabear? Link to post Share on other sites
2pints-mate 0 Posted September 11, 2008 Share Posted September 11, 2008 I am excited about the fact that we will soon have a new stemik joke. No pressure, stemik. Link to post Share on other sites
soubriquet 0 Posted September 11, 2008 Share Posted September 11, 2008 WA State government election. Link to post Share on other sites
HelperElfMissy 42 Posted September 11, 2008 Share Posted September 11, 2008 LOL - WA State General Election. (LOL Soubs - spent so much time composing you beat me to it!!!) Big news here - doesn't rate a mention in the rest of the world! Election was called by our incumbent labor state govt 5.5months early hoping to go to the polls while the liberals were still in disarray and assuring themselves a 3rd term. But it back fired. A string of public service failures (gas, electricity, hospitals etc) followed by a strong leader brought back lazarus style to the lib's the day BEFORE the election was called and West Aussies made it clear they were unimpressed with the incumbent. Not clear enough though as we have seats that are too close to call a week later - still waiting on absent and postal votes to come in before a full distribution of preferences - and a hung parliament. No one can govern without forming a coalition with the National Party AND a number of the independents - so it shall be VERY interesting to see what the result will be! I have worked on elections state and federal for the last 22 years, but this is the first time I have seen it THIS close, and it is the first time I have been in the count centre after the event. I will be assisting in the formality/informality judgements on ballot papers mainly I would expect. Could be considered as interesting as paint drying but I am actually quite passionate about it - it really amazes me to see first hand how many people deliberately cast an informal vote - I mean...jeez...you don't like it CHANGE it...if every single person who was p!ssed off voted for a minor rather than did an informal they could have a massive impact on the results... (oops...off soapbox...) Link to post Share on other sites
soubriquet 0 Posted September 11, 2008 Share Posted September 11, 2008 I know its federal rather than state, but counting for Nedlands can't be too demanding. No great fan of Julie Bishop, but she was instrumental in stopping the Libs privatising the CSIRO's computing arm. Considering that the CSIRO does computing research Link to post Share on other sites
HelperElfMissy 42 Posted September 12, 2008 Share Posted September 12, 2008 You're right Soubs - I was a Polling Place Manager in the Nedlands area (Curtin) for the federal election and Julie came in with a landslide - wish it was that easy this time. Of course Colin Barnett cruised to victory in his seat of Cottesloe (my enrolled district)-as did Happy Carps to victory in Willagee - but this silly woodduck volunteered to head out to Wanneroo and help out a fellow running that electorate who had not worked an election before ...and that safe labor seat is now going to come down to the last few preferences in a full distribution!! ARRGGHHH!!! On the upside, I got first hand experience of doing the gig of Returning Officer without the ultimate responsibility - will get paid more than I would have if I stayed a PPM - and with any luck I might get the gig for Nedlands in the referendum next year. Link to post Share on other sites
stemik 14 Posted September 12, 2008 Share Posted September 12, 2008 Fridays Joke! (should be in the snow thread) Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!" Link to post Share on other sites
HelperElfMissy 42 Posted September 12, 2008 Share Posted September 12, 2008 Stemik!! Link to post Share on other sites
HelperElfMissy 42 Posted September 12, 2008 Share Posted September 12, 2008 While on his morning walk, Prime Minister Kevin Rudd falls over, has a heart attack and dies because the accident and emergency dept at his nearest hospital is too understaffed to treat him in time. So his soul arrives in Heaven and he is met by Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. 'Welcome to Heaven,' says Saint Peter, 'Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a Socialist around these parts, so we're not sure what to do with you.' 'No problem, just let me in; I'm a good Christian; I'm a believer,' says the PM. 'I'd like to just let you in, but I have orders from God. He says that since the implementation of his new HEAVEN CHOICES policy, you have to spend one day in Hell and one day in Heaven. Then you must choose where you'll live for eternity.' 'But I've already made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven,' replies Rudd 'I'm sorry .... But we have our rules,' Peter interjects. And, with that, St. Peter escorts him to a lift and he goes down, down, down ...all the way to Hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a lush golf course. The sun is shining in a cloudless sky. The temperature is a perfect 22C degrees. In the distance is a beautiful club-house. Standing in front of it is Gough Whitlam and thousands of other Socialist luminaries who had helped him out over the years --- Bob Hawke, Paul Keating, etc. The whole of the Labour Party leaders were there. Everyone laughing, happy, and casually but expensively dressed. They run to greet him, to hug him and to reminisce about the good times they had getting rich at the expense of 'suckers and peasants.' They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster and caviar. The Devil himself comes up to Rudd with a frosty drink, 'Have a tequila and relax, Kev!' 'Uh, I can't drink anymore; I took a pledge,' says Rudd, dejectedly. 'This is Hell, son. You can drink and eat all you want and not worry and it just gets better from there!' Rudd takes the drink and finds himself liking the Devil, who he thinks is a really very friendly bloke who tells funny jokes like himself and pulls hilarious nasty pranks, kind of like the ones the Labour Party pulled with their master strokes on Education, Immigration, Petrol prices, Tough on Crime promises. They are having such a great time that, before he realises it, it's time to go. Everyone gives him a big hug and waves as Rudd steps on the lift and heads upward. When the lift door reopens, he is in Heaven again and Saint Peter is waiting for him.. 'Now it's time to visit Heaven,' the old man says, opening the gate. So for 24 hours Rudd is made to hang out with a bunch of honest, good-natured people who enjoy each other's company, talk about things other than money and treat each other decently. Not a nasty prank or short-arse joke among them. No fancy country clubs here and, while the food tastes great, it's not caviar or lobster. And these people are all poor. He doesn't see anybody he knows and he isn't even treated like someone special! 'Whoa,' he says uncomfortably to himself. 'Gough Whitlam never prepared me for this!' The day done, Saint Peter returns and says, 'Well, you've spent a day in Hell and a day in Heaven. Now choose where you want to live for Eternity.' With the 'Deal or No Deal' theme playing softly in the background, Rudd reflects for a minute ... Then answers: 'Well, I would never have thought I'd say this -- I mean, Heaven has been delightful and all -- but I really think I belong in Hell with my friends.' So Saint Peter escorts him to the lift and he goes down, down, down, all the way to Hell. The doors of the lift open and he is in the middle of a barren scorched earth covered with garbage and toxic industrial wasteland, looking a bit like the eroded, rabbit and fox affected Australian outback, but worse and more desolate. He is horrified to see all of his friends, dressed in rags and chained together, picking up the roadside rubbish and putting it into black plastic bags. They are groaning and moaning in pain, faces and hands black with grime. The Devil comes over to Rudd and puts an arm around his shoulder.' I don't understand,' stammers a shocked Rudd, 'Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a club-house and we ate lobster and caviar and drank tequila. We lazed around and had a great time.. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and everybody looks miserable!' The Devil looks at him, smiles slyly and purrs, 'Yesterday we were campaigning; today you voted for us! Link to post Share on other sites
thursday 1 Posted September 13, 2008 Share Posted September 13, 2008 that was too long. Can someone summarize? Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted September 17, 2008 Share Posted September 17, 2008 Too long for me that as well. Anyway, only a few days now........ Link to post Share on other sites
HelperElfMissy 42 Posted September 17, 2008 Share Posted September 17, 2008 ADD, much? Here's another long one for ya! Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom! When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist ...'Miss Beatrice', he said, 'I wonder if you would tell me about this?' pointing to the bowl. 'Oh, yes,' she replied, 'Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the Park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter! Link to post Share on other sites
thursday 1 Posted September 17, 2008 Share Posted September 17, 2008 still too long Link to post Share on other sites
thursday 1 Posted September 17, 2008 Share Posted September 17, 2008 what do you call a girl juggling pints? Beertricks Link to post Share on other sites
thursday 1 Posted September 18, 2008 Share Posted September 18, 2008 Friday joke please. Quality one for a change. Link to post Share on other sites
stemik 14 Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 Two old ladies were waiting for a bus and one of them was smoking a cigarette. It started to rain, so the old lady reached into her purse, took out a condom, cut off the tip and slipped it over her cigarette and continued to smoke. Her friend saw this and said, "Hey that's a good idea! But, what is that thing you put over your cigarette?" The other old lady said, "It's a condom." "A condom? Where do you get those?" The lady with the cigarette told her friend that you could purchase condoms at the pharmacy. When the two old ladies arrived downtown, the old lady with all the questions went into the pharmacy and asked the pharmacist if he sold condoms. The pharmacist said yes, but looked a little surprised that this old woman was interested in condoms, so he asked her, "What size do you want?" The old lady thought for a minute and said, "One that will fit a Camel." Link to post Share on other sites
scouser 4 Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 Not only is it Friday with the weekend ahead, but Tuesday is also a natioanl holiday. Now if only they could shove that back one day so we had 3 days on the run. Link to post Share on other sites
HelperElfMissy 42 Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 If it were Aus they would give you the Monday too - anything for a long weekend! LOL Link to post Share on other sites
BagOfCrisps 24 Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 Friday at last! ANOTHER holiday on Tuesday? Link to post Share on other sites
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