hellyer 216 Posted May 21, 2014 Author Share Posted May 21, 2014 Air Show Disaster - AIRCRAFT HITS FOUR BUILDINGS This is tough to see. It just shows the dangers of attending these events. Amazing photo below shows great detail. The pilot at low level had no control over his aircraft. It narrowly misses a crowd gathered for the air show and slams into four buildings. One can only imagine the horror of the occupants inside those buildings. No one was killed, but it probably scared the shit out of them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popular Post hellyer 216 Posted May 21, 2014 Author Popular Post Share Posted May 21, 2014 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Popular Post hellyer 216 Posted May 22, 2014 Author Popular Post Share Posted May 22, 2014 A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank." Passenger: 'Who?' Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time." Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody." Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy." Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special." Cabbie: "There's more... He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right." Passenger: "Wow, some guy then." Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate,shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman" Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?" Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Frank, he died. I married his f----- widow. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
hellyer 216 Posted May 23, 2014 Author Share Posted May 23, 2014 Quite a guy that Frank Link to post Share on other sites
hellyer 216 Posted May 23, 2014 Author Share Posted May 23, 2014 A guy walks into a bar with a monkey. The monkey grabbed some olives off the bar and ate them. Then he grabbed some sliced limes and ate them. He then jumped onto the pool table and grabbed one of the balls. To everyone's amazement, he stuck it in his mouth and somehow swallowed it whole. The bartender looked at the guy and said, "Did you see what your monkey just did?" "No, what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table...whole!" "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy, "he eats everything in sight, don't worry, I'll pay for the cue ball." The guy finished his drink, paid his bill, paid for the stuff the monkey ate and left. Two weeks later the guy came back and had his monkey with him. He ordered a drink and the monkey started running around the bar. The monkey found a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabbed it, stuck it up his butt, pulled it out and then ate it. Then the monkey found a peanut and, again, stuck it up his butt, pulled it out and ate it. The bartender asked, "Did you see what your monkey just did?" "No, what?" replied the man. "Well, he stuck both a maraschino cherry and a peanut up his butt, pulled them out, and ate them!" "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. "He'll eat anything, but ever since he had to shit out that cue ball, he measures everything first!" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popular Post hellyer 216 Posted May 23, 2014 Author Popular Post Share Posted May 23, 2014 2 Link to post Share on other sites
hellyer 216 Posted May 23, 2014 Author Share Posted May 23, 2014 Metal detector 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hellyer 216 Posted May 23, 2014 Author Share Posted May 23, 2014 I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE LIFESAVER MINTS HAVE A HOLE IN THE MIDDLE BECAUSE IF IT GETS CAUGHT IN YOUR THROAT YOU CAN STILL BREATHE. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hellyer 216 Posted May 23, 2014 Author Share Posted May 23, 2014 Brutus - at it again 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popular Post hellyer 216 Posted May 23, 2014 Author Popular Post Share Posted May 23, 2014 2 Link to post Share on other sites
hellyer 216 Posted June 21, 2014 Author Share Posted June 21, 2014 A belated Friday Funny...........................or an early Tuesday Titter. Either way it is very romantic Link to post Share on other sites
hellyer 216 Posted September 12, 2014 Author Share Posted September 12, 2014 When I was young I decided to go to Medical School. At the entrance exam we were asked to rearrange the letters PNEIS and form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect. Those who answered spine are doctors today while the rest of us are sending jokes via email. Link to post Share on other sites
hellyer 216 Posted September 12, 2014 Author Share Posted September 12, 2014 Senior trying to set a password: WINDOWS: Please enter your new password. USER: cabbage WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters. USER: boiled cabbage WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character. USER: 1 boiled cabbage WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces. USER: 50bloodyboiledcabbages WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character. USER: 50BLOODYboiledcabbages WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively. USER:50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAssIfYouDon'tGiveMeAccessNow! WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation. USER:ReallyPissedOff50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAssIfYouDontGiveMeAccessNow WINDOWS: Sorry, that password is already in use. Link to post Share on other sites
hellyer 216 Posted September 12, 2014 Author Share Posted September 12, 2014 Gynecologist's Assistant A retired TWA pilot, trying to find something interesting to occupy his time, went into the Job Center in downtown Denver, and saw a card advertising for a Gynecologist's Assistant. Interested, he went in and asked the clerk for details. The clerk pulled up the file and read; "The job entails getting the ladies ready for the gynecologist. You have to help the women out of their underwear, lay them down and carefully wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam and gently shave off the hair, then rub in soothing oils so they're ready for the gynecologist's examination. The annual salary is $85,000 a year, and you'll have to go to Billings, Montana. That's about 550 miles from here." "Good grief, is that where the job is?" "No sir. That's where the end of the line is right now. Link to post Share on other sites
hellyer 216 Posted September 18, 2014 Author Share Posted September 18, 2014 Skinny little white Irishman gets into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little Irishman staring at him... He looks down at the Irishman and says: "7 ft tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 6 pounds of testicles, Turner Brown" The little white Irishman faints dead away and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him...... The big guy says, "What's wrong with you?" In a weak voice the little guy says, "What EXACTLY did you just say to me?" The big dude says, "Well, I saw your curious look and I figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me. I'm 7 ft tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch penis, my testicles weigh 3 pounds each....and my name is Turner Brown" The little white Irishman says: "Turner Brown?!.... Sweet Jesus.........I thought you said, "Turn around!" Link to post Share on other sites
hellyer 216 Posted September 25, 2014 Author Share Posted September 25, 2014 Love this, particularly the Pro-nun- see- asions And all true……………..apart from the last 4 of course Eight Words 1 . THINGY (thing-ee) n. Female....... Any part under a car's hood. Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra. 2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj. Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another. Male..... Playing cricket without a box. 3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n. Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner. Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys. 4. COMMITMENT (ko- mit-ment) n. Female...... A desire to get married and raise a family. Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one. 5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n. Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book. Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer. 6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n. Female... An embarrassing by-product of indigestion. Male..... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding. 7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n. Female....... The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve. Male..... Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it. 8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n. Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another. Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes. AND He said....I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it. She said.... You wear pants don't you? He said..... Shall we try swapping positions tonight? She said... That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart! He said..... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you? She said .....Turn sideways and look in the mirror! He said..... Why are married women heavier than single women? She said..... Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge. Link to post Share on other sites
Slippery Jim 65 Posted September 26, 2014 Share Posted September 26, 2014 He said..... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you? She said .....Turn sideways and look in the mirror! :rollabout: 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Big Al 16 Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 Not Friday yet but...... Peter went to the Doctor and was told that as the Doctor was busy the Nurse would see him. If she couldn't help he would have to wait longer for the Doc. Peter looked very embarrassed but went into the consulting room with the nurse. N: "So how can I help you?" P: "It's really very embarrassing, maybe I should wait to see the Doctor?" N: "Well I can assure you that I am a very well qualified professional so there is really no need to be embarrassed." P: "Really?" N: "Yes, now what's the problem?" Peter gingerly undid his pants and took off his boxers to reveal the most puny, pathetic excuse for a tiny micro-wang you could ever imagine. The Nurse tried her best to contain herself but felt the oncoming hysterics to be unavoidable. She ran from the room gritting her teeth before sprinting into the hallway and bending double laughing and guffawing like she had never laughed before. After a few minutes she wiped the tears from her face, composed herself and went back into the consulting room. N: "I really am very sorry about that - most unprofessional. Now how can I help you?" P: "It's swollen"..... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
frannyo 2 Posted October 3, 2014 Share Posted October 3, 2014 Can someone cheer me up? Link to post Share on other sites
hellyer 216 Posted October 3, 2014 Author Share Posted October 3, 2014 Link to post Share on other sites
HighlyTrainedNovaTeacher 2 Posted October 3, 2014 Share Posted October 3, 2014 Hot dogs are always nice and healthy. Link to post Share on other sites
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