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Posts posted by iiyamadude
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Tangram ski circus
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Dear Jetstar...
Do you like riddles? I do, that's why I'm starting this letter with one. What weighs more than a Suzuki Swift, less than a Hummer and smells like the decaying anus of a deceased homeless man? No idea? How about, what measures food portions in kilograms and has the personal hygiene of a French prostitute? Still nothing? Right, one more try. What's fat as f***, stinks like shit and should be forced to purchase two seats on a Jetstar flight? That's right, it's the man I sat next to under on my flight from Perth to Sydney yesterday.
As I boarded the plane, I mentally high-fived myself for paying the additional $25 for an emergency seat. I was imagining all that extra room, when I was suddenly distracted by what appeared to be an infant hippopotamus located halfway down the aisle.
As I got closer, I was relieved to see that it wasn't a dangerous semi-aquatic African mammal, but a morbidly obese human being. However, this relief was short-lived when I realised that my seat was located somewhere underneath him.
Soon after I managed to burrow into my seat, I caught what was to be the first of numerous fetid whiffs of body odour. His scent possessed hints of blue cheese and Mumbai slum, with nuances of sweaty flesh and human faeces sprayed with cologne - Eau No.
Considering I was visibly under duress, I found it strange that none of the cabin crew offered me another seat. To be fair, it's entirely possible that none of them actually saw me. Perhaps this photo will jog their memories.
Pinned to my seat by a fleshy boulder, I started preparing for a 127 Hours-like escape. Thankfully though, the beast moved slightly to his left, which allowed me to stand up, walk to the back of the plane and politely ask the cabin crew to be seated elsewhere. I didn't catch the names of the three flight attendants, but for the purpose of this letter, I'll call them: Chatty 1, Chatty 2 and Giggly (I've given them all the same surname - Couldnotgiveash***).
After my request, Chatty 1 and Chatty 2 continued their conversation, presumably about how s*** they are at their jobs, and Giggly, well, she just giggled. I then asked if I could sit in one of the six vacant seats at the back of the aircraft, to which Giggly responded, "hehehe, they're for crew only, hehehe". I think Giggly may be suffering from some form of mental impairment.
I tried to relocate myself without the assistance of the Couldnotgiveas*** triplets, but unfortunately everyone with a row to themselves was now lying down. It was then I realised that my fate was sealed. I made my way back to Jabba the Hutt and spent the remainder of the flight smothered in side-boob and cellulite, taking shallow breaths to avoid noxious gas poisoning. Just before landing,
I revisited the back of the plane to use the toilet. You could imagine my surprise when I saw both "crew only" rows occupied by non-crew members. I can only assume Giggly let them sit there after she forgot who she was and why she's flying on a big, shiny metal thing in the sky.
Imagine going out for dinner and a movie, only to have your night ruined by a fat mess who eats half your meal then blocks 50% of the screen. Isn't that exactly the same as having someone who can't control their calorie intake occupying half your seat on a flight? Of course it is, so that's why I'm demanding a full refund of my ticket, including the $25 for an emergency row seat.
I'm also looking to be compensated for the physical pain and mental suffering caused by being enveloped in human blubber for four hours. My lower back is in agony and I had to type this letter one-handed as I'm yet to regain full use of my left side. If I don't recover completely, I'll have to say goodbye to my lifelong dream of becoming Air Guitar World Champion. If that occurs, you will pay.
To discuss my generous compensation package, email me at: richwisken@hotmail.com, or tweet me at: @RichWisken
No regards,
Rick
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Not a problem with cover at all and have been some good conditions, but noticeably less in this area.
So yes, some consistent dumpage and associated moriagaru would be good.
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Well, as I live in the area and drive myself around in my car, I don't use such services.
So I really don't know actually.
But I said I would ask my accommodation. They may be riding over their mini bus themselves.
Also, as ippy said, Madarao as a mid point might be an idea.
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Often very unique look has Zao.
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I know a few people who have been messed around seriously by IXSM.
I would not recommend them, in fact the opposite.
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Question.
Does the Japanese 'saru' cover both monkeys and apes?
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a Victorian man? From another era?
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Or ask your accommodation.
The festival is popular, there will be lots of people going there.
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Friend just got caught for 'speeding ' through a 30kmh zone at a speed-of-light-like 39kmh.
You'd think they would go after the people whizzing through at 70kmh wouldn't you, there's enough of them.
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Get a spare one for the bedroom too!
I must admit that I do not know in details component charges, but some of the Apple markups are comical. Traditionally on RAM.
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Delivered
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Still no update on the UK tracking site.
But if I put it into the Japanese PO tracking site, it tells me it has cleared customs in Tokyo.
So, hopefully I'll get it tomorrow.
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I think older people seem to like that, there's memories involved.
Not so much for the younger gang though!
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Nozawa used to be electric chip, but is now paper.
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Actually I would have thought that muikabochi - if they hadn't shown me the receipt on Tuesday.
I reckon gg is right, it has just taken an age to get to the airport for some reason.
Hopefully I might get it by Wednesday.
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Tracking parcels is quite fun isn't it. If they are being fast that is.
I bought something from the UK which was, I was told, posted on Monday. But the 'tracking' always came up with a nothing here mate response until this morning. It changed to this:
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It's on its way
Your item, posted on 14/12/13 with reference XXBLOODYSLOWXXX has been passed to the overseas postal service for delivery in JAPAN.
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Posted on 14th? Er no, posted on the 9th.
What do you make of that? It's just left the UK........ or it has arrived in Japan?
Online search shows people just as confused. Anyone with any first hand.
I don't like waiting.
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Mel Smith passed away this year didn't he
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I'll have to check on them again. Just purely for research.
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Having to go back at the end of the day as well is not cool.
Dear Jetstar
in General off-topic discussions
Posted
I just experienced reading it and copy/pasting DiGriz.