bushpig 0 Posted January 21, 2006 Share Posted January 21, 2006 Billy Connolly's 14 things I hate about everybody: 1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time....I know where my watch is pal, where the #### is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is? 2. People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually. 3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it? 4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? 5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No tosser, I paid 10 quid to come to the cinema and stare at the f###### floor. 6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?". Didn't really give me a choice there, did you sunshine? 7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it. 8. When people say "life is short". What the ####?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever ######gdoes!! What can you do that's longer? 9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, Knob head? 10. People who say things like 'My eyes aren't what they used to be'. So what did they used to be? Ears, Wellington boots? 11. When you're eating something and someone asks 'Is that nice?' No it's Really revolting - I always eat stuff I hate. 12. People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that's an image I really didn't need. 13. McDonalds staff who pretend they don't understand you if you don't insert the 'Mc' before the item you are ordering.....It has to be a McChicken Burger, just a Chicken Burger gets blank looks. Well I'll have a McStraw and jam it in your McEyes you f###### McTosser. 14. When you're involved in an accident and someone asks 'are you all right?' Yes fine thanks, I'll just pick up my limbs and be off. Link to post Share on other sites
Retired Morris Dancer 0 Posted January 21, 2006 Share Posted January 21, 2006 Is there a DVD of his that anyone can particularly recommend? Link to post Share on other sites
fb_steve 0 Posted January 21, 2006 Share Posted January 21, 2006 They're pissers! I realised the whole time I used his voice in my head to read them too! His concerts sold our really fast here, didn't get a ticket in time which sucks! Has anyone seen him live? Link to post Share on other sites
bushpig 0 Posted January 21, 2006 Author Share Posted January 21, 2006 hehe, yeah I found myself reading them with his voice too! Makes it even funnier Link to post Share on other sites
dale#1 1 Posted January 21, 2006 Share Posted January 21, 2006 Funny I haven't seen any dvds but he makes me laugh Link to post Share on other sites
indosnm 0 Posted January 21, 2006 Share Posted January 21, 2006 sent the old man to his gig for Xmas. Link to post Share on other sites
sakebomb 0 Posted January 21, 2006 Share Posted January 21, 2006 Classic Billy!! LMAO! Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted January 21, 2006 Share Posted January 21, 2006 I like that Link to post Share on other sites
LiquidX 0 Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 Connolley cracks me up. So funny. I'd love to have a few dvds, time to check out amazon I think. Link to post Share on other sites
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