pie-eater 207 Posted February 7, 2007 Share Posted February 7, 2007 Slightly harsh on doggies perhaps but... Excerpts from a Dog's Daily Diary: 8:00am Dog food! My favourite thing! 9:30am A car ride! My favourite thing! 9:40am walk in the park! My favourite thing! 10:30am Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing! 12:00pm Lunch! My favourite thing! 1:00pm Played in the yard! My favourite thing! 3:00pm Wagged my tail! My favourite thing! 5:00pm Milk bones! My favourite thing! 7:00pm Got to play ball! My favourite thing! 8:00pm Wow! Watched TV with my master! My favourite thing! 11:00pm Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing! Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary: Day 683 of my captivity: My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and myself are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomited on the floor. Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released --and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded! The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. The captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe....... for now .. Link to post Share on other sites
bushpig 0 Posted February 7, 2007 Share Posted February 7, 2007 That's great pie eater! Link to post Share on other sites
big-will 7 Posted February 7, 2007 Share Posted February 7, 2007 Don't you just love dogs, radiating with positive thoughts. Link to post Share on other sites
bushpig 0 Posted February 7, 2007 Share Posted February 7, 2007 yeah and stupid enough to chase their tails! Link to post Share on other sites
Yuki's Passion 1 Posted February 7, 2007 Share Posted February 7, 2007 thanks for the laugh! >yeah and stupid enough to chase their tails! stoopid dogs have stoopid owners!! Link to post Share on other sites
Thunderbird2 0 Posted February 7, 2007 Share Posted February 7, 2007 Thats great Link to post Share on other sites
69 5 Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Our family dog back home is quite sophisticated and will only use the word 'favourite' when it really applies. Cracking read though. Link to post Share on other sites
pie-eater 207 Posted February 8, 2007 Author Share Posted February 8, 2007 Good isn't it? My parents dog is JUST like that and we all love him to bits. Link to post Share on other sites
pie-eater 207 Posted February 12, 2007 Author Share Posted February 12, 2007 Here's another Doggie diary: 5:30am: Started the day as a hero! When the sound of the newspaper hitting the driveway roused me from my deep slumber -- the impact indicating the paper was much heavier than normal -- I realized that no one in the house was yet awake! I roused my master by licking him in the face. He appeared very angry with himself for having overslept, shouting and waving his arms. His ill temper even seemed directed at me a bit, which is silly since it is I who saved him from being fired. Funny thing though: He didn't go into work, but spent the morning leafing through the large newspaper and drinking coffee. He seems to do this once a week, and I don't know why. 7:30am: Invaders! The people who live next door came out into their yard, obviously getting ready to lay siege to our house. Snarling and barking, I let them know in no uncertain terms that I was prepared to tear them from limb to limb if they came any closer, and was able to repel the invasion. This is an almost daily occurrence; you'd think they'd learn. My master added his voice to the fray as well, yelling angrily. I am sure the people couldn't hear him, but it was nice of him to lend his support. 10:00am: I was forced to move, as the patch of sun in which I was lying had, for some reason, slid over a few feet. It's not easy being a dog. 1:00pm: I have the most thoughtful master in the world! While it's true he left me alone in the house for several hours, he did set out a treat for me on the kitchen counter. It was even gift-wrapped, a courtesy I wish he'd skipped, since it led to me having a lot of plastic in my teeth. The roast was delicious, though frozen in the center. I don't want to seem ungrateful, but crunching through two inches of rock-hard beef is hardly my idea of a delicacy. 2:00pm: Most unpleasant experience when my master returned home and was furious that I had not eaten the plastic wrap which had been covering my present. He kept pointing at the small pieces of Styrofoam and other debris and raving in a most irrational fashion. I'm sorry, but he should know that I can't eat that stuff; it makes my stomach upset. When he began rolling up a newspaper I realized he'd lost all reason and bolted for the front door, which was fortunately open just a crack. 4:00pm: Spent the afternoon with the girls. A most productive day; I was able to mark territory for two blocks. "Drip 'til you drop" is our motto. We had a small snack at an outdoor cafe we like, with meat scraps and bread served out of circular containers with easily displaced lids. Ran into that rogue Sebastian, who lifted his leg with irritating nonchalance -- does he think I don't know about his obsession with Muffy, that snotty schnauzer from down the road? Last month there wasn't a male in the neighborhood who couldn't be found outside her fence, and Sebastian was at the head of the pack. I let him know I want nothing more to do with him. 5:00pm: What a treat! On the way home a flock of ravens drew my attention to a squirrel that had been flattened by an automobile. After several days in the sun, the aroma was so delicious it made my nose quiver. I rolled in the wondrous fragrance for several minutes, and when I stood up I positively radiated eau de roadkill. Let Sebastian drool over Muffy -- he doesn't know what he's missing. 6:00pm: Of all the times to get a bath! My master, still in a foul mood, made me stand outside in the chill air while he shampooed and rinsed me several times. Every time I shook the water from my fur he, too, became drenched, and in the end he was shivering. Why in the world does he do stuff like this? 9:00pm: Time to sleep, though I am not allowed on the bed whenever anyone's home. Ah, the life of a dog. Link to post Share on other sites
bushpig 0 Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 Good one! Link to post Share on other sites
BagOfCrisps 24 Posted February 15, 2007 Share Posted February 15, 2007 Link to post Share on other sites
bushpig 0 Posted February 15, 2007 Share Posted February 15, 2007 Nice veronica! Get rid of those stupid cute puppy with distorted big head photos! Link to post Share on other sites
bushpig 0 Posted February 15, 2007 Share Posted February 15, 2007 grrrrrrrrrr... Link to post Share on other sites
muikabochi 208 Posted February 15, 2007 Share Posted February 15, 2007 Good one veronica. I want to see his diary. Link to post Share on other sites
HeatherLocklearRocks 1 Posted February 15, 2007 Share Posted February 15, 2007 Link to post Share on other sites
bushpig 0 Posted February 15, 2007 Share Posted February 15, 2007 That one is certainly a cooler pic, but the first one has a better (and natural) expression on its face. Link to post Share on other sites
bushpig 0 Posted February 15, 2007 Share Posted February 15, 2007 and this one is a classic! Look closely. Bear... and... cat Link to post Share on other sites
yoroshiku onegai shimasu 2 Posted February 15, 2007 Share Posted February 15, 2007 I like that bottom one. Link to post Share on other sites
bushpig 0 Posted February 15, 2007 Share Posted February 15, 2007 yeah that cat apparently is very territorial and chased a small bear up a tree TWICE when it wandered into their yard. Link to post Share on other sites
slimeypete 0 Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 Cats are evil. I have seen proof. Link to post Share on other sites
bushpig 0 Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 Quote: Who says cats and dogs do not get along? Workers at the Meriden Humane Society in Connecticut are marvelling at a short-haired mother cat that has adopted a 6-day-old Rottweiler puppy that was rejected by its mother. The rest is here... Link to post Share on other sites
Yuki's Passion 1 Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 Quote: Originally posted by Heather Locklear Rocks: My eyes looked like that in Laos and Cambodia when I had conjunctivitis Link to post Share on other sites
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