BagOfCrisps 24 Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 Originally Posted By: grungy-gonads Fall of the Allardyce West Ham United have issued an apology to Sam Allardyce after the former manager was sacked SEVEN times by the club in 6 months - despite never having been employed by them. The former Blackburn Rovers manager was enjoying a relaxing break between sackings when he first received a letter from Board of Directors at West Ham, thanking him for his efforts at the club and dispensing with his services. The former Newcastle United chief assumed it was merely a clerical error and thought nothing of it, but over the following months several more letters arrived, all terminating his contract at Upton Park. A spokesman for the London based club blamed the letters to the sometime Bolton Wanderers manager on an administrative slip during a staff training exercise. "Sacking Sam Allardyce is something that every football club must be prepared for. It is part of West Ham's disaster management strategy. We routinely run through his imaginary dismissal once a month, so that when we eventually come to do it for real it won't be a problem". However the exercises are so realistic that administrative staff at the club never know whether they are sacking the former Notts County manager for real or not. As a result, one-time manager of Limerick FC Allardyce continually receives dismissal letters from the West Ham board. The letters are usually followed up by a phone call telling the erstwhile West Brom assistant that his sacking was just an exercise and not to be alarmed. But the constant practice dismissals are taking their toll on the ex-Blackpool chief. "It's terrible", said former Preston North End caretaker manager Allardyce. "I can't plan anything or take holidays because I am in constant fear of the sack from West Ham, even though I am not currently employed" But despite the mistake, the West Ham directors defended their stance. A spokesman told reporters "We make no apologies for our actions in repeatedly sacking Sam Allardyce every month". "If it inconveniences one ex-manager, then it's a small price to pay for making sure the correct processes are followed in the event that Sam Allardyce is employed and then very likely dismissed by our club a few months later", he added. Link to post Share on other sites
BagOfCrisps 24 Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 Originally Posted By: grungy-gonads Facebook isn't working today so I was wondering if you could let me use your letterbocks page to tell my 213 friends that "Cheese on toast with brown sauce rules - LOL". Thank's in advance, it's important that they know these things. I wonder if any readers can settle an argument. I reckon the word "unlimited" means unlimited. However, my mate Sir Richard Branson, reckons that when used in sentences like "Virgin Mobile gives you unlimited internet access", it means 1GB and not a KB more. Who is correct? Good ones. Link to post Share on other sites
kokodoko 67 Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 thanks gonads. always helpful, them tips. Link to post Share on other sites
muikabochi 208 Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 I live my life by them. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 I'm glad they help. Link to post Share on other sites
kokodoko 67 Posted March 12, 2011 Share Posted March 12, 2011 i am going to apply for a job as a premier league football manager. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted March 12, 2011 Share Posted March 12, 2011 Earthquakes: **** off. Link to post Share on other sites
kokodoko 67 Posted March 12, 2011 Share Posted March 12, 2011 yeah, like, derr.. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted March 12, 2011 Share Posted March 12, 2011 But they obviously don't listen! Link to post Share on other sites
JA2340 16 Posted March 12, 2011 Share Posted March 12, 2011 Originally Posted By: grungy-gonads I wonder if any readers can settle an argument. I reckon the word "unlimited" means unlimited. However, my mate Sir Richard Branson, reckons that when used in sentences like "Virgin Mobile gives you unlimited internet access", it means 1GB and not a KB more. Who is correct? "Unlimited access" is different to "unlimited downloads", is that not clear enough? You can access the internet at any time but there is a limit to the amount of data you can down (and/or up)-load. I'm afraid Sir Dick B is correct! Link to post Share on other sites
BagOfCrisps 24 Posted March 12, 2011 Share Posted March 12, 2011 No, it's not clear at all. If you say unlimited, most people will think it means just that - and rightly so. It is at best intent on misleading. "You can access the internet at any time but there is a limit to the amount of data you can down (and/or up)-load." That's not right because after a point you cannot access the internet. Without paying more. Link to post Share on other sites
LordSalt 0 Posted March 13, 2011 Share Posted March 13, 2011 Thanks for the laughs Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 Good news folks. The "missing" issue of Viz has turned up. So give me a bit of time and I'll post more Top Tips, For Your Health Lifestyle (and ME). Link to post Share on other sites
kokodoko 67 Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 I await with breath baited. Link to post Share on other sites
pie-eater 207 Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 Do you have any Top Tips for the Fukushima dudes and there newclear reacktor? Sounds like they could do with some. Link to post Share on other sites
kokodoko 67 Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 When building a nuclear reactor, make sure that it is high above the waves to avoid salt spray corroding the metal bits. Link to post Share on other sites
Ezorisu 0 Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 When building a backup cooling system for your nuclear reactor, don't forget to include a backup for the backup. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted March 19, 2011 Share Posted March 19, 2011 You know that Mikado advert where that Japanese bird squats on the photocopier? Has anyone seen the copies yet? If you've got them, can you pass one of them on? Ta Click to reveal.. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted March 19, 2011 Share Posted March 19, 2011 I work in a theme park on the rides. Could I ask that all female visitors ensure they wear loose fitting tops so their jugs fall out? It makes for excellent viewing on dull days. I feel sorry for the poor drummer out of Chas n Dave. He drums his little heart out and he never even gets a mention. "There's no place like home", they say. Unless of course you own a second home. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted March 19, 2011 Share Posted March 19, 2011 I recently read on Wikipedia the otehr day that lumpy-faced Victorian The Elephant Man had to have his corpse formally identified by his uncle. Can any other readers think of a bigger beaurocratic waste of time? According to the public information film, in the event of a car crash, an unrestrained rear-seat passenger moves forward with the force of an elephant. This is particularly worrying for me as I regularly drive a circus van with an elephant in the back who refuses to put his seat belt on. How hard is HE going to clout me in the back of the head if I have a prang? If women could grow beards would they be more inclined to embark on Arctic, Antarctic and Everest type expeditions, do you think? You never see many of them doing this type of thing. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted March 19, 2011 Share Posted March 19, 2011 I was looking at a picture of Jesus today when I noticed the weirdest thing - there appeared to be the image of a piece of toast in it. Link to post Share on other sites
BagOfCrisps 24 Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 Originally Posted By: grungy-gonads You know that Mikado advert where that Japanese bird squats on the photocopier? Has anyone seen the copies yet? If you've got them, can you pass one of them on? Ta Click to reveal.. Link to post Share on other sites
brit-gob 9 Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 Originally Posted By: grungy-gonads I was looking at a picture of Jesus today when I noticed the weirdest thing - there appeared to be the image of a piece of toast in it. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted April 9, 2011 Share Posted April 9, 2011 Underaged drinkers. Smoking causes ageing of the skin. Start smoking heavily at 12 and by the time you are 16 you'll look 40. Convince others you're full of great ideas by sellotaping a light bulb to the top of your head. Ryanair cabin crew. Don't be tempted to follow your BA peers into striking as no one will notice the **** difference. Pretend to grow your own vegetables by buying some at the supermarket, burying them in the garden and digging them up again. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts