Jokes

[damian 0]

Little Johnny walks into the bathroom and finds his mum drying off after a shower:

 

Little Johnny: mummy, whats that between your legs?

Little Johhny's mum: umm, that's where daddy got me with the axe.

Little Johnny:[b/] No shit???! F****g good shot! he got you right in the c***

[nzlegend 1]

I have Scottish friend who informed me all about Chavs and the Scottish variation Neds (non educated delinquents)

 

when in doubt - Wiki it!

 

Chav is a derogatory slang term which has been in wide use throughout the United Kingdom since 2004. It refers to a subcultural stereotype of a person with:

fashions such as flashy "bling" jewellery and/or counterfeit designer clothes (particularly Burberry);

uneducated, impoverished background;

a tendency to congregate around places such as fast-food outlets or other shopping areas;

a culture of antisocial behaviour.

 

In the past such people have been called yobs. Response to the term has ranged from amusement to criticism that the term is a new manifestation of classism.

 

 

The stereotypical chav is someone who:

wears particular clothing, such as:

Brand name athletic clothing and shoes. Stereotypically, this might include white trainers and tracksuits.

Fake designer clothing and accessories, in particular the distinctive tartan of Burberry, similar to (and perhaps derived from) the casuals of football supporters.

"Bling": that is, gaudy gold jewellery - in particular conspicuous earrings and trinkets on chains for women, and gold sovereign rings for men.

Sports caps and hoodies. Often both are worn, the hood pulled up over the baseball cap, thus obscuring the wearer's face.

Sports or jogging trousers, often tucked into white sports socks. These are also referred to as "tracky b's", "trackies" or "tracky bottoms".

if female, wears thickly applied make-up, makes heavy use of fake tan, and has a hairstyle in which the hair is pulled back into a tight bun or ponytail (called a "Croydon facelift" [8] or "council-house facelift"), and stilettos.

is associated with with crass, drunken behaviour and minor criminal activities. This includes unprovoked attacks on members of the public (see happy slapping), vandalism, verbal abuse and drug abuse. This may be carried out under the influence of cheap alcohol, often after the pubs have closed.

lives on housing estates and other low-income neighbourhoods.

owns large, dangerous attack dogs.

owns a tastelessly modified car, usually with a basic original specification, but decorated in the style popularised by the film The Fast and the Furious. A high specification music system with amplified bass may also be included.

takes part in under-aged drinking and sex (and, consequently, is associated with teen pregnancy).

congregates and loiters in areas such as shopping centres, outside off-licences and fastfood carparks.

is fond of texting language slang.

pronounces English in a style that is seen to be unsophisticated and characterised by slack diction - for example, the pronunciation of "thing" as "fing".

[misorano 1]

Snowglider:

I just google earthed your location.

Amazing bit of software.

[powwwers 0]

Whats hard and hairy on the outside,

soft and moist on the in.

Starts with a `C`,

ends witha `T`.

and has got a `U` and an `N` in the middle???

 

give up??

 

a coconut

[woywoy 0]

Nice one powwers. Like DBs one too!

[Ocean11 0]

I have linked my home-WMD system to Google Earth, and snowglider's coords will make a convenient place to start my test firing programme. Heads!

[misorano 1]

O11:

Be nice. Lob a few at me if you like:

 

33.84N, 132.77E

[Ocean11 0]

Ha, that would miss!

 

I'd see the very bright flash behind the castle, and hear the ambulances racing to their slow doom, but I'd be protected.

 

(It would however take out one of my favourite bars, you son of a bitch.)

[misorano 1]

So your WMD program is just small time is it.

You should be ashamed of yourself, saying you have a program and all is it is little 10 megaton fire crackers.

Anything under 20 megaton is much like pissing on a electric fence. Not much fun, but make a good story in the pub.

 

Maybe you should move into botulism or anthrax. Nows there a good little allatolah.

[Ocean11 0]

It's thermobarics. I can make 'em as big or as little as I want. And the good thing is they're not officially classed as 'Wepnza Mass Destrucs-hun'. The WMD stands for 'weapons of moderate destruction'. You'll see when I get your coords.

[nzlegend 1]

actually my coordinates are about 10km wrong, I got from an old software, when I checked them in google earth they were off. So O11 bomb away, you will get some neighbouring suburb, perhaps clearing some space for anew park, that would be nice...

[misorano 1]

O11:

Taking us out would make you public enemy #1 on this board, as if you got us, you'd get snowbeds too, and where would all the ski bums stay then?

 

Be a leader mate. Make a statement.

E139.7435, N35.6945

[Ocean11 0]

Smoking hakama! I'm guessing that's Yasukuni Ginger...

[misorano 1]

That's the one.

 

I was gonna post a few more worthy targets but Uncle Sam may start to take an interest and launch a preemptive strike on Hakuba.