Jump to content

The FOOTBALL Thread (2009-2010)


Recommended Posts

  • Replies 2.8k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Originally Posted By: grungy-gonads
[
TB, do you think footie players should be able to do whatever the heck they want to do when out there on the pitch? Perhaps they could take a gun or other weapon out there?


confused
Link to post
Share on other sites

And for those who are suspicious of bare links like that or they just simply annoy you, I took the risk and here it is (reprinted with kind permission of, er, newsarse)

 

-

 

Scientists are to investigate a potential breakdown in the laws of the Universe which appear to have centred themselves over Old Trafford, the home of Manchester United.

 

The move comes after a number of reports claimed that a serious manipulation of the space time continuum had been successfully attained.

 

One witness told us, “I was watching the football, minding my own business, when this two minutes appeared from nowhere.â€

 

“I don’t know if these minutes appeared in other parts of the country - or whether it just happened to us - but it made us all feel quite funny.â€

 

Glitch

 

Professor Allbright of the Institute of Time Studies told us, “For years we have had individual reports of glitches in the time continuum,â€

 

“Many reports coming from men having dinner with potential in-laws on evenings that apparently stretched into weeks.â€

 

“But this is the first time we’ve had a report which affected so many people in a single location, it’s a significant breakthrough!â€

 

The investigation is likely to centre on the pitch at Old Trafford, which has become something of a ‘Bermuda triangle’ for space-time anomalies.

 

Conspiracy

 

Bedroom conspiracy theorists have long held that Manchester United boss, Sir Alex Ferguson, has been born with the gift of time manipulation, a bit like that Japanese bloke in Heroes.

 

“It’s easy to spot when it’s going to happen,†said keen conspiracy theorist, Dwight Fleck, 26.

 

“He waits until the last few minutes of a game which Manchester United are not winning, then stands-up and engages his pitch-side thousand yard stare.â€

 

“Whilst looking out onto the pitch, he then begins rapidly and angrily tapping his watch. Somewhat miraculously, all these extra minutes then appear from nowhere.â€

 

Professor Allbright concluded, “We need funding to investigate this further, because if could harness the time generation properties witnessed at Old Trafford, it might make long distance space travel a reality for this generation.â€

Link to post
Share on other sites

File under WTF:

 

Sol Campbell has quit Notts County after just one game.

 

 

The defender signed a five-year contract worth about ï½£10 million three weeks ago with the League Two Club but has now quit the club by mutual consent.

 

 

He played just one game - a 2-1 defeat away to Morecambe on Saturday.

 

 

Peter Trembling, Executive Chairman said: "While we are disappointed that Sol felt that he could not adjust to the long term nature of the project underway at Notts County, we obviously wish him the best with the remainder of his career and hope that he is able to obtain a place where he can play at International level ahead of the 2010 World Cup.

 

 

"The investment project is on track; we've brought in a lot of new players and resources into the Club, but obviously this is a five year project, not a five week one. For any fan that bought a new Notts' shirt and had 'Campbell' printed on the back, I am pleased to offer a voucher for the club shop for a replacement shirt."

Link to post
Share on other sites
Originally Posted By: thursday
Man U got Stoke at Stoke on Trent. They can go see Shakespear's place before the game. Or is that Stratford -upon- Avon which is on the way up the M6?


I was going to say Manchester is above stoke on the M6 then i realized you were talking about United
Link to post
Share on other sites

×
×
  • Create New...