r45 4 Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 Want to buy? At least they are honest. Quote: Loads of truly terrible records. I mean, really bad. the very worst things ever committed to vinyl. Imagine the entire U2 discography. Well its slightly better than that. But not much better. That said, you young sorts who "drop beats" with the new fandangled "funk-sample-house" or whatever might find some "cool-cuts" to "spin" on your record "wheels". There are 30 records here, so thats at least a month longer you can hide behind your decks and not bother to learn a real instrument like that flute that you gave up on when you were nine because it was "too hard". Or maybe your not young at all - maybe your one of those miserable w*nkers who turns up 15 hours early to record store day just so you can buy nine copies of everything and sell them twenty minutes later on ebay for vastly inflated prices, thus depriving real fans from the music they love. Maybe your hoping I slipped an accidental copy of "sergeant pepper" on gold vinyl in here by mistake, or that one of a kind jazz album by "Clautus" that was only ever released in germany and once owned by god himself. Well I didn't. There is literally nothing of any value in here, so you can just toddle off right now. You might make a fiver flogging them to pensioners from the back of your vauxhall Astra at wet car boot sales, but thats about it. Below I have listed the records, along with a brief but accurate description. Vangelis - Opera sausage. Sh*t music played on 457 pretend pianos. Roger Whitiker - best of. Sh*t bearded bloke with a funny accent. Duke Ellington - the immortal. Sh*t twee jazz by a "legend". Kenny Rogers - somethings burning 2 x lp. Yeah, its me ears from having to listen to this b*ll*cks. Sh*t. Vangelis - Spiral. It's got a picture of a massive jack lead on the front. It's sh*t. Gerry + and the pacemakers - survivor. It's got "how do you do it" on it, which is great, but the rest is pure toss. Alison Moyet - Alf. She sounds a bit like Alf, too. and she has a face like a potato. A sh*t potato. Chris de burgh x 3. I want to say this is bad. I really do. But its not. It's great. "Don't pay the ferryman" is an awesome, awesome song. Perhaps the best song ever written. although also definitely not. Mike Oldfield - highest ridge. Sounds like some sh*t fairies skipping through a field in spring. It's got a massive dog on the cover. Or a tiny airplane. Its hard to tell cause they used a silly lens. Don Mclean - American pi. A really good song written about maths. Oh no, its a really sh*t song written about Buddy Holly. My mistake. The real roxanne - bang zoom! I have never listened to this, but it looks awful. Plus its called 'bang zoom!' Nothing not sh*t has ever been called "bang zoom!" that's fact right there. ginuwine - pony. 5 different mixes of the same sh*t song. Billy Joel - glass houses. Billy sings one of these tracks in French. Sh*t french. Meatloaf x 2. Two meatloaf records, or to use the plural, some Meati. Ones a greatest hits so its got all his sh*t famous songs on, and ones just a regular album, so its got one sh*t famous song on, and a whole bunch of unheard of sh*t songs. recommended. Bread - the sound of bread. Not the worlds greatest music concrete record, but a piece of sh*t. manfred mann - the best of manfredd mann. I'll repeat that, shall I? The best of manfred mann. Yeah, that's right, he/them had a best. I haven't found it yet, but apparently its on this sh*tty record. Noddy's magic holiday. Infinitely better than manfred mann, despite being performed by a slightly racist gnome. Jason Donovan - greatest hits. Infinitely better than manfred mann, despite being performed by a slightly racist gnome. Klaus Wunderlich. Kung-fu fighting on an accordian? check. The lion sleeps tonight with a slight german accent? check. Not sh*t at all, very good. Queen - the works. No, it doesn't works. you stole all of your melodies from already poor classical musical, and your moustache was sh*t. Billy Bragg - help save the youth of America. That's an awful lot of badges billy. Do you really need that many badges? Are you some form of scout? Micheal Jackson - blood on the dancefloor. Picture all of his sh*t stuff turned into 10 minute long disco-club remixes and your there. Micheal jackson - heal the world.Picture all of his sh*t stuff and your there. The Heath Bros - live at pubic theatre. Sh*t jazz. Alice in Wonderland. Lewis carols lovely story, as told by Tommy Cooper, bruce forsyth, and that bird from eastenders. Talk about too many cooks. Rubbish soup. Thats it then. Bid away. If it gets higher than a fiver i'll chuck in some seven inches and a copy of sergeant pepper on gold vinyl. Its gonna be heavy, so pick up only, or you can arrange your own courier, which might be slightly less embarrassing for all involved. Except the courier. Link to post Share on other sites
BagOfCrisps 24 Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 I wonder why he bought so many shit records? Link to post Share on other sites
griller 9 Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 Does seem rather silly. Link to post Share on other sites
Tubby Beaver 209 Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 cos he's a music snob....just not a very good one! Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 He's getting a ton of publicity though hey. Some mildly funny comments in there. Link to post Share on other sites
NoFakie 45 Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 Written by someone who is nowhere near as funny as he thinks he is. I grew up with an 80s impression of Vangelis but some of his stuff is quite good. Here's the bearded one rocking the Rhodes. Link to post Share on other sites
pie-eater 207 Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 What does he mean when he says w*nkers? Winkers? Like Ronaldo? Link to post Share on other sites
BagOfCrisps 24 Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 Wonkers I think. As in Willy Wonker. Link to post Share on other sites
brit-gob 9 Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 Nah, just a wanker. Link to post Share on other sites
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