grungy-gonads 54 Posted September 28, 2012 Share Posted September 28, 2012 Olympic drug cheats. Finish last in the event you are taking part in to avoid suspicion from the dope testers. Recreate the excitement of Alfred Hitchcocks's The Birds by walking down Llandudno seafront with an open tray of chips. If your eyes water when chopping onions, try cutting up mushrooms. The tears will disappear, and your dishes will taste completely different too. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted September 28, 2012 Share Posted September 28, 2012 end. not the best collection this time I don't reckon. Link to post Share on other sites
kokodoko 67 Posted September 28, 2012 Share Posted September 28, 2012 nah not up to the usual sterling standard but good nonetheless. I too like a believable plot line. thank you very much. your community service is noted. Link to post Share on other sites
BagOfCrisps 24 Posted September 28, 2012 Share Posted September 28, 2012 The beach volleyball and syncronised swimming ones are good. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted November 1, 2012 Share Posted November 1, 2012 Wonderful news, Top Tips fans. The new Viz has arrived. I'll try to post some soon. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted November 1, 2012 Share Posted November 1, 2012 I can't believe that when the BBC published the reaction to Kate's topless photos, not a single person mentioned the size of her tits. Kate's knockers have turned out to be a bit of a let-down. Lets us just hope that when Pippa's shitter is eventually papped, it lives up to the speculation! I think it was most unpatriotic of Kate Middleton to get them out for the French press. If she was going to expose them to anyone, it should have been to us British. After all, it's us who contribute towards the Civil list. He who pays the piper should see the tits. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted November 1, 2012 Share Posted November 1, 2012 I would like to ask Viz to launch a campaign to back our inalienable rights as taxpayers to see the royal titties. I've helped pay for their upkeep and summer bronzing, so why should the Frenchies get to see them but not me? After searching for them on the internet, I was outraged to see the topless photos of Her Royal Highness, the Duchess of Cambridge. She has what may well be the smallest tits in the royal family. As a tax payer, I believe I am within my rights to demand photos of top quality Royal jugs such as the whoppers adorning the chest of Her Royal Highness, Princess Beatrice. And some shots of Zara Phillips masturbating with a huge cucumber would go some way to restoring the nations faith in the monarchy. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted November 1, 2012 Share Posted November 1, 2012 When the Queen gets to a hundred, does she write a letter to herself, and if so, does she address it to Elizabeth or Your Majesty? If someone can answer this question it would really help my piles, as they've really come down with all the time I've spent sitting on the shitter thinking about it. While passing through London last Sunday I visited a pole-dancing bar at 11 in the morning despite having already just wanked off twice to a sex telephone line in my hotel room. Can any other readers boast a less religious start to the day? Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted November 1, 2012 Share Posted November 1, 2012 I was outraged by a notice on the small ads pages of your magazine informing potential advertisers "To advertise in Viz please call Ryan on 0207 907 6763". Firstly, this is not my telephone number, and secondly, I do not work for you and refuse to take calls on your behalf. Please correct this mistake in future issues. Rob Ryan, Oxford PS And it's Mr Ryan to you Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted November 1, 2012 Share Posted November 1, 2012 I was going to write in and say that I'd once gone out with a girl named Fanny Hare in a poor attempt to win five pounds. I didn't, and I'd like to take this opportunity to apologise to your readers. Why doesn't the Education Ministry make class sizes smaller by reducing the size of the desks. Even better, they could remove the desks altogether and make the kids stand. Not only would this mean that they could build smaller schools but they could also pack more of the little brats in. I think it is great that ex-Sun editor Kelvin MacKenzie has had the big-heartedness to apologise to Liverpool fans only 23 years after the Hillsborough disaster. We can all learn from his deep sense of honour, humanity and humbleness. He should get a knighthood. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted November 1, 2012 Share Posted November 1, 2012 The best day of my childhood was when I found a porno mag in the woods with my mates and we all took a page home. Now kids just put 'arse' in google and there it is. Kids have it so easy these days. I liked the recent teenage lesbian story line in Coronation Street, but I thought they could have included some very graphic lesbian love-making scenes just to make it more realistic for the viewers. I bet people who picked on Jedward at school see them on the television now and kick themselves that they didn't give them a bigger pasting. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted November 1, 2012 Share Posted November 1, 2012 Burp the words 'Excuse me' to save valuable time. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted November 1, 2012 Share Posted November 1, 2012 Tesco. In addition to having new workers wear 'I'm learning' badges, get store managers to sometimes clip them round the ear for added humiliation. Make family photos more fun by getting one of your relatives to wear a red and white striped jumper and bobble hat and hide in amongst the crowd. Dry stone wall enthusiasts. Try putting a bit of mortar between the stones in your wall. That way you won't have to rebuild the sodding thing every six months. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted November 1, 2012 Share Posted November 1, 2012 Tramps. Avoid being moved on by the police by setting up permenant home outside an Apple Store. When asked to move along simply state that you are an Early Adopter queueing for the iPhone 6/7/8 etc. Save money on expensive priority airline boaring by simply breaking your partners foot prior to the flight. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted November 1, 2012 Share Posted November 1, 2012 I have wondered for a long time whether dogs and cats ever wonder why their two-legged owners don't fall over. /end 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pie-eater 207 Posted November 1, 2012 Share Posted November 1, 2012 The Kate ones ae good. Link to post Share on other sites
hellyer 216 Posted November 1, 2012 Share Posted November 1, 2012 All good GG but love the last one - made me laugh out loud................then I fell over Link to post Share on other sites
kokodoko 67 Posted November 3, 2012 Share Posted November 3, 2012 thanks GG. top tips, them. Link to post Share on other sites
7-11 2 Posted November 4, 2012 Share Posted November 4, 2012 Very useful thread for sure. Link to post Share on other sites
@tokyo 14 Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 I live by it. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted December 6, 2012 Share Posted December 6, 2012 Good news Top Tips fans! The new Viz arrived today. Will add some new ones soon. Link to post Share on other sites
kokodoko 67 Posted December 6, 2012 Share Posted December 6, 2012 on tenterhooks... Link to post Share on other sites
Alexander L 80 Posted December 7, 2012 Share Posted December 7, 2012 and high heels. Link to post Share on other sites
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