thursday 1 Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 I feel good JM. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
journey_man 0 Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 Phew, I was worried... Link to post Share on other sites
sunrise 0 Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 Even still, I have also seen the other side of the story - I know two mothers who had post natal depression - one seemed to freak out - took the child and suddenly left her guy (they seemed to be a very happy couple beforehand). The other, when I saw her not long after her first child, told me she resented being a mother, because she had to give up a creative career in film production. She said she had mainly had kids cos her husband really wanted them, and she resented that her husband was still going out doing creative work every day (granted he was working his butt off doing it to support the family). A few years later she mustn't have been able to take it anymore. She left him for some other guy, and was really ugly about it and he was devastated. It's so nice to read what you wrote, Jane, and JM's story. I can imagine it must be such a major life changer! But unfortunately having a baby doesn't guarantee 100% that it will win someone over if they're not feeling good about it, even though it may do so in many cases. Not an easy decision to make, great to hear all the different points of view. Link to post Share on other sites
rach 1 Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 I know a few like that as well. They're probably in the small minority. I have always thought to myself that I'm only going to (try to) have kids if I really want them. I've never been in that place yet. Link to post Share on other sites
HelperElfMissy 42 Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 It is a path you can only walk on your own....stories are good ... it gives you multiple perspectives - and it is SO true that sometimes the way you feel before conception/during pregnancy and afterwards differs. I have also known people who have gone out of thier way to have children - IVF, sacrificing the job lalalalalla....all in the pursuit of thier dream. And when thier dream arrives they hate the new life they have - resent the baby and go into a complete downhill spiral. Bizarre! People are strange and complex creatures. And so are babies. My first was a nightmare - didn't sleep through the night until he was like 7yrs old...cranky, unhappy, didn't feed well, serious asthma that gave us heartache inducing races to the emergency department - but #2 was a gem - slept through at 7 weeks of age, fully toilet trained day and night at 18months, and did not speak until he was 3yrs old!! YES! (He communicated via sign langauge - what a blessing after the constant screaming of #1). #3 was hard work. #4 was the easiest of all.... I think you get given what you can handle. I could handle #1 and #3 being tough, but I was worn out when #2 and #4 came along - and they were much easier.....serendipity. Link to post Share on other sites
guzzlers-baps 0 Posted June 10, 2008 Author Share Posted June 10, 2008 Thanks again for all the help. There is really only one way to go with this and we have made our decision. Apart from the fact that both of us do not really want to start a family anyway, circumstances just make it so difficult (the chance of a heredetiry illness showing up, location, constant moving and careers amongst these things). As you might guess this has totally consumed our lives the last few weeks and whatever we decided was going to be difficult but it seemed inevitable. I just hope that I will move on and try not to be affected by this too much. Thanks again. Link to post Share on other sites
HelperElfMissy 42 Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 GB, Rather than "hope" to move on, just decide it. Once this decision is made - don't look back - it does you no favors. Wishing you well. ((HUGS)) Link to post Share on other sites
journey_man 0 Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
RobBright 35 Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 GB It's a tough decision to make - either way will affect you for life - I was in the same situation about a year ago. Didn't plan and was literally an accident - next time wearing two . Girlfriend and I talked for days on end, beating each other, and ourselves up about it, and we choose in the end to have an abortion. The most harrowing thing was how cold we were about it when we came to signing the papers - we just cut off our emotions and almost, for want of a better phrase, just got on with the deal and thought we could deal with it later. The worst thing was not so much doing it, as realizing how much heartache and pain my girlfriend was going through - for the bloke it's just emotions, but the women doesn't get off so lightly. However, we came out of the other side much stronger as we had made the decision, which in hindsight, was the right thing, but of course we didn't know that then. But one major thing we learnt from it is that we BOTH want kids in the future - maybe next week, maybe next year, there is no perfect or right time, just that some times are better than others. Whatever you decide is the right thing for you to do. Link to post Share on other sites
me jane 0 Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 Hey GB, Glad you have made the decision, it can't have been easy. All the best. Link to post Share on other sites
Mantas 3 Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 Originally Posted By: soubriquet I second that, Mamabear. It's your (& partners) choice alone. Make your choice and be strong. Babies are beautiful and change life's dimensions. I respect those who choose not to travel that path. So do I, even if I don't understand it. Careers, hobbies, social life, travel ect. get blown off the scale of importance when kids come along. IMO Link to post Share on other sites
BagOfCrisps 24 Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 You really don't need to understand it or indeed respect it. I have never really 'liked kids' and wanted one. (Doesn't mean I'm a raving mad-man who hates them by the way). Gambatte gb! Link to post Share on other sites
guzzlers-baps 0 Posted June 13, 2008 Author Share Posted June 13, 2008 Thanks! I'm feeling brighter about it all now. Link to post Share on other sites
guzzlers-baps 0 Posted June 23, 2008 Author Share Posted June 23, 2008 Again thanks for your words of encouragement. Getting on with things now after a hard few weeks. Link to post Share on other sites
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