veronica 2 Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 Hardly a merry topic, sorry, but a good friend of mine back home is currently going through a divorce. From what I know he is a very decent man and things just got sour with the wife and it has fallen apart. Sadly 2 kids involved. Anyway it has really got sour now as lawyers are throwing documents back and forth. He showed me the original from her lawyer - it was colder than ice (perhaps to be expected) and basically gave him next to nothing other than monthly bills and told him to vacate the house and go live with his mother. Or something like that. Is it a case of the 'first demand' and posturing to testing how people react (that is what I have heard before in another case). I can only imagine what it must be like to be going through something like this. I wonder how many end up not being sour and bitter like this one seems destined to be. Link to post Share on other sites
soubriquet 0 Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 Basically, she will get 70% of everything and he will have to pay full maintenance too. She will get custody of the children. Depending on the arrangement they come to, he will have access to his children for up to about 100 days per-year. Not more than this because 100 days of fathering is free to the ex-wife, more than that starts to impact on the maintenance. Link to post Share on other sites
JA2340 16 Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 If he's lucky! Access is at the whim of the ex, so all she has to do is say that the kids are sick, and there goes that access visit. No proof needed, just her say so. My experience in Oz ... Maintenance (or now known as Child Support) is determined according to a formula which takes into account the age(s) of the kid(s), and the incomes of the two parties. He gets to keep a bit, she gets to discount a heap. The difference is calculated and he pays her the amount determined. Unless they can come to a mutually acceptable amount, then the court will ratify that, if they agree. Link to post Share on other sites
me jane 0 Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 My parents sat down together and decided who was getting what and how access to my little sister was going to work. They were both happy with the arrangements, went to two lawyers (cos that's what the law requires in the UK) and the respective lawyers caused a load of bitterness & fighting by convincing each of my parents that they were getting a raw deal. Months later my parents sat down with each other again, agreed that they were both happy with their original plan and took this back to the lawyers instructing them not to ask for anymore or less as both parties were happy. The lawyers spent 6 more months fighting and then came to the same agreement my parents had written up more than a year previously. Link to post Share on other sites
TJ OZ 0 Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 A mate of mine got the kids and still had to pay maintenance to the cow. (not taking sides - she was an abusive alcholic). Three years later all changed and he still has the kids and she has to look after herself. Mine had no kids involved so I just quietly slipped away and now I'm living the dream with a newer model. Link to post Share on other sites
Mantas 3 Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 Originally Posted By: me jane They were both happy with the arrangements, went to two lawyers (cos that's what the law requires in the UK) and the respective lawyers caused a load of bitterness & fighting by convincing each of my parents that they were getting a raw deal. Sound like another law contrived by lawyers. My bro is going through a nasty one at the moment, kids invlved sadly, there is basically no comunication between the two parents. Link to post Share on other sites
tsondaboy 0 Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 My parents divorce was not pretty either but at least it happened when after I had finished highschool so I was not involved with it. Although it had a big impact to my brother. From as far as I know, there were not layers involved, they were just fighting till eventually braking up seemed the best solution. Link to post Share on other sites
Ezorisu 0 Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 A good friend of mine in Hawaii got taken to the cleaners by his immigrant wife from Okinawa. She filed for divorce after she got preggers by some other guy! He had to sell his house and property which was already his from before the marriage and move into a tiny rental. They have two teen daughters who seem to be taking it well. It still takes me aback to think that she arrived with nothing and got away with half his s@#t! At least she remarried and he doesn't have to pay alimony. Note to self - draft up a good prenup. Link to post Share on other sites
js 0 Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 With reference to all the posts above, where the bloke gets screwed-over 100% of the time, it seems your friend should sell up, put all the bank account money into an overseas account, and move to Spain/France. The wife can spend her time and money chasing him. As for the kids - tough call, but what do you do? Spend the remainder of your life trying to regain financial freedom, or make an each-way bet that the kids will accept the choice made once they're old enough to comprehend the situation? Link to post Share on other sites
NoFakie 45 Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 A childhood mate in the UK is getting one now. His wife has left him for her fancy man who's just been kicked out by his wife. Two daughters 11 and 7 that my mate used to take to school because the lady worked away. He's been told it might take a year to sell the house.... Link to post Share on other sites
soubriquet 0 Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 Originally Posted By: JA If he's lucky! Access is at the whim of the ex, so all she has to do is say that the kids are sick, and there goes that access visit. No proof needed, just her say so. Precisely. Getting one son diagnosed with ADD and the other as being autistic has proved a very useful access control. Link to post Share on other sites
Domokun_72dpi 0 Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 Jebus, this IS a sad thread. I know a bloke who Married a Thai Girl when he was up North, The day she got permanent residency, she files for divorce, claims he beat her, demanded the 4wd, and $50k cash. All the while, she was milking some sugar daddy german ahole on the side. He had no choice but to pay up. Veronica, i wish all the best for your mate. Link to post Share on other sites
JA2340 16 Posted July 18, 2008 Share Posted July 18, 2008 Domo, There are plenty of examples ... A lady I worked with had an a'hole for an ex. He got the boss to write a contract that basically meant he was paid bu99er all. Thus he was not required to pay support. Fact is, he was raking in the dosh (as a real estate agent) and could well afford to pay, just was too tight to! She went through hell, finally met a really nice bloke and has since married. It is NOT all on the side of the wife, just 99.8%! Link to post Share on other sites
soubriquet 0 Posted July 18, 2008 Share Posted July 18, 2008 This was my home in Nedlands. Front: Back My boys were very happy there. We arrived in Australia in 1989 with $10,000. In 10 years we both had professional work, a house in Nedlands and a lovely family. She decided she didn't want this, left me for a married moron with 2 children aged 1 & 3, and took 70% of everything. I spent 8 months getting the house ready for sale. Here is the old bathroom going out. The new hallway, new bathroom wall on the left. Months of my sweat getting the house ready for sale, she taking 70% for sitting on her arse. Nice log fire, happy boys. My Alfa GTV (gone) Our family car, gone. She screwed everyone, and according to my boys, she's still not happy. The Dickhead enjoys a life of constant criticism. Enjoy Link to post Share on other sites
soubriquet 0 Posted July 18, 2008 Share Posted July 18, 2008 Your starter for ten. What wakes me at night? 1. Regret for what is lost. 2. Guilt for walking away. Link to post Share on other sites
stemik 14 Posted July 18, 2008 Share Posted July 18, 2008 both of the above? Link to post Share on other sites
soubriquet 0 Posted July 18, 2008 Share Posted July 18, 2008 Correct. No sleep last night. Link to post Share on other sites
veronica 2 Posted July 18, 2008 Author Share Posted July 18, 2008 Interesting all. My friend is quite disturbed by all this and consuming his every waking hour as you might imagine. It makes you wonder what kind of person wants to do the job of lawyer in things like this, when the bottom line seems to be 'screw the other party for as much as possible without any feeling whatsoever'. I suppose there are lots of professions like that, but I sure couldn't do it. Link to post Share on other sites
NoFakie 45 Posted July 18, 2008 Share Posted July 18, 2008 That's too bad soubs. To lose the things you'd worked for. That's a nice pool. It's just like the one Stemik has. In his dreams! Link to post Share on other sites
Go Native 70 Posted July 18, 2008 Share Posted July 18, 2008 Although I can't stand lawyers you can't really blame them. Their job is to get the best outcome they can for their client and yes feelings and emotions don't come into it. Link to post Share on other sites
stemik 14 Posted July 19, 2008 Share Posted July 19, 2008 Originally Posted By: Mr Wiggles That's too bad soubs. To lose the things you'd worked for. That's a nice pool. It's just like the one Stemik has. In his dreams! yeah just in my dreams at the moment...but would be good to have? I guess you look at the things you have and just hope their is no divorce going to happen Link to post Share on other sites
soubriquet 0 Posted July 19, 2008 Share Posted July 19, 2008 I really liked having the pool. It was a fair amount of work keeping it in shape, but hey, playing with water is fun. It was great for the boys too. No1 son had a terrible fear of water when he was younger which he was able to overcome by taking things at his own pace. Link to post Share on other sites
JA2340 16 Posted July 19, 2008 Share Posted July 19, 2008 War stories abound in this area. My ex took the house we'd renovated (used up my super payout) and also got child support. I got to keep my son from previous marriage (YeeHaa!) and he reduced the support until he turned 18 - even though he was still fully dependent on me until he finished school. On the DAY he turned 18, the support calculation changed to almost double what I needed to be paying! She took off to Brissy, left me in Tamworth (6 hours drive at good speed) and every time I went up for a visit, the kids (or one of them) was crook, or had another thing to go to - even though we'd arranged the visit weeks ahead. In the end, I pulled the pin, couldn't justify the trip for an hour visit (if I was lucky). Have just re-estabished contact with my baby girl. Link to post Share on other sites
soubriquet 0 Posted July 19, 2008 Share Posted July 19, 2008 Really sorry you lost contact with them JA. I`ve been ringing my boys just about every week since I`ve been here. They are always keen to come to Japan for holidays, but last Christmas I put my foot down and refused to fly to Oz to collect and deliver them. I`ve had a bit of a sense of humour failure recently and missed a few phone calls. No2 son doesn`t normally want to talk, but last time I rang he chided me for not ringing for a month. Even if he doesn`t want to talk, he wants to know I`m ringing every week. Gratifying. Link to post Share on other sites
thursday 1 Posted July 19, 2008 Share Posted July 19, 2008 Not lomg now soubs. Then they'll be over on their own wanting. Link to post Share on other sites
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