Complicated family relations

[Karnidge 2]

How's your relationship with family - parents, brothers, sisters etc?

 

I found that this summer I felt more detached from my brother than I have before. Strange there were a few incidents involving money - almost insignificant things - that gave me the impression that he was being a bit stingy, though I find out later that he was thinking the same about me. Can't remember things being like that, though I suppose it is because I'm changing from living here not him from being back home.

 

Made me thing though about relationships - even though there are little niggles, generally our family all get on fairly well. Often hear of family feuds of humungous scale, so nothing like that.

 

Hearing what he said about me though to my parents, makes you wonder -- how much do you really want to know what other people think about you!

 

Just thought I'd share.

[HelperElfMissy 42]

Sorry you had those issues with your brother Karnidge.

Family relationships can be a tough one.

 

A good friend of mine lives by the motto that "Friends are Gods way of apologizing for your relatives" Makes me feel special that I am one of her best friends and she feel that way about me.

 

Over the years I have cracked it with both of my brothers - one for wasting his life on the wacky weed, and the other for being a self centered git and ignoring my child's birthday. We have come past all of those things and have a great relationship. I think if you are prepared to make a bit of an effort things all smooth out, but it starts with someone making that effort.

[RobBright 35]

Get on great now I don't live with them.

 

And they'd probably agree if you asked them.

[RobBright 35]

"ignoring my child's birthday".

 

If my older sister said that to me I would remind her of the times she forgot mine.

[HelperElfMissy 42]

Fair enough Rob.

 

However I never forgot his. Or his wife's.

He had not turned up to young master 5's birthday (eldest) despite saying he was coming...

 

So a week later we were at my parents for my birthday and my Dad's birthday. Little Mr 5 heard his Uncle coming and ... as kids do... got excited to see if he had a present or card or birthday wish for him....he ran and sat peering through the stair railings waving "Hello Uncle J Hello "

 

Well Uncle looked up and nodded (not even a hello) then proceeded to hug my Dad and say "Happy Birthday Dad" and give him a big wrapped gift.

 

Little Master 5 smiled and waited patiently to be wished happy birthday...and maybe there was a present for him too.

 

His face FELL as his Uncle J walked out the back and grabbed a beer from the fridge.

 

I was one very grumpy Mamabear that day - I apologized to my parents for what I was about to do and told them that I loved them very much. Went outside and told my brother exactly what a plonker he was and how hurt he had just made a little boy feel ... packed my kids in the car and went home.

 

He never apologized - but he did have children - His first and my 3rd are the same age. And he is now an awesome Uncle and an awesome Dad. We never overlook one anothers children. I think at that stage he was just very wrapped up in himself and didn't consider that children are just very sensitive little people and they need more consideration than an adult - not less.

[thursday 1]

Remembering your kids' birthdays????? That is so hard to even think about.

 

C'mon, what do you expect?

[thursday 1]

Originally Posted By: Karnidge

How's your relationship with family - parents, brothers, sisters etc?

I found that this summer I felt more detached from my brother than I have before. Strange there were a few incidents involving money - almost insignificant things - that gave me the impression that he was being a bit stingy, though I find out later that he was thinking the same about me. Can't remember things being like that, though I suppose it is because I'm changing from living here not him from being back home.

Made me thing though about relationships - even though there are little niggles, generally our family all get on fairly well. Often hear of family feuds of humungous scale, so nothing like that.

Hearing what he said about me though to my parents, makes you wonder -- how much do you really want to know what other people think about you!

Just thought I'd share.

If you were close you'd always be close.

Seems not so. So why worry about it.

Not at all advice, but seems something not to worry about.

[sanjo 2]

Never really been close to my brother, though we get along. I think basically we are just very different characters and now I have lived here for a bit that has only made that clearer. He lives a very traditional lifestyle - still lives close to where he was brought up, married with 3 kids, etc.

 

I still enjoy going out for a few beers with him back home though.

 

One of my best friends does not talk to either his brother or sister at all.

[Mantas 3]

Originally Posted By: Mamabear

Over the years I have cracked it with both of my brothers - one for wasting his life on the wacky weed, and the other for being a self centered git and ignoring my child's birthday.

Pretty harsh MB. I wouldn't have a clue when all my nephews and nieces birthdays are. I've even forgot my wifes. (and my own for that matter)

Birthdays, card, presents....it's not in my portfolio. After all, I'm only a man.

[Jynxx 4]

I don´t know the names and the faces of the relatives on my father´s side. They all look the same. who is who? I don´t know my cousins names and such. As to me being an uncle, I must be one but I haven´t met the kids and they must be grown by now.

As to my parents birthday, I still don´t know which day, as much as I don´t know when is mother´s day or father´s day or any national holidays. I know 5 May is children´s day in Japan.

Stuff this obligatory b´day and x´mas pressies. I´ll give one when I find something i like to give in good time.

As for family. I´m so glad I´ve got them off my back.

I miss my mom sometimes but. I spent a bit of time in the kitchen with her probably because she enjoyed cooking with me and I got praise for my taste buds.

[HelperElfMissy 42]

No...you guys don't get it.

He didn't FORGET his birthday - he was reminded again and again.

He IGNORED it.

 

The issue was not so much that he didn't come, that he didn't have a gift, that he didn't say Happy Birthday; but that he did those things for my Dad in front of my child and STILL proceeded to ignore the sweet little face looking down at him in anticipation.

 

I have 'forgotten' loads of my sister in laws kids birthdays this year - she has loads of kids, and they live in another state, and she does not do any reminders - but I usually send up a load of gift cards on mass to them these days, and when I see them face to face make a big fuss over them. But I would never overlook one of their birthdays and then make a big fuss over someone else in front of them.

 

As I said - no issues between my family now - everyone gets on really well. The other brother doesn't acknowledge my boys birthdays at the moment, but it is different...he is living 4 hours away, no kids of his own etc. If he was around at the time of one of their birthday he would acknowledge it.

[Go Native 70]

I saw my mum for the first time in 4 years awhile back now and although it was great to see her I can't say I had actually missed her all that much. We keep in touch from time to time on skype and overall I'm pretty glad she can't just come around any time she wants. I hardly ever keep in touch with my sister and don't really care one way or the other. We are very different people with little if anything in common. There's hardly anyone in mine or my wifes family that I would actually choose to be friends with.

 

I've always been more interested in maintaining my relationships with the people I've chosen as friends than with family.

[HelperElfMissy 42]

Just to clarify ,... I am not the birthday nazi..pretty relaxed actually... but the biggie for a Mamabear is if her bear cubs are hurt. In that situation a little wee cub was all sad and it was avoidable.

 

Recently this Mamabear has been on the warpath over less than acceptable refereeing allowing a dangerous tackle that led to BFG having his leg broken. Protective Mamabear all over again! So if any of you have any difficulties with the ladies in your family - look and see if they are in cub protection mode. If so ... back away with apology and no-one gets hurt.

[RobBright 35]

Well how are we supposed "to get it" if you don't say he forgot/ignored in your o.p.?

[Go Native 70]

He's a guy MB. Just about all of us have had a broken a bone or two growing up. Ease up on the protection and tell him to harden the **** up! Don't want him growing up as big girls blouse, mama's boy now do you?

[RobBright 35]

haha...

[HelperElfMissy 42]

Originally Posted By: RobBright

Well how are we supposed "to get it" if you don't say he forgot/ignored in your o.p.?

2nd post (in response to yours) I clarified the situation.

Have to say .. that particular brother ... I would choose him as a friend today. He is a top bloke. Sometimes it really is worth persevering with family. I actually often get together with extended family - Aunties, Uncles, Cousins, Cousins kids... and we have a blast. But I think we have been pretty fortunate to have the huge extended family with just a few tolerated crazies dotted amongst it.

Papa's side of the family are not like that at all.
He wouldn't have a clue where any of his Aunties or Uncles even live.

[Thundercat 60]

I love my family. My mom, dad and sister all rock! My extended family however I can't get far enough away from (and there are a lot of them!!!!). Each and every one of them seems to become more and more selfish each year. They are also very traditional minded religious folk who try to push their beliefs on other people. When I see what my aunts and uncles have done to my cousins (their children) I thank my lucky stars that my mom and dad brought me up the way they did.

[HelperElfMissy 42]

Originally Posted By: Go Native

He's a guy MB. Just about all of us have had a broken a bone or two growing up. Ease up on the protection and tell to harden the **** up! Don't want him growing up as big girls blouse, mama's boy now do you?

Funny Guy.
No he has been really good about it.
And his upper body strength has really developed, through the necessity of crutches. He is keen to get the cast of - just over a week to go - so he can get back in the pool and back into training.

The issue was/is that the game was played dangerously and the ref did not correct it. If the broken leg happened as a part of fair and reasonable play then it is the knocks you take yeah? But if it happened in an illegal tackle ...what if it was a neck? The other parents are concerned because BFG is the biggest lad on the team - the tight head prop. Some of the other kids are dinky...they could get REALLY badly hurt. So we are asking for a professional and impartial referee. For that match (two particular schools) alone. I don't think that is being overly protective....just sensible.

BTW: Powderbaby...he has broken his arm 3 times. Trampoline. I didn't ban him from the tramp or put nets around it ...

[Jynxx 4]

To be fair, it´s quite touching, mamabear is good to her kids.

I had to keep my antenna up cos I never knew when mom loses it and starts wacking me around. It was a relief when she was finished with that and I´m locked in a dark space. Survival training from early age, but it sucks.

[RobBright 35]

Sounds like you still have issues with him if you still remember that incident. Does your kid remember it? If not, then let it go.

[Jynxx 4]

As for Rugby, it´s a mugs game.

I´d rather have my kid learn martial arts.

[Go Native 70]

Rugby is an awesome game to play Jynxx. Sure it's hard on the body but a great team sport. Better than that nancy boy sport football where they break down and cry at the merest hint of contact from another player!

[brit-gob 9]

Originally Posted By: Go Native

Rugby is..... Better than that nancy boy sport football where they break down and cry at the merest hint of contact from another player!

On a predictability scale of 0 to 100 (0 being totally unpredictable), that one scores a mightly predictable 100.

[HelperElfMissy 42]

Originally Posted By: RobBright

Sounds like you still have issues with him if you still remember that incident. Does your kid remember it? If not, then let it go.

I remember it. I remember a lot. But it is not an issue, and we get on great. This was well over a decade ago (for both brothers).

I only brought it up because it was the one major time each I cracked it with them. Yet today we all get on fabulous. The point being you can have clashes with family members and move past them if both people are prepared to do so.

OTOH, Jynxx... I am sorry that you were treated that way by your mother. Kids are supposed to feel SAFE with their parents. Papa also did not have the luxury of feeling safe. That is not right.