Norika-chan and Coolio--Together!

[badmigraine 0]

Last night my wife and I went up to the Japanese video store here in Walled Lake, Michigan.

 

They had a Fujiwara Norika movie with the typical lurid cover emphasizing breastage and leggage all packed into and busting out of shiny black leather.

 

We rented it and found to our amazement that it is a kind of US/Hong Kong/Japan co-production done in English! Norika-chan doesn't speak English in the movie though, her lines are all dubbed in by a voice actress with a Chinese accent.

 

Coolio appears as a kingpin drug dealer from south central L.A. making a big deal with a Chinese gang lieutenant.

 

This movie is a gas and well worth a watch, for a number of reasons, some of which I list below:

 

1. Coolio and Norika both use their real first names in the movie.

 

2. Norika speaking English with a heavy Chinese accent.

 

3. Rather laughably good chop-socky action and a thrilling final fight scene on a see-sawing piece of window glass suspended hundreds of feet above a busy Shanghai street.

 

4. Norika and Coolio are both kung-fu experts, as good as Mortal Kombat players!

 

5. The dress Norika wears in her opening sequence. It is a tight skimpy shiny silver breast-hammock with mile-high leg slits, erotic lace-up front and non-existent back. This dress had me salivating from the get-go and I am not even a Norika fan. WOW!! Three thumbs up, if you know what I mean.

 

6. The bikini Norika wears in the onsen scene. This skimpy black push-up g-string flimsy bit of nothing could only make her look better if it were crumpled up in a ball next to her stark-naked body...which it IS in the very same scene!! YEAH!! You even get a nice rear-side angle shot of most of one boob. Another three thumbs up.

 

If you have read this far, then don't stop here...go and rent it. The movie is called "China Strike Force" and here is a link to it:

 

http://movies.yahoo.com/shop?d=hv&id=1804906431&cf=info&intl=us

 

This one is an instant camp classic.

 

[Markie 0]

Interesting you mentioned this because that exact movie aired on television in Hong Kong last night. I think I have a VCD of it somewhere. I remember it was fun to watch, but the only part I bothered to actually sit down and look at last night was the scene in the onsen where Norika strips down completely just to show she doesn't have a wire.

As for her voice, I thought it was her own voice actually. In any case, I didn't think it was a Chinese accent.

[frannyo 2]

Cool.

 

Points out of 10 for Norika?

[Markie 0]

I'd give her 20! Not only does she her all the perfect physical attributes and a pleasant personality, she is also Japanese!

[badmigraine 0]

Markie, it most certainly wasn't a Japanese accent!

[Tosk 0]

I wouldn't have thought she was your type Markie. I don't think she looks very Japanese (face and body).

[snowboard_freak 0]

Ahh China Strike Force. Thats been out here for about a month now. Sounds like i might have to check it out.

[Fattwins 0]

Ok Im going to rrent it and test it out.

[Markie 0]

 Quote:

Originally posted by badmigraine:
Markie, it most certainly wasn't a Japanese accent!

You know what I think? It's probably a bad Hong Kong imitation of a Japanese accent.

[IIIII 2]

Norika-chan. Very nice. She can speak English though, can't she?

[Markie 0]

What is the "-chan" part about Norika-chan?

[Markie 0]

 Quote:

Originally posted by Tosk:
I wouldn't have thought she was your type Markie. I don't think she looks very Japanese (face and body).

Actually, Tosk, appearance wise I give her top marks and as for personality, although I have not met her in person, judging from her appearances in talk shows and game shows she does indeed have the J-personality which I am crazy about.

[badmigraine 0]

I wonder how she looked before the boob job, eye surgery, nose surgery and complete set of upper and lower caps?

[Ocean11 0]

Is it that easy to spot plastic surgery? What are the telltale signs?

[snowboard_freak 0]

Have a look at Wacko Jacko.

 

Nah, he's never had plastic surgery!

[sachiko 0]

Yes please tell. I cannot imagine doing it.

[badmigraine 0]

Ya have to know what to look for!

 

I lived in L.A. so I know.

[badmigraine 0]

EYES:

It's a beauty myth in Asia that big eyes look better. Outpatient eye enlargement surgery is hugely popular in Korea. Many Japanese women actually fly there to do it because it's cheaper and the Korean doctors specialize in it. (Cosmetic surgery for the masses is not yet as popular in Japan as in Korea.) How can you spot it? It's not so easy because some people naturally have big eyes...but beware of big almond or round eyes with no trace of the epicanthic fold. Example: Ayumi Hamasaki. And ever wonder why so many female J Pop stars all have big luscious eyes? Hmmm... NO! Do you really think it is POSSIBLE that they would have COSMETIC SURGERY? I really doubt it, don't you? I mean, WHY? WHY would they do it? I can't imagine them having any free time at all to do anything like that. And they surely couldn't afford the $2000 or so that it costs. No way would their record label pay for it, right? What would be the point.

 

Right?

 

NOSE:

Look for a nose that is exceptionally small for the face, or a nose of normal width that appears somehow scraped-out from inside, low, sunken, hollow or flat on the sides but with a rather more pointy peak from top to bottom (this is the original cartilage left in place like a tent pole). Look for the skin below the nose but above the lip to be tight or unusually shaped during smiling or other open-mouth expressions, especially where the bottom sides of the nose go into the facial skin. Look for a slightly odd upper lip. Example: Norika-chan, whose surgery fails in that her upper lip and the skin above it are oddly tight, giving her a strange, lipless smile. WEIRD. Another sad example: Hamasaki again...notice how her face only works when completely blank and relaxed. Ever seen her smile or make other faces? The skin on the lower corners of her nose puckers and sinks in, and the lower half of her face collapses and doesn't move right...it looks like a freaky, different person. The price of Ayumi's surgical beauty and fame is permanent disfigurement...the needle swings into Jacko territory folks. YUCK!

 

BOOBS:

This is the easiest one to spot, but oddly, the most difficult to convice newbies about. A lot of people--men--actually need to cling to the belief that giant firm standup breasts occur extremely often in nature, usually to women who are blonde or dye their hair blonde. In fact, they have grown up seeing such fake boobs as a rule, and have no concept of what is fake about them. "What are you talking about, they always look that way!!" they say. So when you tell them that almost all the women in Playboy or Penthouse have obvious boob jobs, they resist the assertion most heatedly. This used to bother me until I remembered the way I felt when Dad told me Santa Claus was a fake...so now to save men's feelings, I may point out fake boobs in passing, but after that I just leave it alone.

 

The first clue to fake boobs is abnormally large size and firm round gravity-defying shape. "Abnormally large" is of course a relative term and depends on the size, age, race and physical condition/body type of the woman. But the giveaway is the unnatural shape and behavior of the mammaries...almost all naturally large breasts on women older than 18 rest downward somewhat, and settle or flatten somewhat when lying down. Now look at the breats. Do they remain stiff and upthrust, holding an artificial, round shape even when the woman lies on her back? Do they fail to bobble and sway when the woman is walking or running? In a push-up bra, do the tops of the implants ride up the rib cage past where normal boobs would stop, yet keep a perfectly round, firm subcutaneous edge shape like a couple of small frisbees under there? If you can get a naked view, are the nipples skewed ("kani-ppai"), has one of the implant bags shifted like when your pillow comes half out of its case, does the position of the nipples seem overly centered like the cherry on top of a cream puff? Can you palpate the breast? A silicon bag feels like a child's foam ball, a saline bag is somewhat more natural-feeling. Example: The Kanno sisters--these are standard heavy-gauge Big implants. Norika-chan (hers are large, but not tell-tale giant...however, they didn't flatten out a single centimeter when she lay on her back in "China Strike Force", and there were the sad tell-tale frisbees when she had on a push-up bra. You can see this in other pics too, but she usually covers her boobs fairly well. Well, I guess she let someone cut open her chest with a razor and he slid two plastic balls inside her living flesh. Would YOU do that? Yuck.

 

Ever read how Courtney Love had her giant implants replaced with smaller ones (the big silicon ones kept getting infected or leaking, and there was scar tissue buildup--very common with boob implants). Courtney kept the old implants on a shelf at home and one day came back to find her dog had eaten one of them.

 

I lived in L.A. for almost 6 years and saw so much cosmetic surgery there that I consider myself something of an expert on it.

 

First, in Los Angeles everywhere you go you are bombarded with ads and invitations to try it. It is cheap. It is easy. Everyone is doing it. They have extended payment plans, free consultations, before-and-after sample books, computer simulations so you can see the new you before you even go under the knife.

 

Your dentist tries to sell you on overlays, bonding, caps, veneers, porcelain crowns, braces, whitening treatments.

 

Your dermatologist has stacks of brochures in the lobby about dermabrasion, chemical and laser peels, laser resurfacing, mole and scar removal.

 

Newspapers have pages and pages of ads from nose jobbers, wrinkle-lifters, hair replacers, tattoo- and scar-removers, boob job salons...that horrible hard boob-job look becomes the norm to which women aspire. "When I get a raise, I am going to go and get my cleavage!!" A D-cup is spoken of like a birthright.

 

Your girlfriend and her friends talk about collagen injections, breast implants, liposuction, nose jobs, eye jobs, nips, tucks, hair removal, facial peels, porcelain jackets for their teeth, as much as your male friends talk about sports and cars.

 

Well, some of your male friends that is...

 

Other male friends talk about a guy they know who got pectoral implants so he didn't have to bench press anymore, or shin/calf implants to get rid of "chicken legs". A guy got a chin implant to get the "Kirk Douglas" manly chin. And then there is the hair transplant thing too. Doll hair plugs, anyone?

 

I've seen a number of before-and-after cases of cosmetic surgery myself. I went to college with some, I went to law school with some.

 

In L.A., you point out surgical features the way you point out flowers or the weather in other towns. "Look at her boobs", "Oh, he had his nose done by Susan's botox doctor!", etc. After a while, you know what to look for and you start to see this stuff everywhere. EVERYWHERE. As it would have to be, to support that many docs and the huge medical technology, credit and image/lifestyle industry that has grown up around it.

 

Playboy goes around to talent shoots where women can get their Polaroids taken to have a go at being in the mag. Then Playboy looks at the Polaroids, selects some likely candidates, then offers them boob jobs at Playboy's expense. A year or two later, if finally selected, some of these gals appear in the magazine. Whether they appear or not, they keep the fake boobs. In fact it's hard to find a natural boob or face in Playboy or Penthouse anymore. That's why this new mag called "Natural Beauties" or whatever is selling like hotcakes.

 

I have a number of friends who've had cosmetic surgery. Some are men, most are women. Among the Asian women, eyes and noses predominate.

 

I actually ran out of a sexual encounter with a stunning Latin woman in LA because I could no longer stomach the thought of her implants, which felt like foam rubber footballs sliding up and down the gristle and bloody fluids of her rib cage. YUCK. Talk about losing the desire... I asked her, "do they feel funny?" and she answered, "not at all, I lost the sensation in my nipples because the doctor accidentally disturbed the nerve...he told me it might happen, that happens a lot with breast enlargement surgery...I'm lucky because mine aren't leaking and I have no subcutaneous scar tissue buildup..." I just had to get out of there, can you blame me?

 

Tabloids like the Enquirer and the Star and the Globe occasionally run before-and-after features with titles like "PLASTIC SURGERY--WHO'S GOT IT, AND WHO NEEDS IT!" There'll be a few pages of side-by-side before/after pics that really highlight who's had what done. There's usually one or two stars, like Britney Spears, who deny any surgery and claim to be sporting their real boobs. Then the tabloid gets a panel of expert cosmetic surgeons to examine detailed pics of the person and they all agree that 3-5 procedures have been done and at the end of it all you realize it is actually pretty obvious, even without the crutch of seeing the "before" pics.

 

None of this should really surprise anybody. It's been going on for decades all around the globe. These procedures only cost a few thousand dollars and are readily available all over the place. If you are a model or actor/actress, then you are in a job where cosmetic alteration has become the norm and the next guy or gal already has those perfect boobs, that perfect nose, those giant doe-eyes. Even a lot of people behind the camera, like producers, industry parasites and glad-handers, managers, agents etc. all have perfect teeth and their noses done.

 

There are some places where the general population has not been whipped into a frenzy and you don't see a lot of surgical faces walking around. Not everybody lives in L.A. There's plenty of places where you can see natural wonky noses, crooked yellow teeth, pot-bellies, acne scars and flat-chested women.

 

But in front of the camera doing nationally-aired commercials, dramas, movies and photo shoots is THE place where EVERYONE is under suspicion of having had something done...for good reason: because most of them did.

 

Now let's take this to a new thread I am about to launch, called "What would YOU have done?"

[Markie 0]

I actually have an ex-girlfriend who did a breast enlargement in an attempt to win me back. I must admit they looked very nice and felt not too bad either, just rather firm.

Her strategy didn't work though. She should have gone to Japan and picked up some Japanese culture, that might have worked.

[badmigraine 0]

How big did she go?

 

Do you know whether she had any complications?

[Markie 0]

Only to between a B and a C by my judgement. I don't know whether she had any complications. In fact, we never really talked directly about that subject though I would have liked to have asked: "O.K., so how much did that cost?" And: "Did it hurt much?" and : "Did you lose any sensitivity?".

[badmigraine 0]

As much as I sneer at the idea of boob jobs, if there was a male member modification surgery that was fairly cheap and reliable, I might consider it.

 

Actually, I think such a procedure would be more popular and well-received by the women of planet earth if it focused less on size, and more on shape and function.

 

For example, add a few cartiliginous ridges to scrape the g-spot, and insert a remote-controlled vibrating pad underneath it and also in other places where vibration would be welcome.

 

I imagine the cartilignous ridges could be modeled after the Klingon nose of Star Trek's Lieutenant Whorf.

[Markie 0]

Wow, you've got some imagination. Is that where the "bad headache" comes from? Putting creative thoughts into overdive?

[badmigraine 0]

My imagination comes from this great, really great thick smoky luscious coffee that my wife makes every morning!

 

As a child I had regular migraines every 3-5 weeks, including seeing flashing lights/auras, 8-15 hours of incapacitating pain, nausea and endless swirling ranting delusions like you get in a bad fever...and then it would all stop and give me a blissful euphoric 10 hours or so in which I felt like I was reborn clean or re-animated from the dead.

 

I suppose in some sense it was like being tortured regularly and then feeling blissfully thankful when the torture stopped. There was a feeling of dread when one was coming on, because after the 50th time or so, I knew very well the long course and how many hours I would be stuck in bed getting through it.

 

No pills worked, I would simply puke them up...puking happened every 15 minutes or so for the duration.

 

They gave me suppositories of ergotamine (a powerful drug found in some bread molds that gave rise to the witch-burning mass hallucinations described so well in the book "The Devils of Loudin"), but those didn't work. I found out later there was even caffeine in those suppositories, which upset me because trying to sleep was the only relief I could find to get out of the torture...thanks doc.

 

It definitely shaped my worldview.

 

Some docs prescribed aspirin or motrin. Uh yeah. Thanks for nothing, pal.

 

I once tried a Percodan and that sure helped. It didn't stop the pain, but it put it somewhere far, far away so that I didn't even care. When I asked a doc to give me a scrip for it, he turned white as a sheet and said "Oh no, no no. That is a highly addictive, dangerous drug!!"

 

OK, just scrip me one at a time. If you see me taking more than one every 3 months, stop writing the scrips.

 

"No! Highly addictive!! We normally recommend aspirin for headaches..."

 

Oh. Thanks doc. I bet if YOU had these headaches, you wouldn't be taking aspirin for it.

 

Once a doc told me, "I think it's all in your head..."

 

Good point, doc...most headaches are.

 

In fact every experience anybody ever had was in some sense "only in their head", because that's where the brain is.

 

Look at me. I am living inside of a head, and so are you.

 

I learned that some foods, irregular sleep patterns, air currents on the side of my face while sleeping, and sinus conditions would coalesce and trigger these headaches, so I avoided those things as best I could As I got older, the migraines thinned out and virtually stopped by the time I got through college.

 

I can sometimes get them back thanks to a red wine hangover, but didn't we recently cover that in the "worst hangover" thread...

 

[Markie 0]

Wow, dude, seems like you've been through a long war of attrition. Glad that's over for you and you emerged victorious. I bet overcoming that also gave you a lot of "inner strengthen" and a more profound appreciation of life.