JohnJohn 0 Posted November 15, 2003 Share Posted November 15, 2003 So anyone with divorced parents? How did it affect you? Not so much or disaster, or even good thing? Link to post Share on other sites
Ocean11 0 Posted November 15, 2003 Share Posted November 15, 2003 I'm sure that what I have to say about this will be met with great clouds of flak, but here goes anyway. I will strongly recommend my children against marrying anybody from a family with divorced parents. They often don't have a clue what it takes overall to maintain a married life. They have to be taught certain aspects of the deal that they grew up unaware of, and it can be a tiresome job. Unfortunately, finding a partner who is not from a broken home will be increasingly difficult. I was looking through one of those find yer schoolmates websites, and at least half of my contemporaries seem to have divorced already. Link to post Share on other sites
peterson 0 Posted November 15, 2003 Share Posted November 15, 2003 I'm with you there. Makes for a screwed up life in more than a lot of cases, however sad that may be. Link to post Share on other sites
Ocean11 0 Posted November 15, 2003 Share Posted November 15, 2003 When the flak comes, I'm hiding behind peterson. Link to post Share on other sites
peterson 0 Posted November 15, 2003 Share Posted November 15, 2003 I am not an expert, but I know what I have seen and experienced. I have just observed that my friends who have divorced parents have - all of them - had a hassled and negatively "eventful" upbringing which has affected each of them to a greater or lesser degreen. With your parents divorcing, for whatever reason, it's surely going to be the case, surely that is unavoidable. Sad, yes, but not much can be done about that. Link to post Share on other sites
snobee 0 Posted November 15, 2003 Share Posted November 15, 2003 A close friend grew up in a "never say divorce" family. Even though he and his mother were constantly beaten and berated by his father - you know the sort "charmer on the outside, pryk inside" - his mother never never entertained divorce coz it just wasn't done. A few years ago she apologised to her son for his tormented younger years and realized she made a big mistake in not getting out. Now my friend who has negotiated many personal up and downs is trying desperately to hold his fragile 20yr marriage together. I'm hoping he can. But for any generalizations re. the topic - you can't! Link to post Share on other sites
Ocean11 0 Posted November 15, 2003 Share Posted November 15, 2003 Yes, there are certainly valid reasons for it, and there must be many cases where getting out is the better thing for the children. Link to post Share on other sites
peterson 0 Posted November 15, 2003 Share Posted November 15, 2003 Of course, but I'm sure beaten up mums doesnt account for a large % of the massive divorce rates. None of my friends were in that kind of situation. Link to post Share on other sites
snowboard_freak 0 Posted November 15, 2003 Share Posted November 15, 2003 My parents split when I was 16 or 17. It was a serious shock to myself and to all of our family friends. My mother was well and truly shocked as well. My parents always seemed to have the perfect relationship, no one believed it when they split up. All my mates though I was playing a practical joke on them. It us all pretty hard and I still to this day don't have a great relationship with him. He never answered any questions that myself or anyone else had. He should've given us all an explanation as he was to blame for it. Plus he lives in the UK so that doesn't help the relationship. But such is life. To begin with it hurt a lot but in hindsight it has helped me to become a stronger person. I feel I can deal with a lot more than I used to. It has also given me an incentive to be better to my kids (when i have them) than my father was to me and my siblings. O11 - i think it's pretty poor for you to advise your kids not to marry those who come from a family who has been through divorce. Each case is so very different. There is no way you can make such a huge generalisation. I happen to think that the divorce of my parents will help me in marriage - it has taught me what not to do as well as what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
peterson 0 Posted November 15, 2003 Share Posted November 15, 2003 Thats great to hear snowboard-freak. Good on ya Link to post Share on other sites
dancing_barefoot 0 Posted November 16, 2003 Share Posted November 16, 2003 peterson - why you feel so strongly on this? My parents are not divorced, but I have friends who are in that situation. And there is nothing abnormal about them at all. In fact, they seem to be all very good at coping with pressure. Perhaps this all depends on each individual situation? Link to post Share on other sites
2pints-mate 0 Posted November 21, 2003 Share Posted November 21, 2003 My parents divorced when I was young, both re-married. No problems with me, mate! Link to post Share on other sites
echineko 1 Posted November 22, 2003 Share Posted November 22, 2003 Divorce number is increasing very fast in Japan I think. Is it same overseas? Link to post Share on other sites
Bowler 0 Posted November 22, 2003 Share Posted November 22, 2003 i too am from a divorced family, happened when i was 6 and was probably for the better. being a wee boy and finding that out was pretty tough, only child and all, but my thankfully i was still able to see mi old man when he popped down from bonny scotland. thankfully the break up was settled outside the court room and i wasn't fought over by my parents. i think its a shame for children to be custodised by just the one parent. think it kinda creates a fence where as the kid is always climbing. i was brought up by just mi mam and i definately think that i am different (but not neccessarly worse off) because of that. however i dont think that im any less marryable. id like to think that itll even make me a better husband and father. Link to post Share on other sites
powwwers 0 Posted November 22, 2003 Share Posted November 22, 2003 i must agree with some earlier comments. i come from a broken home and i "don`t have a clue what it takes overall to maintain a married life." also, can somebody please teach me "certain aspects of the deal that `I` grew up unaware of, grew up anaware of," i would really appreciate it! pa-leease? just bcos some one comes from a broken marraige, doesn`t mean they can`t have a successful married life `emselves. just tha same as peeps who come from an `ideal` family life don`t end up living happily ever after. it all depends on the person. whatever doesn`t kill ya only makes ya stronger! Link to post Share on other sites
Ocean11 0 Posted November 22, 2003 Share Posted November 22, 2003 Sneer if you will. I'm going by what I've seen - real people, having real difficulties, and passing them right along. I wonder how much personal experience of married life the sneerers have. None, perhaps? Of course it all depends on the individual, and clearly people whose parents divorced enter marriage with the best will in the world, but I have reason to believe that that's not all that's required. Obviously there are many cases where people from families that stayed together can't stay married. I watched one of my ex-girlfriends go through divorce with her husband who just couldn't help behaving like his divorced father did. Her parents were very happily married, but she married somebody from a divorced family. Then there are cases where people from whole families are personally too selfish to stay married. That happens. When I say I will warn my children about this, I'm just looking to improve their odds. There's no certainty available. Link to post Share on other sites
xxx 2 Posted November 25, 2003 Share Posted November 25, 2003 painful as it may be gotta agree with powwwers It can, and often does, make people stronger than they would have been. Link to post Share on other sites
Ocean11 0 Posted November 25, 2003 Share Posted November 25, 2003 How does it make people 'stronger', and how would anybody who hadn't actually been married for several years (say 10) themselves know? Link to post Share on other sites
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