big-will 7 Posted August 29, 2009 Share Posted August 29, 2009 I thought a new thread was called for, perhaps filled with funny things 'important' people, those in the public eye, celebs and other fools say from time to time. I'll start with one from the chief executive of Yorkshire County Cricket Club, who recently said: "We've put together a series of measures to ensure that those people who want to watch cricket are not disrupted by those who are simply there to have a good time" Link to post Share on other sites
Tubby Beaver 209 Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 well watching cricket is a chore. an all time favourite of mines is an old tv husband and wife, Johnny and Fanny Craddock who used to have a cooking show. At the end of each show Johnny would say something along the lines of..." well viewers thank you for watching, good luck with today's recipe (doughnuts for example) and I hope that all your doughnuts turn out like Fanny's!" Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 nice one Link to post Share on other sites
thursday 1 Posted September 1, 2009 Share Posted September 1, 2009 "I don't want to tempt fate but Damon Hill is now only half a lap from his first Grand Prix win and..and HE'S SLOWING DOWN, DAMON HILL IS SLOWING DOWN..HE'S..HE'S STOPPED." - Murray Link to post Share on other sites
BagOfCrisps 24 Posted September 1, 2009 Share Posted September 1, 2009 He was class. Link to post Share on other sites
hellyer 216 Posted September 1, 2009 Share Posted September 1, 2009 A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, "So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard! Link to post Share on other sites
HelperElfMissy 42 Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 Originally Posted By: snowjunky A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, "So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard! Wish THAT was on Youtube! Link to post Share on other sites
BagOfCrisps 24 Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 That has surely got to be on youtube. Come on, someone find and post! Link to post Share on other sites
muikabochi 208 Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 Brilliant! Link to post Share on other sites
RobBright 35 Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 You do realise that it is an urban legend right? Link to post Share on other sites
muikabochi 208 Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 Link to post Share on other sites
BagOfCrisps 24 Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 I'm disappointed now. Link to post Share on other sites
hellyer 216 Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 Another oldie similar to yours Tubs:- Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: "Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself. Link to post Share on other sites
hellyer 216 Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 Originally Posted By: RobBright You do realise that it is an urban legend right? What, 8 inches? Link to post Share on other sites
brit-gob 9 Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 so childish, but so funny Link to post Share on other sites
hellyer 216 Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - "Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford crew." Link to post Share on other sites
Go Native 70 Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 He provided so many good ones it's hard to choose but here's one of my favourites from Bush "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." Link to post Share on other sites
muikabochi 208 Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 That guy got voted in twice. mega- Link to post Share on other sites
Tubby Beaver 209 Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 Originally Posted By: Go Native He provided so many good ones it's hard to choose but here's one of my favourites from Bush "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." You guys, line up alphabetically by height.» - Bill Peterson, Florida State football coach Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff.» - Mariah Carey, pop singer The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.» - Joe Theisman, quarterback and sports analyst They misunderestimated me.» - George W Bush, Bentonville, Ark., (Nov. 6, 2000) How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to pass the test? Duke of Edinburgh Prince Philip, to Scottish driving instructor Are you Indian or Pakistani? I can never tell the difference between you chaps. Duke of Edinburgh Prince Philip, at Washington Embassy reception for Commonwealth members Name a bird with a long neck? Naomi Campbell Real Contestant on an edition on UK's Family Fortunes Anne Robinson: Who was a famous Indian leader, whose name begins with G, revered by millions, who was assassinated and received a state funeral? Contestant: Geronimo! Weakest Link UK More Family Fortune quotes: FAMILY FORTUNES 1) Something a blind man might use? - A Sword 2) A song with the word Moon in the title? - Blue Suede Moon 3) Name the capital of France? - F 4) see above 5) Name an occupation where you might need a torch? - A burglar 6) Where is the Taj Mahal? - Opposite the Dental Hospital 7) What is Hitler's first name? - Heil 8) A famous Scotsman? - Jock 9) Some famous brothers? - Bonnie and Clyde. 10) A dangerous race? - The Arabs 11) Something that floats in a bath? - Water 12) An item of clothing worn by the Three Musketeers? - A horse 13) Something you wear on a beach? - A deckchair 14) A famous Royal? - Mail One accusation you can't throw at me is that I've always done my best. - Alan Shearer England have the best fans in the world and Scotland's fans are second to none Kevin Keegan For those of you watching in black and white, Spurs are in the all-yellow strip! John Motson, back in the day before colour TV Link to post Share on other sites
Tubby Beaver 209 Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 sorry more crackers, this time from a man known for hs PC-ness, Big Ron Atkinson..... "I'm going to make a prediction - it could go either way!" "I would also think that the action replay showed it to be worse than it actually was." "I never comment on referees and I'm not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat!" "Good player (Jens Jeremies), unfortunate face." "I would not say he - David Ginola - is the best left winger in the Premiership, but there are none better." "I tell you what, if the Cameroons get a goal back here they're literally gonna catch on fire." "Ryan Giggs is running long up the backside." "(Franz) Beckenbauer really has gambled all his eggs." "Well, Clive, it's all about the two M's - movement and positioning." Link to post Share on other sites
gerard 6 Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 Not a good idea to read this thread while brushing yer teeth. Link to post Share on other sites
hellyer 216 Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 Nice one's TB. Here's another, short but sweet:- Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - "And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria . I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!" Link to post Share on other sites
pie-eater 207 Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 Here's some scouser posted a few years ago: "What will you do when you leave football, Jack - will you stay in football?" (STUART HALL, Radio 5 Live) "Unfortunately, we keep kicking ourselves in the foot." (RAY WILKINS, speaking on BBC1) "I've got a gut feeling in my stomach. . ." (ALAN SUGAR, speaking on BBC1) "The new West Stand casts a giant shadow over the entire pitch, even on a sunny day." (CHRIS JONES, Evening Standard) "I would not say he [David Ginola] is the best left winger in the Premiership, but there are none better." (RON AKTINSON in a TV interview) "Johnson has revelled in the 'hole' behind Dwight Yorke. . ." (Carling FA Premiership WWW Page) "An inch or two either side of the post and that would have been a goal." (DAVE BASSETT, speaking on Sky Sports) "Both sides have scored a couple of goals, and both sides have conceded a couple of goals." (PETER WITHE, speaking on Radio 5 Live) "What's it like being in Bethlehem, the place where Christmas began? I suppose it's like seeing Ian Wright at Arsenal...." (BRUCE RIOCH, ITV) "And I suppose they [spurs] are nearer to being out of the FA Cup now than at any other time since the first half of this season, when they weren't ever in it anyway." (JOHN MOTSON, BBC) "I never make predictions, and I never will." (PAUL GASCOIGNE) "And there's Ray Clemence looking as cool as ever out in the cold." (JIMMY HILL) "....and the news from Guadalajara where the temperature is 96 degrees, is that Falcao is warming up." (BRIAN MOORE) "If history is going to repeat itself I should think we can expect the same thing again." (TERRY VENABLES) "The Uruguayans are losing no time in making a meal around the referee." (MIKE INGHAM) "I think that was a moment of cool panic there." (RON ATKINSON) "Beckenbauer really has gambled all his eggs." (RON ATKINSON) "Celtic manager Davie Hay still has a fresh pair of legs up his sleeve." (JOHN GREIG) "It's headed away by John Clark, using his head." (DEREK RAE) "Tottenham are trying tonight to become the first London team to win this Cup. The last team to do so was the 1973 Spurs side." (MIKE INGHAM) "He's very fast and if he gets a yard ahead of himself nobody will catch him." (BOBBY ROBSON) "The game is balanced in Arsenal's favour." (JOHN MOTSON) "Merseyside derbies usually last 90 minutes and I'm sure today's won't be any different." (TREVOR BROOKING) "You have got to miss them to score sometimes." (DAVE BASSETT) "Dumbarton player Steve McCahill has limped off with a badly cut forehead." (TOM FERRIE) "A contract on a piece of paper, saying you want to leave, is like a piece of paper saying you want to leave." (JOHN HOLLINS) "And I honestly believe we can go all the way to Wembley. . . unless somebody knocks us out." (DAVE BASSETT) "It was that game that put the Everton ship back on the road." (ALAN GREEN) "Bobby Robson must be thinking of throwing some fresh legs on." (KEVIN KEEGAN) "What makes this game so delightful is that when both teams get the ball they are attacking their opponents goal." (JIMMY HILL) "Celtic were at one time nine points ahead, but somewhere along the road, their ship went off the rails." (RICHARD PARK) "That's football, Mike, Northern Ireland have had several chances and haven't scored but England have had no chances and scored twice." (TREVOR BROOKING) "...and so they have not been able to improve their 100% record." (SPORTS ROUNDUP) "In terms of the Richter Scale this defeat was a force eight gale." (JOHN LYALL) "In comparison, there's no comparison." (RON GREENWOOD) "I would also think that the action replay showed it to be worse than it actually was." (RON ATKINSON) "Mirandinha will have more shots this afternoon than both sides put together." (MALCOLM McDONALD) "Newcastle, of course, unbeaten in their last five wins." (BRIAN MOORE) "Football's not like an electric light. You can't just flick the switch and change from quick to slow." (JOHN GREIG) "Certain people are for me and certain people are pro me." (TERRY VENABLES) "I'm going to make a prediction - it could go either way." (RON ATKINSON) "And with 4 minutes gone, the score is already 0-0." (IAN DARK) "Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer." (DAVID ACFIELD) "What I said to them at half time would be unprintable on the radio" (GERRY FRANCIS) "If we played like this every week, we wouldn't be so inconsistant" (BRYAN ROBSON) "If there weren't such a thing as football, we'd all be frustrated footballers." (MICK LYONS) "He's one of those footballers whose brains are in his head." (DEREK JOHNSTONE) "The crowd think that Todd handled the ball.... they must have seen something that nobody else did." (BARRY DAVIES) "I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel" (STUART PEARCE) "They compare Steve McManaman to Steve Highway and he's nothing like him, but I can see why - it's because he's a bit different." (KEVIN KEEGAN) "Glen Hoddle hasn't been the Hoddle we know. Neither has Bryan Robson." (RON GREENWOOD) "There's no way Ryan Giggs is another George Best. He's another Ryan Giggs." (DENIS LAW) "The only thing I have in common with George Best is that we come from the same place, play for the same club and were discovered by the same man." (NORMAN WHITESIDE) "I never comment on referees and I'm not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat." (RON ATKINSON) "I don't think there is anybody bigger or smaller than Maradona." (KEVIN KEEGAN) "The minute's silence was immaculate, I have never heard a minute's silence like that." (GLENN HODDLE) Link to post Share on other sites
hellyer 216 Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 A good list. Honestly how thick do you have to be to be a sports commentator?. Must be a pre-requisite when applying for the job. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 Some real classics there, hard to pick individual ones. Always good for a laugh. Link to post Share on other sites
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