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Wife texts husband on a cold winter’s morning: “Windows frozen, won’t open.” Husband texts back: “ Pour lukewarm water around the edges. ” Wife texts back 5 minutes later: “Whole computer screwed u

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING,"SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT FREAKIN' OLD."   WELL, YOU'LL LOVE THIS ONE: MY NAME IS SALLY, AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING R

Debra

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A lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting next to each other on a long flight.

 

The lawyer is thinking that seniors are so dumb that he could get one over on them easily.

 

So, the lawyer asks if the senior would like to play a fun game.

 

The senior is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks

 

The lawyer persists, saying that the game is a lot of fun..."I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5.00.

Then you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00," he says.

 

This catches the senior's attention and, to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.

 

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the Earth to the Moon?"

 

The senior doesn't say a word, but reaches into his pocket, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

 

Now, it's the senior's turn. He asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"

 

The lawyer uses his laptop to search all references he can find on the Net.

 

He sends E-mails to all the smart friends he knows; all to no avail. After an hour of searching, he finally gives up.

 

He wakes the senior and hands him $500.00. The senior pockets the $500.00 and goes right back to sleep.

 

The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes the senior up and asks, "Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?"

 

The senior reaches into his pocket, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.

 

You know you're going to send this one on.

 

Don't ever mess with old people!

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Longevity

 

 

The National Institutes of Health has just released the results of a $200 million research study completed under a grant to Johns Hopkins. The new study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

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Bill and his wife Blanche go to the state fair every year,

 

And every year Bill would say,

 

" Blanche, I'd like to ride in that helicopter "

 

Blanche always replied,

 

" I know Bill, but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks,

 

And fifty bucks is fifty bucks! "

 

One year Bill and Blanche went to the fair, and Bill said,

 

" Blanche, I'm 85 years old.

 

If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance "

 

To this, Blanche replied,

 

" Bill that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks"

 

The pilot overheard the couple and said,

 

" Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny!

 

But if you say one word it's fifty dollars. "

 

Bill and Blanche agreed and up they went.

 

The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard.

 

He did his daredevil tricks over and over again,

 

But still not a word...

 

When they landed, the pilot turned to Bill and said,

 

" By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't.

 

I'm impressed! "

 

Bill replied,

 

 

" Well, to tell you the truth

 

I almost said something when Blanche fell out,

 

But you know,

 

Fifty bucks is fifty bucks! "

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