Divorce

[snowboarding-sam 0]

I just found out last night that my parents are getting divorced.

 

Talk about an unexpected shock to the system.... I would never have imagined it.

 

Any folks been through that kind of thing.

[bushpig 0]

That sucks mate I haven't been through it.

[bobby12 0]

Happened to several of my friends at school and it affected them very badly.

 

My parents split when I was a baby which I think is the best way to do it, if it has to be done at all.

[me jane 0]

Mine divorced when I was 17. I was very shocked & upset at the time but later realised it was for the best. They are both much happier now.

My youngest sister was only 8 at the time so I think it was much harder on her being passed between the two houses until she got old enough to decide for herself.

I guess I was lucky because in my parents' case the divorce was relatively amicable and there were no other partners involved.

[snobee 0]

I went through it as a parent many years ago.

 

Lots of bitter, sweet, angst, happy, lonely, swinging type feelings and put unecessary pressures on my young kid at that time and for future years.

 

Now I'm the mutual friend acting as a go between for a seperated international couple. She Canadian, he Japanese and 2 little kids. She's been back in Canada for 8 months and now he's got a secret girlfriend and both want to reconcile, but also they don't/can't.

 

Many tough phonecalls & e-mails.

 

I wish they'd sort out & accept their differences and get back together.

 

Life - hardly a merry-go-round.

More like a sucking whirlpool.

[indosnm 0]

Thats a terrible situation to be in snobee, I don't envy you.

[mayhem22 0]

that sucks snowboarding-sam. i guess you think if they've been together this long it's never gonna change. like bobby12 my parents divorced before i can even remember them being together; i agree, it's the best way to do it.

 

i feel for you. i think one piece of advice i might offer (tentatively, not having been through it myself but just witnessing many people go through it) is any feelings that you have, of anger, sadness, or whatever, or any questions, talk to them about it if/when you feel comfortable doing so. that way the feelings of resentment that are so common maybe won't have as much time to fester? i don't know you so i don't know if you'd have them to begin with, but i definitely think that communication is key.

[snowboarding-sam 0]

Thanks for the posts. I'm considering going back home (for a few weeks) just a bit earlier than I planned.

[tsondaboy 0]

Mine got divorced, when I was 19. It didn’t have much effect on me because I also thought that that was the best thing for them to do. My younger brother though, 18 at the time, had hard time accepting the fact. He also let himself get involved in the procedure, which gave him a lot of stress at the time.

Best advice I can give you from my experience is, stay neutral and don’t let them use you as a shield or messenger.

[me jane 0]

I agree Tsondaboy. I went to uni less than a year after mine decided to split so I missed a lot of it. Much more stressful for my two sisters who were living it everyday. SB-Sam I don't know your family situation but it might not be the best idea to go home now as you'll just end up getting more upset by it all and your being there won't necessarily help your parents (but again I don't know your situation, I'm just thinking about my experience). Then again if you've got younger siblings they might appreciate you coming back to support them. I know my sisters were always glad to have me to talk to about everything that was going on - especially as I managed to stay more neutral by being away most of the time.