Racist or not?

[pie-eater 207]

My friend told another friend last night that he would only date Japanese women in the future. The other friend took that as being "racist" and a bit of a heated discussion followed, spoiling the night somewhat as it got into a more wide-reaching talk.

 

Is that "racism" though? Seems more like a harmless preference to me more than anything.

[Tubby Beaver 209]

TBH I think that's just preference, also its said in a non romantic setting, just a cold light of day discussion. In matters of the heart, I feel that there is very little personal, or should I say conscious, choice. When we see someone we are attracted to, we just know it. It will sometimes go against previous behaviour, but the feelings are still there. we don7t know why we are attracted to a particular person, we just are. So he may say this now with all sincerity, but when push comes to shove and he meets a girl that he really likes, the reality can be somewhat different.

[soubriquet 0]

Preference. My virginal dream was of a blonde. Now I don't see past Asian ladies.

[Mantas 3]

"racism" Gotta be the most over used word in the western world.

[indosnm 0]

preference definitely.

 

But to say one would only date Japanese women is a bit silly.

[xxx 2]

Not racist. Just perhaps silly.

[echineko 1]

It's interesting - why does he say only Japanese woman?

[bobby12 0]

 Originally Posted By: echineko

It's interesting - why does he say only Japanese woman?

Hehe here we go. This is where it gets interesting...

I decided not to date another British girl after 3 serious relationships. For me there was too much arguing and stress. I just found with Japanese women there was none of that. My general opinion is that British women, perhaps western women as a whole, seem confused/frustrated in some way. Japanese women on the other hand seem comfortable with themselves more. Some may say Japanese women are more passive etc and this is why gaijin men like them, but I think actually Japanese women have a nice and very smart way of being passively active I mean, they know how to get their way while every stays happy, as opposed to doing it through shouting/manipulation etc. The passivity is superficial only I think.

This is how it looks to me in my very limited experience of British/Japanese women - a mere opinion, not a statement of fact.

[Tubby Beaver 209]

 Originally Posted By: bobby12

 Originally Posted By: echineko

It's interesting - why does he say only Japanese woman?

Hehe here we go. This is where it gets interesting...

I decided not to date another British girl after 3 serious relationships. For me there was too much arguing and stress. I just found with Japanese women there was none of that. My general opinion is that British women, perhaps western women as a whole, seem confused/frustrated in some way. Japanese women on the other hand seem comfortable with themselves more. Some may say Japanese women are more passive etc and this is why gaijin men like them, but I think actually Japanese women have a nice and very smart way of being passively active I mean, they know how to get their way while every stays happy, as opposed to doing it through shouting/manipulation etc. The passivity is superficial only I think.

This is how it looks to me in my very limited experience of British/Japanese women - a mere opinion, not a statement of fact.

I totally agree mate, been on both sides of the fence and its a hell of a lot better on the Japan side.

[bushpig 0]

Have experienced both extremes on the Japanese side and can say that it isn't all roses on the Japanese side either. BUT, BPG is certainly a star and not in your face, manipulative, confrontational, or any of that bullshit.

[thursday 1]

only Japanese women in the future, so he's dating Japanese men now?

[daver 0]

i wouldn't say it's racist, it is pathetic though. not pathetic in that he/or anyone else is attracted to japanese women, men, dogs, cranes, ect. but that he has decided to categorize all japanese women and all foreign women with such dialectic precision. every person regardless of cultural background carries their own unique kind of baggage.

granted i haven't dated japanese women as i am in a serious relationship, and was prior to arriving in japan. but my own opinion is that i would have a lot of trouble with all the re-education required in dating a japanese woman.

[gerard 6]

 Originally Posted By: daver

but my own opinion is that i would have a lot of trouble with all the re-education required in dating a japanese woman.

yours or hers?

[SirJibAlot 0]

I got Yellow Fever in High School and the doctors all agree, there is no cure! hahahahahahah I haven't had a non-Asian girlfriend since 10th grade and my wife is Japanese, go figure...

[samurai 0]

 Originally Posted By: daver

but my own opinion is that i would have a lot of trouble with all the re-education required in dating a japanese woman.

they (and we) all take learning. That is what makes relationships last, the ability to learn.

Remember Seinfeld? something to the likes of; "I can't date somebody who is exactly like me. I'm irritating."

Away from the cultural boundaries and social stigmas between both of our cultures that do require some learning, my japanese wife and I are thankful we will be eighty years old and asking each other for the 1000th time; "How do you say ~~~ in Japanese/English?"

[thursday 1]

eighty years old eh....

 

 

During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.

"Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?" he asks.

"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream ?"

"Sure."

"Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it ?" she asks.

"No, I can remember it."

"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top too.

Maybe you should write it down, so's not to forget it ?"

He says, "I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."

"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down ?" she asks.

Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!"

Then he toddles to the kitchen.

After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment.

"Where's my toast?"

[me jane 0]

It's not racist but like others said, silly. He's just narrowing his options.

It's true that certain cultures have certain characterics but it's the individual characters that make the relationship.

 

I also think he might be setting himself up for difficulties. How many of the people in international relationships on here have wished that their partner came from the same country, had the same mother tongue, understood all the "in" jokes or saw customs and traditions the same way as them.

International relationships are hard and IMHO you have to be willing to make more compromises and sacrifices than in national(?) ones.

(Of course there are the plus points too )

 

I sometimes wish that I could have everything I have now, but that Me Tarzan was British. Things don't work like that though, and I don't think we should control who we are attracted to (unless you are the type who is attracted to married men/women or psychotic killers).

Me Tarzan had only dated Japanese before me and often says he wishes that I was Japanese. If I were Japanese or he British we wouldn't be who we are though, so we lose out either way.

 

It's an interesting question though - to what extent should we control who we date?

 

My boss actually dated a Phillipines girl for years before suddenly finishing with her because it was time to find "a real wife" (i.e. Japanese).

I know a lot of Japanese university students do the same thing, believing that their uni boy/girlfriends are just for fun (so they should be cool and good looking) but they look for different qualities in a husband/wife (rich, good job prosects, effective "baby machines").

I remember telling one older Japanese friend about my wedding plans and he told me that it wouldn't be easy, but that it was too late now because I'd made the decision. His father was Chinese and went through three Japanese wives so he was just being honest and talking from his experience. I wasn't offended but it made me realise that he saw choosing a partner to marry as a rational decision, rather than an emotional one.

 

I saw am interesting post on Facebook recently, by a "product" of a Japanese-kiwi marriage. He was all out against it because of the problems it has caused him growing up.

 

[samurai 0]

 Originally Posted By: me jane

I saw am interesting post on Facebook recently, by a "product" of a Japanese-kiwi marriage. He was all out against it because of the problems it has caused him growing up.

I'd take that with a grain of salt. How old was he? Most of us adults cherish the problems we endured growing up. (Assuming of course, they weren't abusive.) And I can't imagine, if his problems were abusive, they were because his parents were of different mother-tongues.

I have family and friends who grew up with spanish/english speaking parents, and I never heard them complain about it. Coming out of my time in California, perhaps The melting pot of the world, I don't remember any of my friends every complaining about their multi-lingual responsibilities. On the contrary, going to High School in california and NOT being family-bred fluent in Spanish as well as English sucks.

Of course, the contrast between English/Spanish is quite different compared to English/Japanese. That whole Latin-foundation disappears. Plus there's an ocean separating cultures.

Tsondaboy???? I'm curious. Were you raised by two different mother-tongues, or are you just a greek genius?

[soubriquet 0]

Nice post me jane

 

I didn't choose soubriquette because she was Japanese. It was because she was calm, patient and rational. Being Japanese came totally out of the blue.

 

She was looking for a non-Japanese partner because she considers the local men (of our generation) to be what she calls co-dependent. What she wants is a man who is there for her when she wants, but from whom she can be independent. She picked the right bloke. I don't consider her racist.

[Tubby Beaver 209]

where are you from in the UK Me Jane?

[soubriquet 0]

She's from Wales, boyo.

[indosnm 0]

 Originally Posted By: me jane

How many of the people in international relationships on here have wished that their partner came from the same country, had the same mother tongue, understood all the "in" jokes or saw customs and traditions the same way as them.
International relationships are hard and IMHO you have to be willing to make more compromises and sacrifices than in national(?) ones.
(Of course there are the plus points too )

Never once have I ever wished that my wife was Australian. She picked up very fast on all the "aussie"isms.

I'm like you soubs, wasn't looking for a Japanese girl, in fact I had an Aussie "friend" at the time and had my eyes closed till she walked thru the door.
I think people who are obsessed with trying desperately to hook up with a J lady often set themselves up for disaster (often the manga, cosplay geeks). They usually get the ones that are desperately looking for a gaijin BF and often settle for anything just as long as they are japanese and in the end it gets messy. I have seen many many fark ups, so sad where kids are involved.

[rach 1]

All I can say is that people putting some kind of nutty limit on nationality of dating partner is, well, just missing out!

[thursday 1]

 Originally Posted By: soubriquet

Nice post me jane

I didn't choose soubriquette because she was Japanese. It was because she was calm, patient and rational. Being Japanese came totally out of the blue.

She was looking for a non-Japanese partner because she considers the local men (of our generation) to be what she calls co-dependent. What she wants is a man who is there for her when she wants, but from whom she can be independent. She picked the right bloke. I don't consider her racist.

I knew you were a mail order toyboy.

[thursday 1]

All I can say is, we're richer for the experience. I have my preferences and I prefer to go with my emotions..... and hers. Well, probably hers first... and foremost.