brit-gob 9 Posted February 4, 2012 Share Posted February 4, 2012 A usually rather jolly friend of mine sent me this, I found interesting. There was no mention of more sex or bungee jumps. A palliative nurse who has counselled the dying in their last days has revealed the most common regrets we have at the end of our lives. And among the top, from men in particular, is 'I wish I hadn't worked so hard'. Bronnie Ware is an Australian nurse who spent several years working in palliative care, caring for patients in the last 12 weeks of their lives. She recorded their dying epiphanies in a blog called Inspiration and Chai, which gathered so much attention that she put her observations into a book called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying. Ware writes of the phenomenal clarity of vision that people gain at the end of their lives, and how we might learn from their wisdom. "When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently," she says, "common themes surfaced again and again." Here are the top five regrets of the dying, as witnessed by Ware: 1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. "This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it." 2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard. "This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence." 3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings. "Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result." 4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. "Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying." 5. I wish that I had let myself be happier. "This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again." Link to post Share on other sites
Go Native 70 Posted February 4, 2012 Share Posted February 4, 2012 Well I doubt I'll have any of those regrets, especially 'I wish I hadn't worked so hard'. Could never be accused of ever having worked all that hard! I suspect my only regret will be 'I wish I'd had more days skiing'. Because we all know you can never really have enough days skiing Link to post Share on other sites
HighlyTrainedNovaTeacher 2 Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 But you do regret having to have worked hey, I remember you saying how much you dislike work on there. That counts surely. "Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others" Not a problem for most Japanese that one, I reckon. Link to post Share on other sites
Go Native 70 Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 Yes truly, having to work for a living is something I've always regretted and will forever blame my parents for not being rich enough to allow me to just live off a trust fund. Just hope my mum doesn't live that much longer so at least I can get the inheritance before I'm too old to enjoy it! Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 She told me that she was giving it all to the Church, Go Native. Sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
Go Native 70 Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 My mum aint no Einstein but she's also not so stupid as to believe in mythical, supernatural beings in the sky. Won't have to worry about that happening thank god!! Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 Thank the lord! Link to post Share on other sites
Chriselle 158 Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 Amen..... I'm sure we all have this one........the rare times when standing at the top of a powder run by yourself, looking out over the valley and distant mountains with the only sounds being your own breathing.....and you get that overwhelming sense of appreciation and awe at the world around you. Chokes me up every time. I wish I could have more of these moments. Link to post Share on other sites
Slippery Jim 65 Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 And Amen to that, Chris! Link to post Share on other sites
Tubby Beaver 209 Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 Hallelujah brutha! Link to post Share on other sites
Go Native 70 Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mantas 3 Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 Amen..... I'm sure we all have this one........the rare times when standing at the top of a powder run by yourself, looking out over the valley and distant mountains with the only sounds being your own breathing.....and you get that overwhelming sense of appreciation and awe at the world around you. Chokes me up every time. I wish I could have more of these moments. Ablosutely Unfortunately for most of us, that requires money. And money means work. It a viscous circle. Link to post Share on other sites
HelperElfMissy 42 Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 Amen..... I'm sure we all have this one........the rare times when standing at the top of a powder run by yourself, looking out over the valley and distant mountains with the only sounds being your own breathing.....and you get that overwhelming sense of appreciation and awe at the world around you. Chokes me up every time. I wish I could have more of these moments. I had a handful of such moments a few weeks back - couple of different days. Virgin powder lay out in front of me, board pointed straight forward, arms held aloft like in the picture above, and me either grinning like a cheshire cat, calling a big wooohoooo, or exclaiming "it is Sunday and I am worshiping at the temple" (it was a Sunday!). Amazing Amazing Amazing. Days like that - hell, a single run like that, is what we live for! Gonna turn this thread a bit more serious for a second. Some of you will remember that I was not all that well a while back - I have a couple of large benign tumours in my liver, however there was a scarily long period of time where I was unwell, and it was not known whether these tumours were benign or the really nasty kind. I went through the 'regrets I have' phase. It sucked! I was pretty angry at the time I wasted being upset, and spending time feeling regretful when I got the news that the tumours wouldn't kill me. But I see it as a kind of gift now. My regrets were: working too much, not spending enough time with my kids, not putting the kids first, not taking enough holidays and having enough fun, not enough snow, and not going hard enough when I was out there, wasting time worrying about the size of my jeans instead of focusing on the health of my body in those jeans, wasting time playing nicey nice with people who were not worth my time and energy, not putting enough energy into telling the great friends how much I loved them, time with my lover (yes I mean Papabear you dirty minded snow boffins!), and not finishing the job of raising my boys to be young men. I got lucky. I can, and have, been rectifying every single one of those regrets - so with a bit of luck I will live long enough, and well enough, to be left with no regrets at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Chriselle 158 Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 Amen..... I'm sure we all have this one........the rare times when standing at the top of a powder run by yourself, looking out over the valley and distant mountains with the only sounds being your own breathing.....and you get that overwhelming sense of appreciation and awe at the world around you. Chokes me up every time. I wish I could have more of these moments. I had a handful of such moments a few weeks back - couple of different days. Virgin powder lay out in front of me, board pointed straight forward, arms held aloft like in the picture above, and me either grinning like a cheshire cat, calling a big wooohoooo, or exclaiming "it is Sunday and I am worshiping at the temple" (it was a Sunday!). Amazing Amazing Amazing. Days like that - hell, a single run like that, is what we live for! Gonna turn this thread a bit more serious for a second. Some of you will remember that I was not all that well a while back - I have a couple of large benign tumours in my liver, however there was a scarily long period of time where I was unwell, and it was not known whether these tumours were benign or the really nasty kind. I went through the 'regrets I have' phase. It sucked! I was pretty angry at the time I wasted being upset, and spending time feeling regretful when I got the news that the tumours wouldn't kill me. But I see it as a kind of gift now. My regrets were: working too much, not spending enough time with my kids, not putting the kids first, not taking enough holidays and having enough fun, not enough snow, and not going hard enough when I was out there, wasting time worrying about the size of my jeans instead of focusing on the health of my body in those jeans, wasting time playing nicey nice with people who were not worth my time and energy, not putting enough energy into telling the great friends how much I loved them, time with my lover (yes I mean Papabear you dirty minded snow boffins!), and not finishing the job of raising my boys to be young men. I got lucky. I can, and have, been rectifying every single one of those regrets - so with a bit of luck I will live long enough, and well enough, to be left with no regrets at all. Got my attention Mamabear..... Great post! Link to post Share on other sites
Alexander L 80 Posted February 7, 2012 Share Posted February 7, 2012 I really don't think I have any regrets. I am doing what I want to do. If perhaps I die tomorrow, would be the regret that I cannot see my son grow up. And see if he chooses board or ski. Link to post Share on other sites
Go Native 70 Posted February 7, 2012 Share Posted February 7, 2012 If my daughter ever chooses to board she'll definitely regret it for the rest of her life!! Link to post Share on other sites
HelperElfMissy 42 Posted February 7, 2012 Share Posted February 7, 2012 If my daughter ever chooses to board she'll definitely regret it for the rest of her life!! LOL You are asking for trouble there GN. Begging for it!! I recall a a certain night last January at Wild Bills where we all met up for a drink; one of the diehard skiers was there with his skier daughter, who had just that day at 18 years of age come home with a hired snowboard. I do believe my son then spent the next few days taking her out for lessons, and then partying at night... i think he turned her. mwahahahahah Link to post Share on other sites
RobBright 35 Posted February 7, 2012 Share Posted February 7, 2012 Don't have any regrets so far about the life I have lived. Have worked hard, to enable my family to live the life we want to live. Make up for it at the weekends and during the holidays. Link to post Share on other sites
FatBob 0 Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 Great photo up there. I wonder if I might regret some of the food and beer one day. Link to post Share on other sites
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