HelperElfMissy 42 Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 A childhood friend of mine had to go identify her nephew last night ... 21yrs old, suicide. How does it get that bad? She said that none of the family saw it coming. I know people who have been treated for depression, and I have had down days myself - especially in those teen years - but to seriously contemplate or actually committ suicide just makes my mind boggle. Having had a near miss with my health recently I have to say I have a renewed respect for each and every day - and am keenly aware that this is not a dress rehearsal, but the real deal - one chance only. To be so down as to want to end it - WOW! I am sure his family are playing the "If Only.." game right now - but they saw no warning signs ... Pretty scary for parents when teen boys (up to about 25 yrs old) are in a very high risk catagory. Why is that? Link to post Share on other sites
bobby12 0 Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 It's hard to accept/carry the burden of being an adult. It takes time, and indeed some people go their whole life without ever accepting or carrying that burden. I guess the more spoiled you are as a child, the harder that step is to take. Link to post Share on other sites
Go Native 70 Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 Well one thing is that you can only see warning signs if you know what you're looking for. I used to evaluate the potential risk of self harm of prisoners and there usually are signs but the signs are often just the same as for depressed people who have no inclination to actually commit suicide. If you are worried at all about the potential of your own kids to go that far MB just talk to them about it. I never ceased to be amazed at how honest with me most new prisoners were about what risk they posed to themselves. About the only thing I found prisoners were honest about. Be direct in your questions like 'have you ever harmed or thought about harming yourself?'. Very few people commit suicide with no history at all of some sort of previous self harm. Most will have thought about it extensively before committing the act. Men especially will have a well thought out plan. People who have thought about how to kill themselves, actually planned how they would do it and have the means to do it are much more likely to actually go through with it at some later stage. So if an answer is 'yes I've thought about harming myself' you want to ask what they thought about doing and how they would do it. One of the hardest things often for families is that when someone has actually finally decided to go through with suicide there will often be a period where they appear very happy. The decision once seriously made is like a weight has been lifted off their shoulders. Finally they have made a decision that they have full control over when everything else in their lives has been out of control. Anyway always a horrible thing and I did see my fair share of suicides whilst working in the prison system. And of course it's impossible for the family not to feel some guilt or responsibility. They will certainly need friends MB. Link to post Share on other sites
HelperElfMissy 42 Posted August 6, 2009 Author Share Posted August 6, 2009 Lots of insight there GN. I am not really concerned about my own kids at this point in time as we communicate really well, and they live with me...if they lived alone and we did not talk one day to the next that might be of concern to me. I was just taken aback about 'no warning signs'...I would have assumed there would have been SOME. I did not know that they tend to get happy after deciding to go through with it - that is really interesting. And would be quite disconcerting for parents thinking they had made some headway with thier kids moods. This kids parents lived interstate, he was a loner and a gamer, and had recently lost his job. Perhaps had he had someone living with him the signs would have been evident. I dont know his parents, but my school friends and I will be there for my friend - his Aunt. We will all be making sure she is travelling OK, and has company at the low times. Link to post Share on other sites
IIIII 2 Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 Quote: I used to evaluate the potential risk of self harm of prisoners Interesting what were you actually doing Go Native, jobwise? Link to post Share on other sites
cal 6 Posted August 11, 2009 Share Posted August 11, 2009 Originally Posted By: Mamabear A childhood friend of mine had to go identify her nephew last night ... 21yrs old, suicide. How does it get that bad? She said that none of the family saw it coming. I know people who have been treated for depression, and I have had down days myself - especially in those teen years - but to seriously contemplate or actually committ suicide just makes my mind boggle. Having had a near miss with my health recently I have to say I have a renewed respect for each and every day - and am keenly aware that this is not a dress rehearsal, but the real deal - one chance only. To be so down as to want to end it - WOW! I am sure his family are playing the "If Only.." game right now - but they saw no warning signs ... Pretty scary for parents when teen boys (up to about 25 yrs old) are in a very high risk catagory. Why is that? Sorry to hear that, Mamabear. Scary stuff with suicide. I know of quite a few people here who have decided to go that way. Even with the official numbers, it is probably much more... lots of the time it seems to be hushed up. How did that go with yuor little scare there. Link to post Share on other sites
RobBright 35 Posted August 11, 2009 Share Posted August 11, 2009 Crikey - where to start. Having first hand experience of depression from a family member, and also having found out that it is also a hereditary condition as led to me reading about it in depth and having regular check ups as well just in case any of the warning signs are missed. Depression, at its very basic, is caused by several chemicals in the brain being imbalance. And as everyone well knows, there are many different types and stages of depression. Seeing people that once enjoyed social situations and events, slowly changing into someone who feels empty or can't handle them is a very painful thing to watch. And when you are in your teenage years, depression is even harder to diagnose due to the amount of hormones, swinging your body between various moods and phases, that most doctors simply can't say "depressed". Having been on the receiving end of that, it was embarrassing to watch doctors try to diagnose it. The family member did admit they thought about suicide when someone was born they didn't feel anything towards them - no love, no excitement, just numbness and then went off and drank a few bottles of "white lightning" that night (if you know what that is, you know how dangerous it is). It's only when he came around in hospital, being scolded by a doctor with the family watching that the thoughts subsided. Doubt they will ever go away, but now the person is on god knows how much medication a day to keep the chemicals in balance, think its about 10 in the the morning and about 6 in the evening. Guess that person was the lucky one really. Link to post Share on other sites
HelperElfMissy 42 Posted August 11, 2009 Author Share Posted August 11, 2009 Originally Posted By: cal How did that go with yuor little scare there. All good cal. I was unwell [seems from a camplobacter infection from affected chicken - assumptions made in hindsight as my son had this diagnosed] ... led to what seemed like symptoms of gall stones and an ultrasound to confirm. Ultrasound showed my gall bladder in tip top shape, no stones at all ... but discovered a signifigant tumor in my liver. Led to rushed CT scans with that horrid contrast dye that makes you feel flushed and want to puke. Then the waiting game... So for 4 days I had no idea if there were more 'hotspots' than just the liver tumor, or what type of tumor was in my liver. This was the scare part. I am still having follow up tests and all, but it seems that the culprit is just a benign mass of blood vessels and it was a coincidental finding - the illness/pain had nothing to do with the liver issues. Hallelujah! But on reflection I realised that I never once worried about work in that time. I worried that I was not fit and strong enough to fight a big battle for life, and I worried that I wouldnt be here to finish raising my kids. That was it. I realised that I was at peace with the job I had done on the 3 oldest [i knew they would be OK], but was desperately upset about the possibility of leaving the little one [not done yet!!] So I had a think.... Then I quit my job! I am doing things that I want to do, and spending less time stressing about juggling work and family and more time getting fit, and being there for my kids. I have always been a glass half full kind of person, but suddenly I had a new appreciation of each and every day. Pretty big gift I got out of those worriesome weeks Link to post Share on other sites
HelperElfMissy 42 Posted August 11, 2009 Author Share Posted August 11, 2009 Rob, Clinical depression is a horrid thing. My in laws are both on much medication. The mother-in-law is bipolar, and she often over the years would yoyo on and off meds. "I am feeling good now - dont need the drugs that make me feel same-same-same-same-same" .... so go off them and get manic [yay this is fun], and then depressed. Each time the peaks of highs and lows got worse and worse. She now realises that she just needs to stay on her meds all the time, and that a healthy diet and a healthy attitude are vital. She leads support groups for others nowdays - and she knows what she is talking about because she has been there. Knowing the genetic history of clinical depression is in the family makes me even more wary. But at least you can fight the enemy you know - it is when it sneaks up on you unrecognised that by the time you realise what is going on...it is too late. Link to post Share on other sites
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