oblivion 5 Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?" You think? This bloke does. Link to post Share on other sites
klingon 10 Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 What a fantastic joke! Link to post Share on other sites
Curt 1 Posted June 11, 2006 Share Posted June 11, 2006 Was the joke in the Monty Python film that killed people from laughing too much as funny as that one Link to post Share on other sites
soubriquet 0 Posted June 11, 2006 Share Posted June 11, 2006 A duck walks into a bar and asks: "Got any bread?" Barman says: "No." Duck says: "Got any bread?" Barman says: "No." Duck says: "Got any bread?" Barman says: "No, we have no bread." Duck says: "Got any bread?" Barman says: "No, we haven't got any f$%^&* bread." Duck says: "Got any bread?" Barman says: "No, are you deaf?! We haven't got any f$%^&* bread, ask me again and I'll nail your f$%^&* beak to the bar you irritating bird!" Duck says: "Got any nails?" Barman says: "No." Duck says: "Got any bread? Link to post Share on other sites
daver 0 Posted June 11, 2006 Share Posted June 11, 2006 soubriquet - that is possibly the best joke ever! i not too sure about the one the guy suggested as being the funniest. and it certaily isn't as funny as the joke in monty python. it isn't even as funny as hitler's counter joke. H:"my dog has no nose" Crowd:"how does he smell?" H: "awful" Link to post Share on other sites
BagOfCrisps 24 Posted June 14, 2006 Share Posted June 14, 2006 Fantastic one and all. oblivion, I gave "And Now For Something Completely Different" a viewing last night after being reminded of it here. Cheers. Funny movie. Link to post Share on other sites
2pints-mate 0 Posted June 15, 2006 Share Posted June 15, 2006 Good night last night mate. Pity the footie wasn't up to much. Link to post Share on other sites
skifreeeek 0 Posted June 15, 2006 Share Posted June 15, 2006 George Bush. (Or is that the worlds worst joke?) Link to post Share on other sites
Curt 1 Posted June 15, 2006 Share Posted June 15, 2006 Nah, not funny that. The opposite of funny. (Coming to think of it, blank mind, what is the opposite of funny?) Link to post Share on other sites
Weegeoff 0 Posted June 26, 2006 Share Posted June 26, 2006 Mummy mummy little jimmes penis is like a peanut Is it only tiny No It tastes. salty Link to post Share on other sites
bushpig 0 Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 Why did the chicken cross the basketball court? It heard the referee was blowing fowls... Link to post Share on other sites
Weegeoff 0 Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 Walking through the long grass I trod on a guy,s bum A female voice said Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
tsondaboy 0 Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 There were 2 guys lining up to the Urologist. The second guy in line, out of concern of his own situation starts up a conversation: Second in line: Hi dude, what’s your problem, why are you here today? First in line: You know, I am a bit embarrassed to talk about it, but since you ask, my penis is green and blue and red lately…… Second guy: Whooo…. dude, it seems that we have similar problems. My penis is also green lately…… First guy: Ok man I am going in first, so after I came out I will tell you if it is something nasty or not. So the first guy goes in the doctor’s office and after only 5 minutes have passed he comes out with a big grin on his face. Second guy: What’s up man, what did the doctor tell you???? First guy: Ohhhhh, mate it’s nothing really serious. He just gave me some cleaning lotion and a deodorant and told me that it will eventually fade out in 2-3 days. Second guy: Thanks dude, I feel a bit better now. So the second guy goes in and starts explaining his situation to the doctor. Second guy: Doctor there seems to be a problem with the color of my penis, but I think its nothing really serious. Doctor: May I ask you to remove your underwear sir. Second guy: Sure thing here you go. Doctor: Shit man….. what on earth did you do to your penis!!!! Ok I will give you a 15 cc shot now but you will have to come here every day for the next 1-2 months to get an other one. I will also subscribe you some pills that you have to take 2 every 6 hours, and an ointment to put on 4 times a day. Second guy: But….But….. I thought it was nothing serious….. to the other guy that came in before me and his penis was red, blue and green, you just gave him a lotion…Mine is only green… why do I have to go through all this??????? Doctor: Because his penis was green, red and blue from lipstick. Yours is green from mould!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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