mina2 6 Posted September 27, 2005 Share Posted September 27, 2005 OK so I've been asked (invited?) to send a denpyo to a guy who is getting married. Basically he works for another company and he has been in charge of the work on their side. Nothing major just a small thing and hardly something that has made us "close". I hardly know the guy and if anything I think he is unqualified and not much use, causing more problems than anything. So the company called me and invited me to send a denpyo for his wedding. And I'm wondering whether to send or not - and whether it would be advised to send even if I don't really want to..... you know, for the sake of the relationship and all that. It doesn't cost much, but it just seems so false to do it - apart from the fact I wouldn't really know what to say.... though I'm sure a Japanese colleague would be able to help with the keigo bull... Interested to know what others might do. Link to post Share on other sites
BagOfCrisps 24 Posted September 27, 2005 Share Posted September 27, 2005 I would be happy to advise on Japanese culture things, but first please tell me what a denpyo is. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
kintaro 0 Posted September 27, 2005 Share Posted September 27, 2005 I've had to send those before. My advise is to just do it for the sake of the 'relationship' and just consider it a 'shoganai' aspect of your life in Japan. It might even be cooler if you send it in English. BoC, A denpo is basically a telegram. You pay someone to deliver your message to the, in this case, wedding. Quite silly, really, but big business in Nippon. Link to post Share on other sites
Ocean11 0 Posted September 28, 2005 Share Posted September 28, 2005 I've noticed that not doing any of those things, like sending out New Year greetings, has no impact on business whatsoever. If they need your services, they need your services. Save yourself the time and money. Doing things that seem false is what makes the world go round - leaving that rather nasty smell behind it. Link to post Share on other sites
kintaro 0 Posted September 28, 2005 Share Posted September 28, 2005 Excellent advice! In fact, mina2, when in doubt, bypaass culture. Go'head and attend the wedding, stick your chopsticks straight up in your rice and don't say "omedetoo," 'cuz you don't really know them, after all! Doing things for the sake of others is way overated. Save your time and money. Joking aside,Ocean isn't a self-employed (unemployed) guy for nothing. Sometimes adherence to local ways does pay off in one way or the other in the long run. Cheers! Link to post Share on other sites
Ocean11 0 Posted September 28, 2005 Share Posted September 28, 2005 > when in doubt, bypaass culture Kintaro, why do you see signs up in hospitals these days saying "Please do not try to bribe the staff", and why do companies politely inform you that they will not be sending out nengajo, nor will they accept gifts or favours from subcontractors? Can you perhaps explain that to me and mina2? Could it perhaps be that a lot of normal people in this country think it's bullshit and are tired of it? Are you sure you're not just another ignorant 'assimilated' foreigner who's behind the curve? (I seem to remember you're going to call your first born girl Hana so she fits in wherever she goes...) Link to post Share on other sites
scouser 4 Posted September 28, 2005 Share Posted September 28, 2005 I've never been asked to send one, so I'm ok. Actually, it sounds a bit strange that they ask you... is that often done? Link to post Share on other sites
nagpants 1 Posted September 28, 2005 Share Posted September 28, 2005 You know the relationship you have with the company as a whole, etc and how much they need your company. I'd probably do it if I (generally) valued them. However much many people may think lots of things are bullshit, they still do it. Link to post Share on other sites
Ocean11 0 Posted September 28, 2005 Share Posted September 28, 2005 > However much many people may think lots of things are bullshit, they still do it. That's because they're cowards with no appreciation of true risk. How many salesmen are getting about in August in hot, dark-colored suits, visiting 'cool-biz' clients, and sitting there sweating horribly and making everybody feel uncomfortable out of 'politeness' - because 'it's expected for salesmen to wear suits'? I had a visit from a housebuilder in August, and I had to beg the stupid **** to take off his jacket so he wouldn't drip sweat all over my kitchen table. (And it's not just rebel freelance foreigners we're talking about here. They had a segment on NHK news about how salesmen are not getting with cool-biz and how they suffer.) These people have no common sense, and no appreciation of how little risk is involved in changing their mindless ways. Link to post Share on other sites
mina2 6 Posted September 28, 2005 Author Share Posted September 28, 2005 Well Ocean11 while I generally agree with you, you are missing the point. Anyway thanks for the feedback - anyone else? Link to post Share on other sites
Ocean11 0 Posted September 28, 2005 Share Posted September 28, 2005 Point being...? Link to post Share on other sites
rach 1 Posted September 28, 2005 Share Posted September 28, 2005 Personally I don't like doing that kind of thing if it seems silly. But sometimes I do them. Silly me, perhaps. I work in with a big group of people round me and have seen the way they treat people who see themselves "out of that group" if you know what I mean. I'd rather do some of these things, put them down to the living in foreign country thing and get on well with people. Link to post Share on other sites
I'm Sexy 0 Posted September 28, 2005 Share Posted September 28, 2005 They are expensive also. I don't like weddings so much, everything is about money. Link to post Share on other sites
gamera 0 Posted September 29, 2005 Share Posted September 29, 2005 Mina2, if you need to stay in touch with the company he works for in your business, probably you had better send one. Because you said the company called you, not HE called you, right? I think a lot of his colleagues and business traders will attend the wedding and probably they think it's honored for both him and his company to get more denpo. You may not agree with this way but as others have said, it's kinda "shoganai" thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Ocean11 0 Posted September 29, 2005 Share Posted September 29, 2005 Yeah mina2, best to do as you're told and get along with everyone. There's nothing else you can do. It's a cultural thing, and that determines how everybody behaves. You could get in trouble if you don't. It's a question of honour, even though the guy may not be up to scratch. Or am I missing the point again? Link to post Share on other sites
mina2 6 Posted September 29, 2005 Author Share Posted September 29, 2005 Thanks gamera, good to hear a Japanese opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
Ocean11 0 Posted September 29, 2005 Share Posted September 29, 2005 Maybe the guy getting married secretly resents all this corporate interference in his wedding and is privately planning to get his revenge on all those companies that send dreary, stupid messages that are intoned all through his special day. BTW, gamera's Japanese opinion is usually bunk. I'm Sexy is far more on the ball. Link to post Share on other sites
me jane 0 Posted September 29, 2005 Share Posted September 29, 2005 I'd just send it too. Agree with Kintaro that it might be nice to send it in English. Would make it a bit more special for him than the standard phrases that everyone writes. While some people on here might not agree with the principle of it, if you want to put your energy into effecting change in Japan there are many more important issues than this one. Link to post Share on other sites
Ocean11 0 Posted September 29, 2005 Share Posted September 29, 2005 Just for the sake of argument... > if you want to put your energy into effecting change in Japan there are many more important issues than this one. If you can't keep yourself from complicity in one small but irksome social obligation requiring no effort whatsoever, you're hardly going to be going out and tackling other more important issues that may require a lot more courage. Are you now? (mina2, why are you asking anyway? It looks like you've already chosen the easy road, irksome as it may be.) It's also rather a big assumption that this guy is going to find any of this 'giri' stuff special, whatever language it's in. mina2 doesn't feel 'close' to him - what makes you think he feels 'close' enough to mina2 to make what he says special? But hey, culture is important. Ignore it at your peril! Link to post Share on other sites
Yuki's Passion 1 Posted September 29, 2005 Share Posted September 29, 2005 if youre gonna send the damn thing, at least get a stripper, maybe a guy who juggles fire, or some dirty young high school girl to take the thang - hed never forget you that way and youre bound to increase business relations Link to post Share on other sites
sakebomb 0 Posted September 29, 2005 Share Posted September 29, 2005 Most of my J-friends, young and old hate this kind of thing but no one has the balls to break free!! They are just happy to complain about it and baa baa... I am sure he would be happier with Yama suggestions!! Link to post Share on other sites
BagOfCrisps 24 Posted September 29, 2005 Share Posted September 29, 2005 mina2, I would definitely decide to either send it or not send it. One or the other. Good luck with the choice. Link to post Share on other sites
veronica 2 Posted September 30, 2005 Share Posted September 30, 2005 Let us know how it went mina2, along with your message Link to post Share on other sites
Ocean11 0 Posted October 4, 2005 Share Posted October 4, 2005 So what did you decide then mina2? Did you knuckle down and get with the culture? Link to post Share on other sites
mina2 6 Posted October 7, 2005 Author Share Posted October 7, 2005 I sent it. And thanks everyone. (Ocean11, you definitely contributed to my decision which I feel was the right one). Link to post Share on other sites
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