hellyer
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Posts posted by hellyer
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"Unfortunately, no-one won the top prize of a week's luxury accommodation at Mt Granview plus spending cash prize of 500,000 yen"
So it jackpots to the next competition?
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Brutus - at it again
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I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE LIFESAVER MINTS HAVE A HOLE IN THE MIDDLE BECAUSE IF IT GETS CAUGHT IN YOUR THROAT YOU CAN STILL BREATHE.
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Metal detector
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A guy walks into a bar with a monkey. The monkey grabbed some olives off the bar and ate them.
Then he grabbed some sliced limes and ate them. He then jumped onto the pool table and grabbed one of the balls. To everyone's amazement, he stuck it in his mouth and somehow swallowed it whole.
The bartender looked at the guy and said, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"
"No, what?"
"He just ate the cue ball off my pool table...whole!"
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy, "he eats everything in sight, don't worry, I'll pay for the cue ball."
The guy finished his drink, paid his bill, paid for the stuff the monkey ate and left.
Two weeks later the guy came back and had his monkey with him. He ordered a drink and the monkey started running around the bar. The monkey found a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabbed it, stuck it up his butt, pulled it out and then ate it.
Then the monkey found a peanut and, again, stuck it up his butt, pulled it out and ate it.
The bartender asked, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"
"No, what?" replied the man.
"Well, he stuck both a maraschino cherry and a peanut up his butt, pulled them out, and ate them!"
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy.
"He'll eat anything, but ever since he had to shit out that cue ball, he measures everything first!"
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Quite a guy that Frank
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A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the
taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."
Passenger: 'Who?'
Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like
my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank
Feldman every single time."
Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."
Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the
Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera
baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the
piano. He was an amazing guy."
Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."
Cabbie: "There's more... He had a memory like a computer. He remembered
everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which
fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and
the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right."
Passenger: "Wow, some guy then."
Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic
jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made
a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He
would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was
always immaculate,shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never
made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman"
Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"
Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Frank, he died. I married his f----- widow.
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Of course.
Goodnight I am off to bed
Hope I don't dream
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Are you doing all right, snowjnky?
Thanks for asking MO
I am somewhat traumatised but another couple of Ebisu should see me pull through.
Now what was this topic about again?
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Pies,
I say Pies
where are you
watching that video more than three times is dangerous
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OMG!!!
Based on the clues I googled - star cherry blossom skijo and got this -
I may never wear my green pants again
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The first pic bears a resemblance to Norikura ??
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Air Show Disaster - AIRCRAFT HITS FOUR BUILDINGS
This is tough to see. It just shows the dangers of attending these events.
Amazing photo below shows great detail.
The pilot at low level had no control over his aircraft.
It narrowly misses a crowd gathered for the air show and slams into four buildings.
One can only imagine the horror of the occupants inside those buildings.
No one was killed, but it probably scared the shit out of them.
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Grandad and the Australian Taxation Office
The ATO decides to audit Grandad, and summons him to their office.
The auditor was not surprised when Grandad showed up with his lawyer.
The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the ATO finds that believable.'
I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandad. 'How about a demonstration?'
The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.'
Grandad says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.'
The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.'
Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.
Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.'
Now the auditor can tell Grandad isn't blind, so he takes the bet.
Grandad removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandad's lawyer as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandad asks 'I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.'
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
Grandad stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.
But Grandad's own lawyer moans and puts his head in his hands.
'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.
'Not really,' says the lawyer.. 'This morning, when Grandad told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!'
Don't Mess with Old People!
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spot on oo
your turn
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Where is this?
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Thanks for making it an easy one Muika.
i didn't take many pics at all this year but loads of video, - still sorting through it as have been incredibly busy with work - bad for keeping up with forum posting, but good for funding next few snow hol's
Will post a pic shortly
Word Association
in General off-topic discussions
Posted
Shakey