Beijing Olympics - the Alternate Medal Tally

[Rag-Doll 0]

Ok, I'm really hanging out for the Beijing Games to be a complete flop. The Party Boys in Beijing have locked up or moved on anyone who they think might cause a stir during the Games. People's houses have been torn down for important beautification projects like flower beds. Heaps of people are on reduced incomes because the factories where they work have been closed down because normally they spew tonnes of toxic waste into the air which athletes might breath in during the races. Beijing is desperately short of water so it is being channelled in from other provinces that barely have enough for themselves and on it goes. Rather than live up to their assurances that the Games would herald improvements in human rights and media access, Beijing has done the opposite and taken advantage of the opportunity to crank up security and restrictions across the country. Given the way the atmosphere refuses to magically clear itself before the start of the Games, I reckon we can expect Mother Nature to be hauled off to some re-education camp once the Olympic crowds have gone home. That the CCP might suffer a loss of face over the dreadful pollution is the one silver lining to the fact that I can't see across the harbour today. I reckon people will look back at the Beijing games as being something of a nardir for the Olympic movement; has there been a event held that is so at odds with the Olympic ideals since 1936 in Berlin?

 

So, let's schadenfreude and run a different kind of medal tally. I'm looking forward to seeing the results of the following events:

 

a. Journalist Being Arrested/Detained Event. This should provide some great competition with strong teams from France, the US, Japan and Taiwan. With more than 10,000 journalists covering the Games competition should be feirce in both the team and individual categories.

 

b. Journalist Being Assualted/Having Equipment Broken By Security Personnel (including police, para-military, civilian security and "plain clothed" security) Event. I think we can look forward to some strong competition from Taiwan and Hong Kong, particularly if recent form is any indication.

 

c. Drug Disqualification Event. Always a favourite with audiences, lawyers and the media. We can expect a strong showing from the home team, the usual Eastern European powers and, of course the Greeks should again provide some entertainment. The pleasing thing about this event is the upsets and drama from unexpected quarters. We should see some interesting battles between competitors in this event and those in the Parallel Universe Event (see below), particularly when it involves a home town competitor.

 

d. Crowd Control Fiasco Event. This is a one horse race so the home team has a distinct advantage but we can still expect them to rise to the occasion and bring us some monumental stuff ups. Look to see the home crowd deal with disappointing results and controversial decisions in the most outrageous manner and then the local security apparatus over react some with old school strong arm tactics. Ticketing and seat allocation should also be another strong contender for Complete-Balls-Up of the Games.

 

e. Cheating Event. Drugs aside, the pressure is very much on the home team judges to ensure the local boy/girl gets up. There is an old Chinese saying (might have been Confucius) - if a gymnast falls and the judge doesn't deduct marks, did he really fall?

 

f. Highest Airborne Pollution Reading Event. Another event in which the home team is pretty much the only competitor but that shouldn't stop us from seeing some world class levels of airborne particulates. Hopefully both Beijing and Hong Kong can carry their recent good form into the Olympics and set records for the highest levels of pollution in which an international sporting has ever been held. Recent speculation that the IOC will insist that events be postponed on high pollution days are just that, speculation. BOCOG will ensure that the IOC doesn't make any "inaccurate" assessments or draw any "inaccurate" conclusions over the level of pollution. Make sure you catch the men's and women's marathon - seeing the runners looming out of a grey haze may very well be one of the most memorable images of the Beijing Games.

 

g. Parallel Universe Event. Or as some others may call it - the Competing Realities Event. Look to see wildly differing views between the foreign media and the local media on such difficult topics as pollution and crowd and drug problems and any other embarrassing events that may occur.

 

h. Combined Disciplined Journalism Event. This is my favourite and involves journalists and bloggers competing in at least 3 of any of the other events. It brings together a wide variety of disciplines and skills that require coverage of a Crowd Fiasco Event or a Cheating Event, being assaulted or detained by security personnel and then providing a report on both the initial event and subsequent security action that differs widely from the official version issued by BOCOG.

[soubriquet 0]

Time to move on from Fragrant Harbour, methinks. I'm afraid my interest in the games is approaching zero. It hasn't quite got up to that level yet.

[klingon 10]

 

Is that all your own work Rag-Doll?

 

My interest in them is zero and always has been. Can't wait to avoid the tv, though listening to all the gambare nihon stuff outside of that is not something to look forward to.

[Rag-Doll 0]

All mine, I got on a bit of a roll. Sports particularly athletics were a big part of my life when growing up and I was a pretty handy 400m and 800m runner in my day. I love the Olympics and the higher, faster, stronger stuff. Unfortunately the 2008 version is going to be pretty crappy, being held in a smoggy police state and all.

 

Definitely time to leave Honkers. It's bloody hot and bloody polluted.

[soubriquet 0]

Your starter for 10.

 

a) Asia. b)Liberal democracy. c)Ruled by law. d)Excellent winter snow.

 

(Hint: It's not Singapore )

[Mantas 3]

Very entertaining RD. Look forward to the updates.

 

The Aussie team will be well prepared for the Beijing games with their new grueling preparation regime. They are smoking 2 packets of cigarettes per day.

I've heard that Grant Hackett is even smoking cuban cigars. (he's an animal).

[2pints-mate 0]

[thursday 1]

You forgot the "Tout the ticket" event. What will be the new world record for scalping the highest price for the opening and closing ceremonies. What were those queues for? People dying to see the events live in the stadium to soak in the atmosphere? What a money spinner this Olympics is gonna be.

[Mantas 3]

I cant wait to see all those smiling waving happy Chinese walking around being super polite and telling every Gaijin that they are great.

[thursday 1]

you're great you gweilo! How's that for starters

[lin 0]

I am telling at least 5 people a day that they are great. They look at me like I'm mad, but I feel compelled to.

[pie-eater 207]

How are points allocated Rag-Doll?

[HelperElfMissy 42]

Originally Posted By: lin

I am telling at least 5 people a day that they are great. They look at me like I'm mad, but I feel compelled to.

I wonder what would happen if we all did that....

I know there are some people I would get a very positive response from.>.....>.but the majority would be looking around for the accomplices to an attack ala velociraptor style (think: Jurassic Park).

[HelperElfMissy 42]

Just as an aside:

 

Any of the Aussies here seen the Macca's Advert with the kid called Angus who wants to play a grand slam tennis match who won a Macca's promotion to go to the Olympics and meet the competitors etc? It has been getting a hammering - of you own a telly you would have seen it! I thought it was just a WA ad but when we were at Falls Creek last week In noticed it was on TV there too!! Angus lives 2 houses down from us and goes to the same school as my boys.

 

I just wonder though....with the pollution, possible terror threats...etc...will it really be the trip of a lifetime <insert smilie face> or will it be the trip of a lifetime <insert terror smilie here>..?

[JA2340 16]

Now that's a question! Guess the answer will be known when he gets home!

[Rag-Doll 0]

Good one Thursday. The tickets, always a problem at the best run events, are going to cause no end of angst and heart ache. Scalpers will be out in force as will fake tickets.

 

Pie-Eater, I have no idea how the points will be allocated. My petty bigotry doesn't motivate me to do much more than snipe from the sidelines. If my current levels of spare time (currently running at about 98%) continue during the games I might post a vote button or two, or I might not, we'll see. Either way though, I'm hoping the whole thing becomes one big bonfire of self-interest and petty nationalism - burn baby burn!

 

Mama, A kid like that, definitely a security risk. He'll be lucky to get in the country.

[HighlyTrainedNovaTeacher 2]

 

Excellent.

 

I wonder who will win. Sounds more fun than the real sports (you know, like synchronised swimming, table tennis and tiddlywinks).

[HelperElfMissy 42]

I just think nothing beats the Roy and HG Gymnastics commentary - especially the males floor routines.....

 

"Flat Bags!"

 

"Hello boys!"

[Mantas 3]

How about the 'Litigation medal'?

 

This event will most likely be taken out by the U.S. They are pioneers in this discipline and will be hard to beat, even when not on home turf and up against the party boys from the P.R.C...

It's hard to imagine every athlete walking away from the games 100% satisfied. I'm tipping an irreversible respiratory tract infection caused by smog to take out gold.

[Rag-Doll 0]

Good one. Already some strong contenders for this event with several competitors getting in on the strength of their Barrister's argument. Some countries like Australia are making attempts to prevent this event taking place by asking their athletes to sign a waiver against pollution induced difficulties. I hope they don't sign. It would be a pity if this event went the way of live pigeon shooting and the tug-of-war and was dropped from the games. The IOC should do more to preserve the traditions IMHO.

[thursday 1]

Getting all excited now. Opening ceremony should be good to kill 2 hours while getting increasingly plastered. Then all the events will be elevator music until the diving and 110 hurdles.

 

The Uygur terrorists would also be of side interest until the close. Then several divisions of the finest will roll into Xianjiang for some target practise.

[2pints-mate 0]

Are you on holiday thursday?

[thursday 1]

when you have full function of your faculties and a weekend about to start, yes, I am on holiday.

[2pints-mate 0]

Ah, I forgot, nearly happy hour for you....

 

I still have the day to go.

[Rag-Doll 0]

Here is a strong contender for the Competing Realities Event.

 

Quote:

CHINA has enforced a media blackout on the saga of the faked Olympic Opening Ceremony song, and all references to the story have been removed from Chinese internet sites.

Beijing's Olympics organisers admitted yesterday that nine-year-old Lin Miaoke, who was seen by millions of people around the world singing during the ceremony, was actually miming a song that had been pre-recorded by another girl.

 

The show's musical director revealed that the real singer, seven-year-old Yang Peiyi was replaced by government order because she did not present the right image of China.

 

Yang has uneven teeth and a chubby face.

 

No Chinese newspapers reported on the issue today, and state broadcasters also avoided the subject. References to the story were blocked or deleted from the internet.

 

The song saga may have embarrassed the nation's leaders after the musical director, Chen Qigang, revealed that a member of the Communist Party's ruling Politburo was behind the decision to fake the performance.

 

He said in an interview with a state broadcaster that Yang was not considered attractive enough to appear on stage, so the cuter Lin was selected instead.

 

Photographs of Lin in a bright red party dress aparently singing the patriotic song Ode to the Motherland were published in newspapers and websites all over the world, and the official China Daily hailed her as a rising star.

 

"The reason why little Yang was not chosen to appear was because we wanted to project the right image, we were thinking about what was best for the nation," Chen said in the interview that appeared briefly on the news website Sina.com before it was wiped from the internet.

 

Chen said the final decision to stage the event with Lin lip-synching to another girl's voice was taken after the politburo member attended a rehearsal.

 

"He told us there was a problem that we needed to fix it, so we did," he said without disclosing further details of the order.

 

China's Ministry of Industry and Information technology, which is in charge of the internet in China, declined to comment on the issue.

 

"We know nothing about this," a ministry official said, declining to give her name.