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England v Uruguay (20:00 BST)

 

"All eyes will be on whether Uruguay risk Luis Suarez, who coach Oscar Tabarez admitted yesterday was not fully fit.

"Inevitably, England captain Steven Gerrard was asked about his Liverpool team-mate at regular intervals at last night's press conference.

"He admitted Suarez was 'a genius' - but also that he had absolutely no intention of having any contact with the striker before the game out of respect for his England team-mates.

"Instead, he revealed he would be finalising his planning for the game by studying his tablet computer in his hotel room."

 

......Still trying to work out how to 'defrag' his hard drive.

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Honda scores for Japan.   We should Accord him some praise for the goal.   Maybe give him a Civic reception when he gets home.   He seems to be in his Element at the world cup.   Obviously wea

I wrote this just now:   The Metatarsal Scare   The beginning of an England World Cup campaign is traditionally heralded by a metatarsal scare. For Brazil 2014, Roy Hodgson found himself sweating

"The best world cup since...!!!" said pretty much everyone.

 

watching the build up on motd... alan hansen true to form:

 

"that sums up the tournament. No one can defend."

 

I just realised his scar looks like the symbol of Tao.

 

Do not glorify the achievers

So the people will not squabble

Do not treasure goods that are hard to obtain

So the people will not become thieves

Do not show the desired things

So their hearts will not be confused

 

suddenly i understand the Tao. I also understand Hansen.

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England showing the value of the big hoof up the middle for the second World Cup running!

 

Top rated comments on the Daily Mail, possibly in association with UKIP and the BNP, are

 

"Crap as usual"

 

"I wish the players would sing the Anthem with more passion"

 

"World Cup football !!!! Boring .. These men are millionaires with no country pride .. Yawwwwwwn"

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Can I just protest at the naughty way in which people are not talking about the FIFA World Cup correctly.

 

It's the "FIFA World Cup", not just "World Cup".

 

You might even need a copyright circle-y mark in there as well.

 

Everyone's incentitvety to FIFA have insulted... well, FIFA; and are surely a disgrace to your children's indigious ancestry and the children of Mr Bladder.

 

Everyone who fails to mention FIFA need to be is censed and apologise issue.

 

:grandpa:

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"World Cup football !!!! Boring .. These men are millionaires with no country pride .. Yawwwwwwn"

 

They should give back some of their millions!!

 

:grandpa:

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That Japan/Greece game was like 3 hours of foreplay on the sofa with my girlfriend when I was 14..... Forget "Blue Samurai"...... "Blue Balls" is more like it. Christ, somebody finish please.

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Hodgson's a nice bloke but he has to go...

 

Have we confirmed if he is kind to small animals?

Anyway, even if he isn't, if he's a nice bloke they really should give him more time, surely.

 

:thumbsup:

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ENGLAND can qualify for the second round of the World Cup if the remaining group games are played in a 12-dimensional universe.

 

Forced to wait to find out their hopes are ashes

Land of hope and maths

 

Theoretical mathematicians at Cambridge University found that that England can progress if x = y-2z in a universe where England have already beaten Italy and the Costa Rican bus got lost on the way to Brazil.

 

Professor Julian Cook said: “That universe needs to have at least 12 dimensions because in all the possible outcomes in all the possible universes Steven Gerrard will still find a way to help the other team score.

 

“It’s called the Gerrard Constant and it’s a pain in the arse. What, just because I do maths for a living means I can’t be a football fan? That’s what’s wrong with this country.”

 

Professor Cook added: “Obviously Italy could beat Costa Rica and Uruguay and then England could hammer Costa Rica, but we’re going to go with the 12 dimensional universe – and some very impressive maths, even if I do say so myself.”

 

England manager Roy Hodgson has promised that the current squad could create a new ‘golden ratio’ of disappointment, making the failure achieved by Lampard, Gerrard and the Coles look like a nursery school abacus.

 

Hodgson, himself a keen amateur mathematician, said: “The training regime will continue to be tackles that are 40 percent of what they should be and shots and passes that are wilfully approximate.”

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ENGLAND captain Steven Gerrard last night walked into the Amazon jungle on his own.

 

The midfielder, whose errors over the last few months have cost Liverpool the title and England the World Cup, disappeared into the darkness of the rainforest without a backwards look.

 

Teammate Daniel Sturridge said: “Stevie’s been talking a lot about the South American tradition of the Jaguar King, in which the previous leader is sacrificed at the end of his period of rule.

 

“He’s also saying that perhaps he would concede fewer tackles if he was entwined in snakes.”

 

Gerrard is expected to return before Tuesday’s game against Costa Rica, completely naked and painted in the garish colours of the green-winged macaw.

 

During his absence he will be replaced by his consort Alex Curran, who has already attracted worshippers because of her eternally golden skin.

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