Doh! quotes

[hellyer 216]

Here's another

 

Michael Buerk on watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked:

"They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts."

 

[Ctrl-Z 0]

Keep them coming!

[Go Native 70]

From Jan this year, Bush again

 

"I'm telling you there's an enemy that would like to attack America, Americans, again. There just is. That's the reality of the world. And I wish him all the very best"

[thursday 1]

Could fill up pages and pages with Bush.

[scouser 4]

Give us more. Endlessly amusing.

[hellyer 216]

 

Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports:

"Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets."

[thursday 1]

 

Good. But..... Davis and hendry are raving gays.

[Tubby Beaver 209]

Hendry is (was) quality

[hellyer 216]

Originally Posted By: thursday

Good. But..... Davis and hendry are raving gays.

Well maybe it should have been just "Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis"

[thursday 1]

Hurricane Higgins. He has a real gay walk.

[grungy-gonads 54]

Are those guys still playing? I suppose snooker players can keep on going as long as their eyes are doing ok.

[hellyer 216]

Old snooker players never die, they just ...........

 

(please complete, I'm temporarily out of inspiration)

[thursday 1]

can't pot the pink anymore

[hellyer 216]

[hellyer 216]

.......rack off

 

Yeah I know it's a bit lame

[hellyer 216]

US PGA Commentator - "One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them . Oh my god!! What have I just said??"

[pie-eater 207]

'My parents have always been there for me, ever since I was about 7. "

David Beckham

 

"I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the

league."

Mark Viduka

 

"Alex Ferguson is the best manager I've ever had at this level. Well,

he's the only manager I've actually had at this level. But he's the best

manager I've ever had."

David Beckham

 

"If you don't believe you can win, there is no point in getting out of

bed at the end of the day."

Neville Southall

 

"I've had 14 bookings this season - 8 of which were my fault, but 7 of

which were disputable."

Paul Gascoigne

 

"I've never wanted to leave. I'm here for the rest of my life, and

hopefully after that as well."

Alan Shearer

 

"I'd like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona "

Mark Draper

 

"You've got to believe that you're going to win, and I believe we'll win

the World Cup until the final whistle blows and we're knocked out."

Peter Shilton

 

"I faxed a transfer request to the club at the beginning of the week,

but let me state that I don't want to leave Leicester "

Stan Collymore

 

"I was watching the Blackburn game on TV on Sunday when it flashed on

the screen that George (Ndah) had scored in the first minute at

Birmingham . My first reaction was to ring him up. Then I remembered he

was out there playing."

Ade Akinbiyi

 

"Without being too harsh on David Beckham, he cost us the match."

Ian Wright

 

"I'm as happy as I can be - but I have been happier."

Ugo Ehiogu

 

" Leeds is a great club and it's been my home for years, even though I

live in Middlesborough."

Jonathan Woodgate

 

"I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel."

Stuart Pearce

 

"I took a whack on my left ankle, but something told me it was my

right."

Lee Hendrie

 

"I couldn't settle in Italy - it was like living in a foreign country."

Ian Rush

 

" Germany are a very difficult team to play...they had 11 internationals

out there today."

Steve Lomas

 

"I always used to put my right boot on first, and then obviously my

right sock."

Barry Venison

 

"I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don't know into what

religion yet."

David Beckham

 

"The Brazilians were South American, and the Ukrainians will be more

European."

Phil Neville

 

"All that remains is for a few dots and commas to be crossed."

Mitchell Thomas

 

"One accusation you can't throw at me is that I've always done my best."

Alan Shearer

 

"I'd rather play in front of a full house than an empty crowd."

Johnny Giles

 

"Sometimes in football you have to score goals."

Thierry Henry

[pie-eater 207]

Reporter – “You’ve got some scars in your face, Zlatan. What has happened?â€

Zlatan – “Well…I don’t know…you’ll have to ask your wife about thatâ€

 

Reporter – “Do you think it’s even possible for Ajax to lose nine points in nine games?â€

Zlatan – “According to my calculations it is possible to lose nine points in only three games.â€

 

Reporter – “Is your playing style Swedish or Yugoslavian?â€

Zlatan – “It’s Zlatan-style.â€

 

Reporter - "If I say Anders Svensson and Kim Källström, what do you say?":

Zlatan - "Zlatan."

 

Reporter - “How many one night stands have you had in total?â€

Zlatan - “I don’t do that stuff. For me it is romance and love…right?â€

 

Reporter - "Who is the most beautiful girl in the world?":

Zlatan - "I haven't met her yet, but when I do, I will date her."

 

Reporter - “What would you name your son?â€

Zlatan - “Zlatan Jr.â€

 

Reporter - "Is there anything in the world that could stop you from becoming no 1 in the world?":

Zlatan - "An injury."

[pie-eater 207]

'England can end the millennium as it started - as the greatest football nation in the world.'

 

'You're not just getting international football, you're getting world football'

 

'The 33 or 34-year-olds will be 36 or 37 by the time the next World Cup comes around, if they're not careful.'

 

'I want more from David Beckham. I want him to improve on perfection.'

 

'The Germans only have one player under 22, and he's 23'

 

'I'll never play at Wembley again, unless I play at Wembley again'

 

'England have the best fans in the world and Scotland's fans are second-to-none'

 

'Shaun Wright-Phillips has got a big heart. It's as big as him, which isn't very big, but it's bigger'

 

'Luis Figo is totally different to David Beckham, and vice versa'

 

'I don't think there's anyone bigger or smaller than Maradona.'

 

'The good news for Nigeria is that they're two-nil down very early in the game'

 

'There's a slight doubt about only one player, and that's Tony Adams, who definitely won't be playing tomorrow.'

 

'Argentina won't be at Euro 2000 because they're from South America.'

 

'He'll also be very dangerous from set-pieces. That means he'll be a threat from free-kicks and corners in the final third of the field.'

 

'They're the second best team in the world, and there's no higher praise than that.'

 

'We deserved to win this game after hammering them 0-0 in the first half'

 

'It's like a toaster, the ref's shirt pocket. Every time there's a tackle, up pops a yellow card.'

 

'The ref was vertically 15 yards away.'

 

'Goalkeepers aren't born today until they're in their late twenties or thirties.'

 

'They compare Steve McManaman to Steve Heighway and he's nothing like him, but I can see why - it's because he's a bit different'

 

'Despite his white boots, he has real pace...'

 

'You can't do better than go away from home and get a draw...'

 

'He can't speak Turkey, but you can tell he's delighted.'

 

'...using his strength. And that is his strength, his strength.'

 

'I'm not disappointed - just disappointed.'

 

'The tide is very much in our court now.'

 

'Chile have three options - they could win or they could lose.'

 

'I came to Nantes two years ago and it's much the same today, except that it's totally different.'

 

'The substitute is about to come on - he's a player who was left out of the starting line-up today.'

 

'That decision, for me, was almost certainly definitely wrong.'

 

'In some ways, cramp is worse than having a broken leg.'

 

'It's understandable that people are keeping one eye on the pot and another up the chimney.'

 

'It could be far worse for me if it was easy for me.'

 

'Football's always easier when you've got the ball'

 

'I've had an interest in racing all my life, or longer really.'

 

'We managed to wrong a few rights.'

 

'We are three games without defeat is another way of looking at it. But if we are honest we have taken two points from nine'

 

'You get bunches of players like you do bananas, though that is a bad comparison.'

 

'Not many teams will come to Arsenal and get anything, home or away'

[pie-eater 207]

Reporter: Gordon, Do you think James Beattie deserves to be in the England squad?

Strachan: I don't care, I'm Scottish!

 

Reporter: "Gordon, can we have a quick word please?"

Strachan: "Velocity" [walks off]

 

Reporter: Welcome to Southampton Football Club. Do you think you are the right man to turn things around?

Strachan: No. I was asked if I thought I was the right man for the job and I said, "No, I think they should have got George Graham because I'm useless."

 

Reporter: Is that your best start to a season?

Strachan: Well I've still got a job so it's far better than the Coventry one, that's for sure.

 

Reporter: Are you getting where you want to be with this team?

Strachan: We're not doing bad. What do you expect us to be like? We were eighth in the league last year, in the cup final and we got into Europe. I don't know where you expect me to get to. Do you expect us to win the Champions League?

 

Reporter: Gordon, you must be delighted with that result?

Strachan: You're spot on! You can read me like a book.

 

Strachan: I've got more important things to think about. I've got a yogurt to finish by today, the expiry date is today. That can be my priority rather than Agustin Delgado.

 

Reporter: This might sound like a daft question, but you'll be happy to get your first win under your belt, won't you?

Strachan: You're right. It is a daft question. I'm not even going to bother answering that one. It is a daft question, you're spot on there.

 

Reporter: Bang, there goes your unbeaten run. Can you take it?

Strachan: No, I'm just going to crumble like a wreck. I'll go home, become an alcoholic and maybe jump of a bridge. Umm, I think I can take it, yeah.

 

Reporter: There's no negative vibes or negative feelings here?

Strachan: Apart from yourself, we're all quite positive round here. I'm going to whack you over the head with a big stick, down negative man, down.

 

Reporter: Where will Marion Pahars fit into the team line-up?

Strachan: Not telling you! It's a secret.

 

Reporter: You don't take losing lightly, do you Gordon?

Strachan: I don't take stupid comments lightly either.

 

Reporter: So, Gordon, in what areas do you think Middlesbrough were better than you today?

Strachan: What areas? Mainly that big green one out there...

[Go Native 70]

My god isn't there enough threads already where we have to be subjected to mindless drivel about football?!

[pie-eater 207]

Nah.

[pie-eater 207]

Anyway, they don't need to be footie quotes.....

[big-will 7]

"I wish men had boobs because I like the feel of them. It's so funny - when I record I sing with a hand over each of them, maybe it's a comfort thing."

- Baby Spice of the Spice Girls

 

"Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty."

- Budapest Zoo sign

 

"Where the hell is Australia anyway?"

- Britney Spears, Pop Singer

 

"Life is very important to Americans."

- Bob Dole, U.S. Senator from Kansas

 

[big-will 7]

50. "I promise you I will listen to what has been said here, even though I wasn't here." --at the President's Economic Forum in Waco, Texas, Aug. 13, 2002

 

49. "We spent a lot of time talking about Africa, as we should. Africa is a nation that suffers from incredible disease." -- Gothenburg, Sweden, June 14, 2001

 

48. "You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pas s a literacy test." -Townsend, Tenn., Feb. 21, 2001

 

47. "I am here to make an announcement that this Thursday, ticket counters and airplanes will fly out of Ronald Reagan Airport." --Washington, D.C., Oct. 3, 2001

 

46. "Tribal sovereignty means that; it's sovereign. I mean, you're a -- you've been given sovereignty, and you're viewed as a sovereign entity. And therefore the relationship between the federal government and tribes is one between sovereign entities." --Washington, D.C., Aug. 6, 2004

 

45. "I couldn't imagine somebody like Osama bin Laden understanding the joy of Hanukkah." --at a White House menorah lighting ceremony, Washington, D.C., Dec. 10, 2001

 

44. "You know, one of the hardest parts of my job is to connect Iraq to the war on terror." --interview with CBS News' Katie Couric, Sept. 6, 2006

 

43. "The same folks that are bombing innocent people in Iraq were the ones who attacked us in America on September the 11th." --Washington, D.C., July 12, 2007

 

42. "I'm the commander -- see, I don't need to explain -- I do not need to explain why I say things. That's the interesting thing about being president." --as quoted in Bob Woodward's Bush at War

 

41. "Oh, no, we're not going to have any casualties." --discussing the Iraq war with Christian Coalition founder Pat Robertson in 2003, as quoted by Robertson

 

40. 3. "I think I was unprepared for war." –on the biggest regret of his presidency, ABC News interview, Dec. 1, 2008

 

39. "I will not withdraw, even if Laura and Barney are the only ones supporting me." --talking to key Republicans about Iraq, as quoted by Bob Woodward

 

38. "I hear there's rumors on the Internets that we're going to have a draft." --presidential debate, St. Louis, Mo., Oct. 8, 2004

 

37. "I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family." --Greater Nashua, N.H., Chamber of Commerce, Jan. 27, 2000

 

36. "Do you have blacks, too?" --to Brazilian President Fernando Cardoso, Washington, D.C., Nov. 8, 2001

 

35. "This foreign policy stuff is a little frustrating." --as quoted by the New York Daily News, April 23, 2002

 

34. "I don't think anybody anticipated the breach of the levees." --on "Good Morning America," Sept. 1, 2005, six days after repeated warnings from experts about the scope of damage expected from Hurricane Katrina

 

33. "I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully." --Saginaw, Mich., Sept. 29, 2000

 

32. "I would say the best moment of all was when I caught a 7.5 pound largemouth bass in my lake." --on his best moment in office, interview with the German newspaper Bild am Sonntag, May 7, 2006

 

31. "They misunderestimated me." --Bentonville, Ark., Nov. 6, 2000