nagpants 1 Posted July 15, 2005 Share Posted July 15, 2005 I have no idea where this comes from (apart from a friend) but it made me chuckle ---- To my farty boss and his bowels. I hear you. I hear you in there. I hear you farting. Shifting in your leather chair. Trying to muffle your bodily noises in your vibrating chair pad (which is creepy enough). Worse: I smell you. The first day you did this, I thought someone had burned a Lean Cuisine Salisbury Steak in the microwave. The second day, I stupidly asked you if you smelled "that vile odor". You blushed and said, "I have this little problem when I am stressed, excited, or eat a lot of protein in the mornings..." and thus began the Awkward Relationship I Have With Your Bowels. Man, I am your assistant. I can help with the stress factor, that's sort of my purpose. But listen, can't you lay off the protein bars and egg whites and ostrich sausage in the mornings? Can you eat them, say, at lunch or at night, and torture your family and pets with the resulting stench? I am tired of burning candles in my office like I'm trying to ward off the Samhain Fart Satyr. I dread bringing you files because I don't ALWAYS hear you and sometimes am very unpleasantly surprised by the greasy cloud that surrounds your work area. I really like you. You're a great boss. You take great care of me. But this has to stop before I burst a blood vessel in my eye from holding my breath when I come close to you. See a gastroenterological specialist already; I'll even make the appointment! Link to post Share on other sites
Ocean11 0 Posted July 15, 2005 Share Posted July 15, 2005 At my last company, there was a bloke who thought it was safe to fart at the far end of the narrow 'tunnel' of filing cabinets. He didn't realize that there was a powerful current of warm air starting at shin height from a window-mounted heating unit. So the fart gas was carried, preserved at a perfect inside-the-rectum temperature, straight back into the office, to deliver a rich blast of fresh turd smell, directly into the hermetically sealed room. My desk was nearest the filing section. After a while I started shouting "Ah, kusai!! Nani sono nioi?!" Link to post Share on other sites
fukdane 2 Posted July 15, 2005 Share Posted July 15, 2005 I'm fairly near the toilet as well in our office and have to put up with some very unfriendly smells. Takahashi is the worst. See him coming for his morning dump (10am-10:15am without fail) and I take a trip for 10 minutes. Link to post Share on other sites
merryJim 1 Posted July 16, 2005 Share Posted July 16, 2005 I very very rarely break wind. I know a guy who seems to be farting all the time. I'm glad I don't have to put up with that. Link to post Share on other sites
spook 0 Posted July 16, 2005 Share Posted July 16, 2005 Aaahh, yes. There’s nothing like letting rip with a very satisfying fart only to have someone walk into the little airless room you’re in. No better way to lose the affections of the good looking bird at work. Link to post Share on other sites
scouser 4 Posted July 19, 2005 Share Posted July 19, 2005 One guy in our office and he does not seem to care in the least if people hear him fart. And he does. A lot. Sweaty, unlikable chap all round he is. Link to post Share on other sites
smelly feet 0 Posted July 21, 2005 Share Posted July 21, 2005 Maybe he can't help his farting to a certain extent. Let's try to be understanding on these matter. Link to post Share on other sites
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