badmigraine
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Posts posted by badmigraine
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Two weeks ago I boarded at Mt. Brighton here in Michigan...it is a tiny row of hills covered with man-made snow (I call it "ice").
The back of one of the hills is about 45 degrees and maybe 30 meters long. It is usually closed, but the resort does put man-made snow on it and uses it for some kind of racing once or twice a month.
I went down it 2-3 times, and was strapping in to go down again when two teenage skiers came up and peered over the edge. I could hear them talking:
"I'll go down if you do!"
"Uh...it looks really icy... Let's not do it, OK?"
Just then a ski patroller skied up. "YOU KIDS GET AWAY FROM THERE NOW!!" he yelled. "I'M GOING TO WARN YOU NOW AND IF I SEE YOU GO DOWN THERE AGAIN, YOU LOSE YOUR LIFT TICKETS!!"
The kids were surprised and so was I. One of them replied "Wait, we didn't do anything wrong...we haven't even gone down here..."
"DON'T LIE TO ME, I SAW YOU!!! AND YOU WERE ABOUT TO DO IT AGAIN!! NOW I'M GOING TO WRITE DOWN YOUR NAMES!!!"
This patroller was a sour petty old man, reminded me of some of the teachers I had in jr. high school.
"Uh...sir, we ski here all the time, we have season passes, you can ask them down at the lodge they know us...we haven't done anything wrong..."
"DON'T GIVE ME THAT!! DON'T GIVE ME THAT!! I SAW YOU DO IT!! NOW, YOU JUST LOST YOUR SEASON PASSES. SHOW ME YOUR PASS NUMBER! YOU ARE OUT OF HERE!!"
"But sir, wait, we never went down here! You can't do this!"
At that point I chimed in. "Hey, these kids haven't gone down this hill. I did it four times already, but they never did."
The patroller's eyes bugged out.
"YOUR PASS IS GONE, TOO, BUDDY! JUST WAIT THERE UNTIL I GET DONE WITH THESE KIDS."
I considered shoving this a**hole down the 45-degree grade. I considered hucking off the lip and riding it right under his nose to see whether he would keep harassing those poor kids, or follow me.
One of the kids said "See? We never went down this hill. You can't take our passes!!"
Things were going badly for the patroller. He was close to exploding with rage. You could see the wheels turning in his head.
"YOU KIDS SHUT UP!! AND, I SAW YOU CUTTING IN LINE OVER ON THE CHAIRLIFTS! YOU'VE BEEN CUTTING IN LINE ALL DAY!!"
"What--? We never cut in line...what are you talking about?"
At any day at Mt. Brighton, the lift line is maybe 3 people long. To cut in line, you'd have to jump over a fence and shove people aside right in the loading area.
"GIVE ME YOUR PASSES, YOU ARE OUT OF HERE!"
Now, I'll be the first to admit that I have a real problem with puffed-up authority figures and uniform-wearing autocrats. Also, having been "framed" a few times as a kid, where teachers, cops and parents believed a lying adult instead of me, I have a seething rage that boils over in situations like this.
I could feel myself begin to lose it.
However, as a 39-year-old and a member of the California State Bar, I kept my cool as best I could. I unstrapped and walked over to stand between the patroller and the kids.
"Look, I think you made a great point. This ice wall is dangerous and people should stay off it. I think these guys know that now, too, right guys?"
"Uh...yeah, whatever. But we didn't go down it!"
The patroller said to me "YOU, SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN UNTIL I GET DONE WITH THESE KIDS. I'M DEALING WITH YOU LATER!!" As he said this, he rapped his ski pole on my leg and made as if to shove me aside.
It seemed that words had no effect on him. He had totally lost it... I wasn't really quite sure where this was going. I wished there were TV cameras around to prove to the world that this guy was totally abusing his authority...then I remembered my digital camera, tucked into a zippered pocket. The batteries had long since died in the -12 degree cold, but the only other person who knew that was my sister, and she was in the lodge drinking tequila shots.
I threw off my gloves, pulled out the camera, and pretended to take pictures of this patrol prick. A shot of his face, his name badge, him standing there talking to the kids...I kept on shooting, all the while saying "You've screwed up now, buddy! You are totally in the wrong here, and it's three witnesses against one! You'll never patrol again here, and frankly you shouldn't patrol anywhere. You really are a nasty piece of work! Go on, keep going! I'm taking this down to the resort office and filing a complaint..."
This seemed to work, and after a few seconds he lightened up and resorted to schoomarmish warnings.
"I'M WATCHING YOU KIDS!! I'LL BE WATCHING YOU!! IF YOU CUT IN LINE AGAIN OR SKI OUT-OF-BOUNDS, YOUR PASSES ARE GONE AND YOU ARE BANNED FOR THE SEASON!!"
Eventually he skied away, shouting warnings over his shoulder.
I went down to the lodge and talked to management, but they acted like I was some kind of crazed liar.
When I got home I wrote a letter on my "attorney-at-law" stationery and sent it in, but I doubt anything will come of it.
The reason I post this long story is, I can see how tempers get frayed on the slopes. I've seen violent and irrational and lying patrollers myself.
And, I was ready to punch this guy in the face.
If there is any moral to this post, it is avoid authority figures on the slopes, and stay out of trouble. Once trouble starts rolling, it is impossible to steer it.
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Ocean, I observed the same obsessive mimicry in the Japanese company at which I worked.
Within a short period after arrival, all new penguins ended up performing the same exhausting ritual as the others, then staggered out at the end of the day just like the birds in your story.
And they have the same dark suit/white shirt style of dressing, too.
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As the latter half of mogski's Kagura thread illustrates, it might be nice to have some kind of patch or sticker that identifies one as a Snow Japan maven on the slopes.
For interested extroverts, spying a fellow SJ-head on the slopes might make for a more jolly sliding experience, entertaining lift conversations and apres-ski fun.
How about something with the SJ logo and\or URL on it that resembles those "Hello, My Name Is" stickers, then each person can write in their own SJ screen name and proudly let the alpine world know who it is flowing down the steeps with such inimitable style and flair.
Or in the case of me and Mogski, lying exhausted at noon in a puddle of congealing beef curry and stale beer just outside of the base lodge steps.
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Good point, miteyak.
Often the Xtreme, pro, or wanna/gonnabe-pro people who most vociferously decline to wear helmets are the very ones who should be wearing them.
It's not like there is any perplexing question about whether helmets actually work...
I guess I missed indoctrination to the philosophy that it's cool to skip helmets or pads when doing dangerous things. Lucky me.
Heard a good one at the Mt. Brighton pipe here in Michigan. Some teen was jeering at another teen for wearing a helmet.
The helmet guy replied, "Yeah, I can see how it's a waste of helmet money to try to protect YOUR tiny feeble brain..."
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There is an excellent, authentic Mexican restaurant called Salsita about 5 minutes' walk from Ebisu station. It faces the Yamanote Line tracks (left hand side as the train goes from Ebisu to Shibuya).
Salsita's soft tacos are much like the ones you might get at King Taco in East L.A., or in some of the authentic Mexican places in south Texas, Southern Cal or Mexican border towns like Tijuana and Juarez.
They make incredible thick delicious frozen margaritas by throwing raw fruit, tequila and ice into a blender.
They have a homemade cappucino sherbet which brought a tear to my eye. It even has a bit of tequila in it, but you can't taste that.
A pretty complete menu in a tiny little restaurant--soups, appetizers, mains, booze and beers, desserts... The cook lived in Central and South America for years and he is great. It's almost like home cooking...
I went twice a week for awhile after I found it.
Cheap too. Try to get there around 6 pm or shortly thereafter. It is a small place and fills up quickly.
Here are a couple under-informative reviews of it:
The alternative is the fake, cheese-soaked American style "Mexican" that you'd get at a chain like El Torito or Zest (several in Tokyo) or the somewhat better but boring Fonda della Madrugada in Harajuku.
Adios, amigo
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That's easy, Mogs. "Tuke" is another word for hat! Don't they teach that one in Kiwiland?
As for the cold van,
'nuff said! -
Hey Mogs, did your girlfriend go on the trip?
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...and if you go by Mogski's van, it is ABBA and Bee Gees and Neil Daimond all the way.
A styling ride!
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Er deebee sorry, but Mogs is by no means normal-sized.Quote:Originally posted by deebee:
I do feel for you mogski. You are a normal sized western male...
Some parts of him are rather larger than normal, and others much smaller than normal.
I'll leave it to you to imagine which parts are which...we have some pics from a drunken surf camp trip that I can mail you privately.
Now, back to my red wine and movie ("Eight-Legged Freaks"). -
Judging from Mogski's 1,000 line post, he has nothing to do at work.
May I suggest that this is unexpected and bizarre? Of course my temporary relocation to Walled Lake, Michigan may have some incicental effect on the number of hours of Mogski drunkenness, but apart from that I think the problem is clear for all to see:
Mogski has elected to spend more time fretting about skiing and ski gear, than he as to fretting about women and his own personal sexual gratification.
I am in a position to remind the board that Mogski is quite comfortable with normal carnal relations. He does not need the deluxe French treatment etc.
As for yours truly, I am accepting orders from any and all aggressive or dominant women out there.
Thanks for your patience, and good luck from me and my antique rubber and plastic diving bell.
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I can recommend an antique diving suit complete with glass globe headpiece, some brown streaking but perfectly functional.
Could be good protective gear for someone who doesn't know the practical consequences of bathoscopic coprophilia.
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"...tensioned out and flabby like an old man's..."
I resent that remark mogski!
I was tensioned out and flabby as a YOUNG man. None of this age discrimination please!!
Nice review of Kandatsu by the way. In addition, I should warn everyone not to drop their locker key behind the bench back in the rotenburo. Otherwise, you have to go naked in search of someone with a polehook or very long thin arms.
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Asleep by day
Drunkard by late afternoon
Unemployed by choice
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No worries Fattwins, Mogs prefers fat twin tips on both skis and women!
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If Mogs has to choose between that jacket and snow tires, then look for a van gone nose-first into the ditch and a new green jacket flouncing down the slopes!
Sure is a fine-looking jacket.
Mogs, didn't you buy a new jacket last season? A green one?
And new boots?
And new bindings?
And new skis?
And a new backpack?
And a wetsuit and Oakley surf glasses and some rash shirts and board shorts? And a DaKine surf cap?
And an avalanche shovel?
And expensive Burton gloves?
Were those new ski socks I saw you putting on last season?
And haven't you gone through two of the largest-breasted gals at work in the past year?
What with your brand-new used van, this is enough to push a third-world country into bankruptcy.
I like your shopping style!
Do you need us to send you our wish lists so you can continue shopping in the fine style you have exhibited to date?
If not, might we ask if you have any extra large-breasted girls to dole out?
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Mogski--
blighter by day
Bentover by night
Drunkard by any standard!
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I've always liked the brand of tire here called "Donuts".
Another favorite brand is "Captain Santa Sporting Goods", especially the ashtrays.
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"Keeps me well warm in Niigata"??
All I can remember about temperature control in Niigata is unzipping whatever we had and dripping with sweat.
That place hardly ever gets cold enough to justify technical gear. And you're never more than one quick run from the lodge where they sell espresso drinks.
You're better off in Niigata in workout attire. Whatever you wear will be soaked in sweat and stinky!
I recommend no underwear at all at Niigata!
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I quit my job at Mogski's whingeing company, and I STILL have to go and work there today--a national holiday!!
Even worse, my job is to try to handle and control a person who is like a bull in a china shop!
Well if that's what they want to pay me for, then who am I to stop them.
I'll try to run up the hours so I can get some new gear like Talisker!
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Aw, shucks!
If only you knew that Ian's talent as a writer is eclipsed by his talents as a cross-cultural observer.
Many a time we hesitated to venture upstairs for fear of disturbing his delicate but thorough nocturnal observations.
I expect he'll don a kilt as onslope/apres attire for next season in order to expedite his daring forays into unexplored territory.
Haw haw haw haw haw!!!
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Mogs, I don't quite know what you're signing me up for here.
Fatty's not into S&M.
Rumour has it that he spent last season as a cross-dressed, petticoated French Maid at a notorious Hirafu flophouse where it was said of the other staff that "the pistons are firing in all cylinders".
Now pardon my while I get back to this last bottle of VB.
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danz, I intentionally voted the wrong way in order to cancel out your involuntary vote.
That should have equalled out the karma, though maybe not the actual votes.
Now all we need is someone to involuntarily volunteer to incorrectly vote the correct way, and this should even out the odds.
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I's could go if it war 2 Frydays from Now.
The Hobgoblin Pub in Nogizaka (5 minutes walk from Roppongi Crossing, in the *other* direction) has a huge selection of delicious English and other imported beers that you can read all about at the Wychwood Brewery home page:
Had a Dog's Bollocks Ale and a Hellraiser the other night.
And some French beer called "Jenlain".
And two pints of Kilkenney (tap).
Then a pint of bitter.
And a Bass Pale Ale (tap).
And then I had a hangover...
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Thanks Ocean, I'm glad *somebody* is getting some work done tonight!
I'm unable to stop wandering away from the task at hand. Why just a few minutes ago I was poring over a post from last year in which Nat lamented that there are no salt n vinegar chips here in Japan.
Why this is simply not true!!! I see them all the time here in Tokyo.
And as a matter of fact, I cannot stop salivating over the prospect!!
I could cycle over to the Tokyu Food Show and pick up a bag. Do you think that might help me get some work done?
OK then!
Off I go!!
Full report in half an hour or so.
What's the point of living in a high-rent area like I do, it you can't live it up once in awhile.
Hello My Name Is...
in Snow talk, trip reports, Japan avalanche & backcountry
Posted
Ocean, you bring the beer or some of that 2003 shochu. We'll handle the congealing curry...
Skemmy, I'd pay small money for something like that. Look, I spent $17.99 on a disgusting used brown snowsuit with filthy stained cream collor and elastic clasp-belt. I spend a few hundred yen per can of beer in the lodge...
You have to be in touch with your onslope priorities