hellyer

tunia

You are of course referring to the sack loads of TK fan mail that arrives every day SJ-David. You must be snowed under

SUBJECT: FW: The sensuous wife..!!! WITH A VERY SEDUCTIVE VOICE THE WOMAN ASKED HER HUSBAND, "HAVE YOU EVER SEEN TWENTY DOLLARS ALL CRUMPLED UP?" "NO," SAID HER HUSBAND. SHE GAVE HIM A SEXY LITTLE SMILE, UNBUTTONED THE TOP 3 OR 4 BUTTONS OF HER BLOUSE, AND SLOWLY REACHED DOWN INTO THE CLEAVAGE CREATED BY A SOFT, SILKY PUSH-UP BRA, AND PULLED OUT A CRUMPLED TWENTY DOLLAR BILL. HE TOOK THE CRUMPLED TWENTY DOLLAR BILL FROM HER AND SMILED APPROVINGLY. She then asked him, "Have you ever seen Fifty Dollars all crumpled up?" "UH... NO, I HAVEN'T," HE SAID, WI

Four old timers were playing their weekly game of golf, one remarked how nice it would be to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round. His buddies all chimed in said, "Let's do it! We'll make it a priority; figure out a way and meet here early, Christmas morning." Months later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the golf course. The first guy says, "Boy this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife a diamond ring that she can't take her eyes off of." The second g

Wife texts husband on a cold winter’s morning: “Windows frozen, won’t open.” Husband texts back: “ Pour lukewarm water around the edges. ” Wife texts back 5 minutes later: “Whole computer screwed up now.”

Proofreading is a dying art, wouldn't you say? Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!! They put in a correction the next day. I just couldn't help but send this along. Too funny. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says Really? Ya think? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Dinner She wanted to serve her guests mushroom-smothered steak, but she had no mushrooms and no time to buy them. Her husband suggested, "Why don't you go pick some of the mushrooms that are growing wild down by the stream? "No, some wild mushrooms are poisonous." "Well, I see squirrels eating them and they're OK." So she picked a bunch and washed, sliced and sautéed them for her dinner. Then she went out on the back porch and gave Spot, their dog, a double handful. Spot ate every bite. All morning long, she watched the dog. The wild mushrooms hadn't affecte

I feel fear a pies spoiler is just around the corner

Q: 'Excuse me, are you a pole vaulter?' A: 'No I'm German, but how did you know my name is Walter?'

Night Encounter You appeared from nowhere and shamelessly, without any reservations, you laid on my naked body … you sensed my indifference, so you applied your hungry mouth to me without any guilt or humiliation and you drove me near crazy while you drained me. Finally, I drifted off to sleep. Today when I awoke, you were gone, I searched for you but to no avail, only the sheets bore witness to last night's events. My body still bears faint marks of your enthusiastic ravishing, making it all the more difficult to forget you. Tonight, I will remain awake, waiting for you ... .........

Martin Goes to the Dentist Martin and his wife Debbie walk into a dentist's office. Martin says to the dentist, "Doc, I'm in one heck of a hurry I have three buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to play golf, so forget about the anaesthetic, I don't have time for the gums to get numb. I just want you to pull the tooth, and be done with it! Today is Friday and we have a 10:00 AM tee time at the best golf course in town and it's 9:15 already... ". The dentist thought to himself, "My goodness, this is surely a very brave man asking to have a tooth pulled without using anything to ki

One for Tubby and Ippy Englishman, Scotsman and the 3 Cookies An Englishman and a Scotsman go to a pastry shop. The Englishman whisks three cookies into his pocket with lightning speed. The baker doesn't notice. The Englishman says to the Scotsman: "You see how clever we are? You'll never beat that!" The Scotsman says to the Englishman: "Watch this, a Scotsman is always cleverer than an Englishman." He says to the baker, "Give me a cookie, I can show you a magic trick!" The baker gives him the cookie which the Scotsman promptly eats. Then he says to the baker: "Give me a

Happy Easter

That bloke from Hakuba deserves a kick up the ass for being a downright lying bastard. Yes no doubt there were some 'awesome' moments (trains and airports shut down etc) but he did not mention a 9 day period in with no significant snowfall and then a day and a half of continious heavy rain that turned the valley to sheet shit ice for a few days after.

Most of mine slips through the net. For holidays

pee

Thanks for taking us along for the ride Mike

ichi achi

Umm, If I pm my address, can you mail me a slice?

Stop it this minute !! I am drooling all over my shirt

Nozawa

NOAH TODAY In the year 2014, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in Somerset and said: "Once again, the earth has become evil and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans." He gave Noah the blueprints, saying: "You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights." Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark. "Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?" "Forgive me, L