veronica 2 Posted April 24, 2008 Share Posted April 24, 2008 Someone on another forum I use posted the below, I thought I would share as it is quite interesting. I must be very old-fashioned, but someone saying they want to take a relationship further with someone other than myself - that would be cheating. The answer to the question seems ever so obvious to me. Too you too, or not? Quote: i'm in a long-distance relationship of sorts with a girl a few years younger than me. she's 18 and i'm 23. i know i know it's a weird age difference but that's not what i'm concerned about. i despise the drama of younger girls but i feel so completely head over heels for this one that everything is perfect between us. in fact, sometimes it seems she's older than me! anyhow, we love each other very deeply. couldn't imagine life without one another. we met in january of '07 and have been getting closer and building a stronger bond ever since. the problem is, she is bisexual/bicurious. hasn't had a full on experience with a girl yet but is interested in taking it further and she truly enjoys being with a girl. she has asked me if i have a problem with this. and to be quite honest, i do. i consider it cheating. she doesn't. i consider getting sexual pleasure out of a relationship other than the primary one to be cheating. but i've told her that it's okay and i want her to experiment and all that shit. but deep down i do have a problem with this. i'm hoping it's a phase but she's been this way, i believe, for her entire teenage years. it bugs me that i wouldn't be able to please her completely. i worry about being with her and having her thoughts wander to being with a girl and all that. i feel that it really complicates things. on the other hand, i don't want to smother her. i don't want her to change herself for me. because i fell in love with her when we first began talking and if she changed herself, would i even be in love with her anymore? i also understand that the 18-22 years are a difficult time filled with lots of lifestyle changes and experimenting and trying things out. i understand because i just went thru it for the past five years of my life. i'm not at all the same person i was when i was 18. and i guess i really shouldn't expect her to be either. so i don't know if anyone can help me with some words of wisdom. hopefully you can. or shit, maybe someone will crack a good joke or two regarding this matter and get my mind off of it. thanks in advance! Link to post Share on other sites
HelperElfMissy 42 Posted April 24, 2008 Share Posted April 24, 2008 Umnmmm. Cheating. Definitely! I might be a great big old PRUDE, but here is how I see it. You are either Gay or you are Straight. Bisexual or Bicurious is just nasty. I DO understand young people not wanting to have all the hardships attached to being gay - and therefore attempting to 'be straight' for a period of time before accepting they are gay. But to make a choice to have sex with multiple partners of varying sexes at the same time (not necessarily orgy like - but YKWIM - in the same time period/concurrently etc) -is just awfully hedonistic. I know some people 'fall in love' with a woman after being with a man for many years or vice versa, and they say it is about loving the person not thier gender....however these are normally serial not simultaneous. This guy should walk away, let her experiment and get her head straight and let her know to look him up when she is ready to commit and become monogamous. But hey, that is just me. Link to post Share on other sites
thursday 1 Posted April 24, 2008 Share Posted April 24, 2008 so V, this from Teen Vogue? Link to post Share on other sites
thursday 1 Posted April 24, 2008 Share Posted April 24, 2008 seriously, this is what I'd do. Let her have her way with her girlfriend, and then join in. Hey presto! Happy Hour, two for the price of one Link to post Share on other sites
veronica 2 Posted April 24, 2008 Author Share Posted April 24, 2008 No - does it matter where it is from? Link to post Share on other sites
Oyuki kigan 0 Posted April 25, 2008 Share Posted April 25, 2008 Originally Posted By: Mamabear Umnmmm. Cheating. Definitely! I might be a great big old PRUDE, but here is how I see it. You are either Gay or you are Straight. Bisexual or Bicurious is just nasty. Woah there, Mama. Human sexuality way to diverse to be cleanly seperated into 'straigh' or 'gay'. The diversity of the human life has allowed for all sorts of sexual expression in all cultures. It isn't just 'gay' nor 'straight', andymore than you can cleanly divide people into 'democrat' or 'republican'. As for your advice, i can't argue with that. If he feels threatened, then they have to come to some kinda compromise. Which just goes to show you how diverse this is, if that guy was me i would totally be supportive, as long as i was included! Link to post Share on other sites
HelperElfMissy 42 Posted April 25, 2008 Share Posted April 25, 2008 Different strokes for different folks Oyuki. But I am an old fashioned girl in many ways. I certainly wouldn't be placard waving about it, and protesting against peoples rights to multiple simultaneous partners - but it just isn't 'cricket' as far as I am concerned. Link to post Share on other sites
Tubby Beaver 209 Posted April 25, 2008 Share Posted April 25, 2008 yeah, get involved with the girl on girl action and have a great time!! Is he gay? Link to post Share on other sites
gerard 6 Posted April 25, 2008 Share Posted April 25, 2008 Two girls and one guy. Sounds good in theory but might not work as well in practice. He'd probably just end up being a third wheel from the sounds of it. Anyway, he should definitely do a TR. Link to post Share on other sites
thursday 1 Posted April 25, 2008 Share Posted April 25, 2008 gotta try at least once in a lifetime. (I didn't like it ) Link to post Share on other sites
tsondaboy 0 Posted April 25, 2008 Share Posted April 25, 2008 Cheating is what you can not explain to your wife/girlfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
Tubby Beaver 209 Posted April 26, 2008 Share Posted April 26, 2008 cheating is when you get caught!!! Link to post Share on other sites
JA2340 16 Posted April 26, 2008 Share Posted April 26, 2008 Originally Posted By: Oyuki kigan ... anymore than you can cleanly divide people into 'democrat' or 'republican'. Huh?? What are these divisions? ... Oh, you are speaking American ... I do not understand the difference between these two, In Oz, we have Liberal (who are conservative) and Labo(u)r (who are 'progressive' or liberal) Simple? No, but at least more easily understood than democrat and republican. BTW a republican, here would be one who wants to cut ties with the imperial British Empire and have our own head of state, rather than the queen of a foreign country. And, I have seen your tag line elsewhere. (possibly on ski.com.au or snowatch?) Link to post Share on other sites
Tubby Beaver 209 Posted April 26, 2008 Share Posted April 26, 2008 It just shows how black and white the US is, if you ain't 1 party then you have to be the other. How rigid is that?! The UK system is far from perfect but at least we have a little bit of choice of who to vote for. Labour, Tories, Lib Dems and in Scotland the SNP are very strong Link to post Share on other sites
HelperElfMissy 42 Posted April 26, 2008 Share Posted April 26, 2008 Hey....we have more than just Labor and Liberal as well - but it always ends up being one or the other in power. We have Democrats, National Party, Greens, Christian Democrats, One Nation (hello Pauline!), and a host of independents and smaller parties. Some tickets are massively long. Link to post Share on other sites
charlotte 0 Posted April 27, 2008 Share Posted April 27, 2008 Cheating is cheating. I'm with you Mamabear. Link to post Share on other sites
Tubby Beaver 209 Posted April 27, 2008 Share Posted April 27, 2008 Its really the same in the UK as well, its only gonna be Labour or the Tories in power at No 10, Lib Dems are just gonna make up the numbers. Its a 2 horse race in Scotland as well with Labour and SNP the serious contenders in Edinburgh, Lib Dems make up the numbers and the Tories don't even try. Its just that you never hear about any other party in the US other than the Democrats and republicans Link to post Share on other sites
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