rach 1 Posted September 1, 2003 Share Posted September 1, 2003 OK, it seems that someone I know fairly well and someone who looked after me when I first came to Japan - a Japanese guy aged about 75 - has died this weekend. Very sad, he was a really nice guy. Now I've been invited to the "wake" and then the funeral on Wednesday. I want to go, but very unsure of all the traditions, proper things to say etc involved. I know I'm a gaijin and everything but I want to make the effort and try not to do too many goofy things that'll stick out. Has anyone here been to many funerals and able to share experiences at all? Link to post Share on other sites
fukdane 2 Posted September 1, 2003 Share Posted September 1, 2003 Sorry to hear that rach. I haven't been to a funeral but have been to a wake. I really didn't know the traditions or what to do really, or even what to say which made it quite difficult. I wasn't too keing ushered over to another room to be 'shown' my old colleague in his sleeping state. What are you supposed to say in that situation then?? Link to post Share on other sites
Pedro 0 Posted September 1, 2003 Share Posted September 1, 2003 I am sorry for your loss as well. I don't know the proper "aisatsu" but I don't think you need to express your sorrow. I DO know you need a special envelope with some money in it (you will recieve a gift in return) I would bank on no less than 10,000. You will sign into a book and most likely have to explain your donation (how much you gave). you will also most likely be told were to sit and at some point be directed with a group of others sitting near you to approach the front to place some salt and pepper looking stuff in a bowl,hit the thing with a little hammer a couple of times, you bow, pray and return to you seat. I've been to two funerals. wear black. bow a lot to family members...it will problably only take 30 min to and hour. Good luck!!! Link to post Share on other sites
scouser 4 Posted September 2, 2003 Share Posted September 2, 2003 Sorry to hear that rach, let us know how it goes. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
rach 1 Posted September 2, 2003 Author Share Posted September 2, 2003 Well the wake was pretty grim. I felt really out of place and knew hardly anyone there, but my good friend guided me through it. I had to go and give me respects to the body, then when I came out my friend threw salt all over me. Funeral tomorrow. Link to post Share on other sites
HotMagma 0 Posted September 2, 2003 Share Posted September 2, 2003 What are those great big decoration things that they put outside the ceremony halls when there is a funeral? (You know, the ones that look like great big round flowers about a meter wide) Link to post Share on other sites
proudtobegay 0 Posted September 3, 2003 Share Posted September 3, 2003 I am going to a funeral on Friday actually, it would be interesting to know more about your experience rach. Link to post Share on other sites
r45 4 Posted September 4, 2003 Share Posted September 4, 2003 I went to one last year and it was ok nothing too daunting. Just don't smile, but look friendly and take cues from the people around you. Link to post Share on other sites
Ocean11 0 Posted September 4, 2003 Share Posted September 4, 2003 One thing I've noticed about Japanese funerals is how much smiling goes on. Actually I haven't been to a funeral here, only seen people getting about in black. But they often seem to find plenty to laugh about. Maybe that's after the sad bit is over. I've also seen family group photos at funerals with everybody grinning happily. Link to post Share on other sites
r45 4 Posted September 4, 2003 Share Posted September 4, 2003 The one I went to and the wake there was no smiling until it was all over. In fact, there was a lot of crying. Perhaps there is a point in the proceedings when people are allowed to lighten up and be more jolly. Link to post Share on other sites
mina2 6 Posted September 4, 2003 Share Posted September 4, 2003 I've never been to one, but went through the experience of the ladyfriend going...... she wouldn't enter the house until I had thrown some salt over here. What is it with salt then? Link to post Share on other sites
TOMOKO 0 Posted September 6, 2003 Share Posted September 6, 2003 The salt is for purity and clean purpose after funeral, its traditional. Link to post Share on other sites
rach 1 Posted September 8, 2003 Author Share Posted September 8, 2003 Well it was an experience, not a particularly pleasant one and not too much joviality to be seen, even at the end. There was a 7 days after party as well (a tradition it seems) and that was quite jolly actually with lots of laughter and drink this weekend. Link to post Share on other sites
Ocean11 0 Posted September 8, 2003 Share Posted September 8, 2003 Did everybody wear black for that too rach? Link to post Share on other sites
rach 1 Posted September 18, 2003 Author Share Posted September 18, 2003 Not all black, but pretty dark all the same. The latest episode is going round to his house yesterday to do the hand clapping praying thing in front of his photo, his glasses and baseball cap - and a pretty box that I later found out contains his skeleton (or so I was told ). It seems that stays there for 49 day (?) or something before he finally gets buried. Again, this was all translated by a person who is not the best at English, so there might have been a few inaccuracies there. Link to post Share on other sites
Ocean11 0 Posted September 18, 2003 Share Posted September 18, 2003 I don't think you're actually supposed to do the hand clapping thing in this case. When I gave a hearty couple of claps in front of 'our' obaachan's grave, muvva-in-law said "Shhh! We haven't come to wake her up!" (I didn't feel in any position to point out that no amount of clapping could wake her up. But whatever.) Link to post Share on other sites
rach 1 Posted September 18, 2003 Author Share Posted September 18, 2003 Well all the Japanese people went up to do the clap, so unless they've all got it wrong too! Link to post Share on other sites
indosnm 0 Posted September 18, 2003 Share Posted September 18, 2003 sad news Rach, when I went to my wife's aunts funeral we paid about 5-8,000 yen. If you aren't so close to the person who died then i am told that 5000 yen is all you need to give. the 49 days ceremony is a very long one where you must kneel for almost 2hrs! I gave up after 1hr and my knees weren't the same for a few weeks! Link to post Share on other sites
rach 1 Posted September 18, 2003 Author Share Posted September 18, 2003 2 hours!! Well I hope I don't have to be there for that one. No offence, of course. Link to post Share on other sites
IceEiji 0 Posted September 20, 2003 Share Posted September 20, 2003 It will depend on how close you were to man. Link to post Share on other sites
enderzero 0 Posted September 20, 2003 Share Posted September 20, 2003 Finally an excuse to stick your chopsticks upright in your rice bowl. Link to post Share on other sites
peterson 0 Posted September 21, 2003 Share Posted September 21, 2003 The number of times I have been told off for doing that Link to post Share on other sites
IIIII 2 Posted September 24, 2003 Share Posted September 24, 2003 Whats the deal with that chopsticks thing anyway - it looks bad or something more meaningful? Link to post Share on other sites
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