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2pints-mate

Ippy's Thailand

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You can make people mad jealous on facebook by simply telling porkies.

Don't need to go to trouble.

Simples!

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just imagine the reams of paper that you'll have to go through writing your reports of fave snorkelling beaches, if the internet is down.........if we see a patch of sudden de-forestation in the Thai rainforest, we know that's where Ippy is staying :D

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I just twittered and facebooked what I had for brekkie.

I'm still quite put out that no-one is 'following' me.

:(

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I just twittered and facebooked what I had for brekkie.

I'm still quite put out that no-one is 'following' me.

:(

 

You should have had a pie!

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I just twittered and facebooked what I had for brekkie.

I'm still quite put out that no-one is 'following' me.

:(

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Thanks ippy.

 

Would you be my mate on Facetrunk too. Got no mates there too. I promise to post about all my most mundane things as much as possible!

 

:)

 

Sorry, don't want to de-track your post.

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of course i will pies!

 

As for heat, probably somewhere from 33 to 39 degrees. Im sure friday though direct sun was in the 40s Something ive rarely experienced myself.

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Woohoo! its taken me almost three weeks, but ive finally caught the sun and look like the red lobster my mothers dna dictates im supposed to be! huzzah!

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Picture if you will a poor little fat kid getting his first intercity bus. Its a 5 1/2 hour journey so he brought snacks. He is fat, thats what fat people do. Now picture him walking up to the driver and asking how long before they stop for a break. Now picture the poor kid being told that "the bus doesnt stop for a rest". Fat kid runs to the toilet, but theres a woman cleaning it and much as hed love to squeek it out hes always been traumatised by public pooping. Seriously traumatised by it!

So he runs to the bus and settles in.

 

An hour into the journey he realises theres a toilet! hooray! If the tummy pitches a fit as its been threatening to do all morning, theres a safety valve. Three hours into the journey and of course it happens. Hes white knuckling it, but theres three hours to go... its got to be done. The signals have been sent from the brain, the sphincter is loosening, this is definitely on... only... what the **** is this? First up, why cant i see anything? The light doesnt work... and second up, what the **** is this bucket of water all about? No matter, ill poo, flush, wipe my arse and hopefully get it in the tank before the smell assaults the poor buggers sat near the toilet.

 

Keks get dropped, and jesus christ does it come. Im frantically trying to hit the flush... but nothings happening! im pushing every button i can feel and squeezing every handle. This is going bad. I pull up my pants (unwiped - i mean what the ****?) and try and get some light in by opening the door. Only now i see everyones got their hands to their nose. This isnt going well. I look down and realise the poop has gone. Its empty. Guess theres no flush. Theres also nothing to wipe my arse with, But its too late anyway. Ive opened the door, i could crawl back in there and die alng with whatever was up my ass, but instead im committed. I just have to sheepishly head back to my seat and hope it goes away quick.

 

and now people are actually moving seats down the bottom of the bus to get away.

 

Im mortified.

 

But nowhere near as mortified as i will be when a few minutes later the bus pulls over and the driver and ticket girl now go to the cabin from the outside and clean it.

 

Three hours i got to sit on a bus, with the smell pretty much never leaving and occasionally punctuating the air with an horrendous upswell of afterstink/. Three hours! i couldnt walk away, i had to sit there in utter shame for three hours. About an hour from Trat they pulled into a bus station and gave us five minutes to go to the toilet. Im not sure if it was an act of kindness or scheduled, but at least i got to go to the toilet and...er, ****ing hell. NO toilets have a flush. What the hell am i supposed to do with these things? I still dont know. I wiped my arse (LH technique plus water basin) and just tried to scrae enough dignity to make it through to the end of the bus ride.

 

It came.

 

Im here. Another auspicious start to a period of my life, and another moment i can draw forth to remind me that when times are crap, i could have just stunk up a bus for three hours with vomit inducing kaka and had EVERYONE on that bus staring daggers at me (and having 2 people just trying to do their job having to clean up my shit after them). Thanks god for the lesson in shame and humility. And thanks for another thirty years of anal retention. Youre just pooing! its only natural! whats the worst that could happen? Thanks god! :/

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There should be a little shower head next to the toilet.....u use that to flush the toilet :)

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There should be a little shower head next to the toilet.....u use that to flush the toilet :)

I remember them! But not in the bus station toilets. No no, the bus station toilets have a tap leading into a small foot bath looking thing with a bowl that you probably use to "flush" (or rather, gently encourage) the poo down the drain with. Thats the only way i can figure it out. Needless to say i held the rest in until i got to a proper toilet,

 

Ah wells, tomorrow is cambodia for a visa run. Looking forward to gods little mischief plans for that one.

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what the actual **** is that ****ing noise? Weirdest sound ive ever heard. Its like im in a speeded up brands hatch with tiny cars whizzing past me every 1/2 second. Im assuming its some kind of frog since preliminary investigations reveal nowt out there but its definitely coming from the drains. Its kinda cute, but ****ing noisy. Actually i need some audio of this :)

 

not my clip. but founf the bugger:

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=InzvNXcaHK8

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:lol:

 

Love the story, ippy.

Could almost smell it from here!

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Damn. I love a good shIt story..

 

You should have kept it in the third person though....not that it isn't entertaining as told... :thumbsup:

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