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England Stuff Australia in the Ashes


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Don't think I could even tell you the name of any cricket player currently playing. Haven't watched a game of cricket in probably more than 20 years! So yeah not much of a fan wink

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Originally Posted By: kokodoko
Congrats to all the poms. It only took yas 20+ years.

muahahahah.

but seriously, australia are crap.


It's been 25 years since England won an Ashes series in Australia.

We were played of the park.

There are over two billion cricket fans around the world, just not many here on SJ's. It the second most popular sport after football.
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What does the Australian cricket coach actually do?

Transport the team from the hotel to the ground.

 

What do you call a world-class Australian cricketer?

Retired.

 

What do you call an Australian cricketer with a hundred next to his name?

A bowler.

 

Why can't Aussies get into their beer bottles any more?

They don't have any decent openers.

 

What do you call an Australian with a champagne bottle in his hands?

A waiter.

 

What would Paul Collingwood be if he were an Australian batsman?

In form.

 

Why could Ricky Ponting never be a funeral director?

He would keep on losing the ashes.

 

How bad is Australias batting?

Well, they're thinking of moving up Extras to the middle order.

 

Why don't Aussie fielders need to have inoculations?

Because they hardly ever catch anything.

 

How can you tell that a planeload of Aussies has just landed?

The engines have stopped but you can still hear the whining.

 

What would James Anderson be if he were Australian?

An all-rounder.

 

What are Australian gropes?

Something they make whines from.

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Originally Posted By: pie-eater
What does the Australian cricket coach actually do?
Transport the team from the hotel to the ground.

What do you call a world-class Australian cricketer?
Retired.

What do you call an Australian cricketer with a hundred next to his name?
A bowler.

Why can't Aussies get into their beer bottles any more?
They don't have any decent openers.

What do you call an Australian with a champagne bottle in his hands?
A waiter.

What would Paul Collingwood be if he were an Australian batsman?
In form.

Why could Ricky Ponting never be a funeral director?
He would keep on losing the ashes.

How bad is Australias batting?
Well, they're thinking of moving up Extras to the middle order.

Why don't Aussie fielders need to have inoculations?
Because they hardly ever catch anything.

How can you tell that a planeload of Aussies has just landed?
The engines have stopped but you can still hear the whining.

What would James Anderson be if he were Australian?
An all-rounder.

What are Australian gropes?
Something they make whines from.


After a quarter of a century, that's the best you can come up with?
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how's this Mantas?

 

A bloke walks into a brothel and says "I'm a bit kinky, how much for total humiliation?"

The madam replies "60 dollars"

"Wow, what do i get for that?" he asks.

She says "A baggy green cap and an Australian shirt" !!!

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Originally Posted By: 69
Why's it called The Ashes?


1882. Australia thump England in the cricket.

The following is later published by an Australian paper...

Quote:

In Affectionate Remembrance
of
ENGLISH CRICKET,
which died at the Oval
on
29th AUGUST 1882,
Deeply lamented by a large circle of sorrowing
friends and acquaintances
R.I.P.
N.B.—The body will be cremated and the
ashes taken to Australia.
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