marriage to a japanese (changing your name)

[bobby12 0]

Is anyone here married to a japanese person?

 

We just got back from the honeymoon, and we cant decide what to do about our names. I dont like my surname very much so I'm happy to change it, but it seems weird to take on a new name. I dont want to take on her Japanese surname.

 

We are thinking of moving her surname (Ono) to her middle name, so that she can still use it (Ono) in Japan as if its her surname (and so to avoid any racism from employers and so on).

 

What do you guys do?

[kintaro 0]

Hey bobby12, my wife is Japanese. Her parents asked me to become a Suzuki but I have a pretty rare name and my father would have been heart-broken had I not chosen to perpetuate it (besides, I would look like a pretty freaky Suzuki). What we ended up doing is exactly what you are considering. My wife kept her surname but moved it to her middle name.

 

She does have incedents when her name (my gaijin name) causes her anguish. On the phone she is often asked to give her NAME assuming she gave a business name b/c the idiots on the other end hearing her perfect nihongo assume she's not using her name. She also gets annoyed with people that upon learning her gaijin name leave off the -sama prefex. Something a business would never do to a a Japanese person. But most of the time it's no problem.

 

Where was your honeymoon? Oh, and congrats!

[montoya 0]

We were recently married and have not changed names at all. No real deep reasons behind it, though I can see how it might be an issue for some people.

[kintaro 0]

montoya, you married a Japanese citizen? I didn't think it was legal to not take one or the others name in Japan. chigau?

[montoya 0]

yep, she is a J-citizen. We entered my name in her koseki, but that was about it. Some other friends here have done the same thing.

 

I think the law you mentioned above only applies to Japanese nationals marrying each other.

[indosnm 0]

Bobby,

 

My wife is Japanese and she changed her name to mine. It what women are supposed to do right?

She didn't really have to do it, but she chose to as it makes it easier when you have kids. ( I think joint names are a bit much!)

I know a few people who have kept their names as is and just use which ever they want when it suits them ( though legal things such as drivers licences etc are impossible to do that)

[Goemon 0]

Montoya: What do you plan to do when/if you have children? Whose name will they take?

 

Just curious because my wife and I are in the same situation as you described.

[Goemon 0]

btw, congrats to bobby12 and mrs.Ono-12!

[sakebomb 0]

Congrats, bobby12. We haven't had any problems adopting my family name. As Kintaro mentioned occasionally you get the- Is that a business name? idiot!

[wakaran 1]

She is still what she used to be. I am what I used to be. I see no need to change names, seems like a fairly pointless thing to me.

 

Omedeto.

 

PS We don't plan to have kids so that issue doesn't arise.

[Ocean11 0]

 Quote:

Originally posted by Indosnm:
My wife is Japanese and she changed her name to mine. It what women are supposed to do right?

Damn right! That's what real men's wives do.

[scouser 4]

They've got to be good at cooking and cleaning as well.

 

Ocean11, where are you 'from' these days? Still Shikoku?

[Ocean11 0]

I'm still from Shikoku - where we don't take no uppitiness from womens.

[Ocean11 0]

Seems to me you have a simple choice about names.

 

You can either do what men have generally done which is 'impose' your name on your wife, or you can accept her name. This has traditionally been necessary to prevent the problem of one's great-grand children having unwieldy surnames (as Goemon rightly points out - backward and reactionary that he is).

 

It seems laughably hypocritical to be New Man, accepting & sensitive, while making all sorts of excuses that end up with your name, er, not being changed at all.

 

Also if you're bothered about your wife having to deal with the reality of being married to a foreigner, perhaps you shouldn't have married her.

[rach 1]

Or the other choice - keep your own names.

[Ocean11 0]

In which case my son's daughter would introduce herself as Emiry Walters-Shaw Walters-Shaw-Takeuchi-Yamanaka.

 

You have to face up to the issue of extinction of names at some point. It helps to be honest about how you do it.

 

Janken might work...

[indosnm 0]

 Quote:

Originally posted by Ocean11:
In which case my son's daughter would introduce herself as Emiry Walters-Shaw Walters-Shaw-Takeuchi-Yamanaka.

You have to face up to the issue of extinction of names at some point. It helps to be honest about how you do it.

Janken might work...

Janken settles everything. Poor man if you lose!

[Yuki's Passion 1]

If I ever get married I would like my wife to take my name.

 

Gaijins with Japanese names sound funnier than Japanese with foreign names.

 

What do yall think about that?

[echineko 1]

I know a guy called Christopher Takahashi. Somehow seem little strange

[Yuki's Passion 1]

what about David Aldiwinkle or Arudou Debito - the bloke who sued Otaru Onsen a few years ago. He gave up his American Citizenship to become a Japanese citizen.

 

www.debito.org

[gamera 0]

Congratulation Bobby12!

Hope everything goes good with you

 

有道　出人？

Not sure those are correct kanjis for him or not.

Maybe it feels a bit different if I had a foreign name, but perpahs will be used to it later if it's my choice.

 

Gamera Leicester

Gamera Puccini

Gamera Kowalski

 

A bit hard for me to think about 'middle name' coz we Japanese don't have it.

[Yuki's Passion 1]

Gamera, I know, the kanji are kinda odd for him but those are what he chose apparently.

 

I chose: 翔音 although its kinda off from my name. My bros name is Ryan 雷音 and I have a J-mate whos name is 雷音.

[gamera 0]

Ah, Yama I think you misunderstood some.

I meant I was not sure 有道　出人 were correct kanjis he chose or not. Never meant they were odd for him. I have read his issue about Otaru onsen thing probably when he brought it up.

 

I think 社運 is better in pronounciation for you, Yama! Though 翔音 is much cooler in meanings. Maybe 礼庵　for your brother if I don't need to think about the meanings. 雷音 just sounds like Raion(Lion).

[bobby12 0]

I think I will probably keep my own surname and my wife can take my surname and move her japanese surname to her middle name. That way she can sometimes pretend Ono is her surname and avoid her CV being thrown away by racist employers and so on. Perhaps we ought to 'take a stand' for gaijin rights or something and not do that, but I think we are gonna take the practical rather than idealist route.

 

Ocean11 I completely disagree with your: 'Also if you're bothered about your wife having to deal with the reality of being married to a foreigner, perhaps you shouldn't have married her.' - You mean I should let racist japanese people stop me from marrying the person I love?

[nzlegend 1]

 Quote:

Originally posted by Kintaro:
Hey . Her parents asked me to become a Suzuki but I have a pretty rare name and my father would have been heart-broken had I not chosen to perpetuate it

My wife was a Suzuki too! the Japanese Smith! and I too have a very rare name, there are about 30 people in the whole of NZ with the same name - they are all related.
My great uncle would have shot me if I had changed my name (VERY proud man), which until now I had never even contemplated, I didnt know guys took their wifes name, that news to me.
I am kind of lucky with my both my names - they work almost perfectly in Katakana, my family name I had to fudge it a bit though. The Anglicised version I am known by back home is a freakin nightmare in katakana, a machine gun stutter of 7 katakana syllables but pronounced in French is a nice smooth 3 syllable purr, gotta love the Frenchies and their sexy language.
My wife took my name on her own volition - I think she wanted to change and be different, she completely renounced the Suzuki even as a middle name, less hassle- even now she is almost certainly the only person in Japan with her name, in fact the only person in the whole world.
Our son has no middle name, he doesnt need one he has a unique enough name without one and they are bloody hassle in this country, I wish I didnt have one at times in Japan.
We got a fancy pants Hanko made - it looks like Kanji to me, but they assure me its my family name. My wife also made a new hanko for herself and registerd it that is just of her first name - she is like a Brazilain soccer player with just the one name, its saves her a lot of hassles with here bank accounts and insurance.

as an aside I have friend whose name is Mizoguchi - "Sewer/drain mouth". She cant wait to get married and shed her unfortunate name!