Yuki's Passion 1 Posted October 1, 2008 Author Share Posted October 1, 2008 STEB, reread my above post. I answered that question. Yes, its typical to have a 連絡網 (tel directory) for HR teacher and students in class in case of emergencies. Link to post Share on other sites
Sam The Eagle's Brother 0 Posted October 1, 2008 Share Posted October 1, 2008 Sorry I missed that. Totally think it's a terrible idea but.. Link to post Share on other sites
HelperElfMissy 42 Posted October 1, 2008 Share Posted October 1, 2008 hmm...it is certainly not the norm here that teachers have thier personal numbers known. Although I do know that a few of our class teachers have given out thier mobile numbers to parents at times - usually to the class rep who might need to run something by them before putting a notice out. And I would bank that 90% of them would answer thier school email within an hour or so even on the weekend. But my kids go to a school where teachers routinely work more than thier 9-5, and donate thier time on school holidays regularly. My suggestion re the phone: Use your answering machine/message bank so you have a recording of his contact with you, consider whether it is necessary to call him back right then and there, and perhaps wait until you are in school with someone else in the room as a witness when you call. Tread carefully. CB it sounds like you are a dedicated and passionate HR teacher, and that you deserve to be in that position by right of hard work and committment. But you don't need to wear the emotional baggage that will come from this family as they self destruct and you get slammed with the fall out!! It feels great to counsel someone and see change for the good happen. Ya feel totally p1ssed when you have put all that work in for no net result. But you do NOT WANT to know what it feels like when you put all that time and effort into a family in crisis and it goes bad. It is not nice, and it is why I am not in social work any more. Make sure this is a team thing - for YOUR sake. Link to post Share on other sites
Yuki's Passion 1 Posted October 1, 2008 Author Share Posted October 1, 2008 Originally Posted By: Sam The Eagle's Brother Sorry I missed that. Totally think it's a terrible idea but.. terrible idea? how do you figure? Link to post Share on other sites
Sam The Eagle's Brother 0 Posted October 1, 2008 Share Posted October 1, 2008 I don't think it is a good idea for parents of students to have the private telephone numbers of school teachers. More 'why is it a good idea'? I don't think school teachers responsibilities should go that far. Do we have the private numbers of company employees, or the mayor, or the police, or the firemen? Link to post Share on other sites
Fattwins 0 Posted October 1, 2008 Share Posted October 1, 2008 This is Japan not another country. Every teacher I have ever known here has to give out their contact numbers to the kids. cb if you want to chat you know my digits. Link to post Share on other sites
snowdude 44 Posted October 1, 2008 Share Posted October 1, 2008 That is a tough one mate, I think you definately need to hand this situation over to the principal or someone authorized and familiar with dealing with such a situation. Don't try sorting this out by yourself that is not your job responsibility, it is the schools responsibility. Good luck with everything, I hope you get the situation resolved asap! Link to post Share on other sites
Sam The Eagle's Brother 0 Posted October 1, 2008 Share Posted October 1, 2008 Originally Posted By: Fattwins This is Japan not another country. Every teacher I have ever known here has to give out their contact numbers to the kids. I don't believe I was implying that this doesn't happen in Japan. I was simply stating my opinion that I do not think it is a good idea. Hey, but thank you so much for "telling" me. Good luck anyway CB! Link to post Share on other sites
HelperElfMissy 42 Posted October 1, 2008 Share Posted October 1, 2008 Originally Posted By: Fattwins This is Japan not another country. Every teacher I have ever known here has to give out their contact numbers to the kids. WOW. That is one of those big unseen cultural differences. It is unlikely that anyone who has not worked in or been schooled at a Japanese School would not know this. Heck - one of my kids attended a JHS for a month, and HE had no idea. As I said about our teachers - they are awesome and contactable and go above and beyond the call - but home phone numbers to the kids is not something that would ever be expected. Must make situations like this that much more difficult to deal with. Harder to draw that line between the business and the personal. You know that is what concerns me the most about this CB. You already sound cut up by what is happening to the girl, I would hate for that to get worse for you. It stinks! Link to post Share on other sites
rach 1 Posted October 1, 2008 Share Posted October 1, 2008 Thats awful, must be very annoying. I'd make sure the kyoto and kocho were involved or at least let them know what is happening. This is way too much for a teacher to be responsible for. Gambatte! Link to post Share on other sites
sanjo 2 Posted October 1, 2008 Share Posted October 1, 2008 I know quite a few teachers and they do indeed give out home numbers. It is not totally uncommon for teachers to get calls from parents on a Saturday night etc. It was right royally piss me off if that happened to me, but I'm not plugged into that system. It seems ok with some teachers and I suppose it might differ from school to school in how strongly they ask parents not to use that just for flimsy advice and only in emergencies. Sounds like you are in a difficult position there CB, though of course none of your bad-doing. Link to post Share on other sites
Yuki's Passion 1 Posted October 1, 2008 Author Share Posted October 1, 2008 thanks for all the comments. If ya read closely, everybody at school is involved and helping me out tremendously. Theyre all great and really supporting me in this situation - course Princ/VP/all full-time teachers know whatsup the other 11th grade HR teachers are wonderful as well by giving advice, suggestions, their time in dealing with the situation. NO, im not doing this alone nor could handle it by myself. Its something that has to be handled by the school, not just me, and its not just me - though I am the one who has been yelled/screamed at by the mother almost as much as the student disciplinary/counseling board director as well as having the father tell me if his daughter cant fit back into normal life at school and his wife leaves him (which he SHOULD BE HOPING FOR) that he would kill himself. Thats the only part of this situation which really screws with me. As for other comments its quite apparent how few teachers there are here in Japan, or maybe lack of full-time teachers in JHS/HS. I suspect some are uni profs or just ALTs/Eikaiwa teachers. If so, its hard to judge and truly understand what HR teachers have to deal with...especially for those who dont know Japanese. Update: So, the girl came to school today and I spoke to her mom (who drove her to school) just before 1st period started. Her mom is like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. She was fine this morning and babying her daughter to no end. NO wonder the girl cant function. So, the girl gets outta the car and immediately walks to the office genkan and sits down on a chair, starts hyperventilating and crying. She hasnt even changed shoes yet. I try talking to her, no luck. Class is almost bout to start, so I had to leave and left them there but ran to the nurses office to get the nurse to move her over there and into a secluded room. Between 1st and 2nd period I go to the nurses office, shes in there sitting with her head between her knees rocking back n forth on the chair. I am able to communicate with her. She didnt bring any books, doesnt have her class schedule, and has no idea where to go or what to do. WTF? She has to be the most incompetent person Ive ever had to deal with, ever. Its mind boggling. She says she prolly wont go to classes today and breaks down again. I have to go to class. After 2nd period I go there and shes sleeping and still sleeping at the end of third period as well. This girl needs a counselor and the mom isnt going to get her the help she needs. Shes facked. She doesnt even remember where our HR is FFS!! Link to post Share on other sites
HelperElfMissy 42 Posted October 1, 2008 Share Posted October 1, 2008 OMG Sounds like she is suffering severe clinical depression and needs medication and a professional in that area to guide her back to reality! Our school (not in Japan and not public) would probably refuse to take the child back until she has a letter from a Mental Health Professional stating that she is fit to return to school. This action might be controversial, but it does state loudly and officially there is something majorly wrong here and having this child at school serves no benefit and is potentially disastrous for the student (and others). It also pushes the parents to get the help she needs. The family MAY choose to move and move school to avoid doing the simpler thing and get her professional help - but let's face it - path of least resisitance is to get her the help. However path of least resistance right now is to drop thier problem at school with a sweet smile and hope you (plural) fix it for them. Is it a possibility to take this kind of action in Japan CB? And do you think it would be of benefit to her to see a shrink and get medicated? Link to post Share on other sites
scouser 4 Posted October 1, 2008 Share Posted October 1, 2008 Impressed with you being a homeroom teacher there CB. I didn't know that. Sounds like a bunch of nutters, it must be very annoying to get saddles with that lot. You must be spending a huge amount of time on that where you should be doing other things as well. Chin up! Link to post Share on other sites
guzzlers-baps 0 Posted October 1, 2008 Share Posted October 1, 2008 I don't have that responsibility but a few close friends do and I can't believe how much effort they put into their jobs and drop anything at any time it seems. It's as if they are on 24 hour call. Feel for you! Link to post Share on other sites
Tubby Beaver 209 Posted October 1, 2008 Share Posted October 1, 2008 Originally Posted By: Sam The Eagle's Brother Originally Posted By: Fattwins This is Japan not another country. Every teacher I have ever known here has to give out their contact numbers to the kids. I don't believe I was implying that this doesn't happen in Japan. I was simply stating my opinion that I do not think it is a good idea. Hey, but thank you so much for "telling" me. Good luck anyway CB! I agree with you, I wouldn't be happy handing out my number either. I worked in a high school in Scotland before coming here and there was no way ANY member of staff would give out their personal number. Obviously Japan is very different, but that for me is above and beyond the call of duty. Good luck though CB, it truly is a pickle for you! Link to post Share on other sites
bushpig 0 Posted October 2, 2008 Share Posted October 2, 2008 Originally Posted By: Mamabear OMG Sounds like she is suffering severe clinical depression and needs medication and a professional in that area to guide her back to reality! Our school (not in Japan and not public) would probably refuse to take the child back until she has a letter from a Mental Health Professional stating that she is fit to return to school. Mamabear, we had 2 different kids just in my homeroom, last year alone, that did this very same thing. They come to school, then spend the day in the nurses room being coddled. That was just my homeroom. There are usually a couple of cases similar to this in most year groups. The system and how it deals with these kids is really messed up. CB, mate as I said. Take a step back. Screen the calls if you are outside of school, and don't let yourself get dragged into this. Deal with it as best you can at work, but then leave it there when you go home. Good luck mate. Link to post Share on other sites
HelperElfMissy 42 Posted October 2, 2008 Share Posted October 2, 2008 BP ... that is astounding! Hear is me thinking CB has an isolated case of a girl on the edge with idiot parents continuing to push her to do the normal things regardless of her obvious distress - and now you say it is relatively common!!!!! Why is this so? Is it the pressure? Is it that these kids are enabled and mollycoddled as small children and never grow up to be strong enough? It just seems incredible. I would have thought this girl and her parents was an extreme and rare case!! Excuse me while I push my jaw back up into it's original position. Link to post Share on other sites
orinoco 0 Posted October 2, 2008 Share Posted October 2, 2008 A school I used to work at had pretty much the same - there were a few kids who spent pretty much all day in the nurses room just messing about. And she didn't seem to mind or encourage them to go back to class, it was bizarre. What is the general policy on that? Link to post Share on other sites
Mini Me Tarzan 0 Posted October 2, 2008 Share Posted October 2, 2008 I'm a bit young to understand your problem CB. I've only ever been to nursery. I have asked my mum to type an answer for me. Here it is: At schools that do the nurses room thing, the thinking is, keeping them in the nurse's room avoids an official diagnosis of clinical depression which could jeopardise future job prospects. I don't know how they get around the fact that the CD itself is jeopardising much more than job prospects. I don't think the mobile phone number thing quite so black and white in western schools. Western teachers I know give out their mobile numbers for school trips and the like, so parents will oftern have the numbers. I also have a few of my Australian uni lecturers mobile numbers but only use them for prearranged appointments. It's not so much an issue of having the numbers as much as using them appropriately. CB, I have been reading this thread with interest but don't know what to add as in how you can help her. You have done everything you can and even in Western countries that supposedly have systems in place, things happen. Something that hasn't been mentioned is that when you posted about the father asking about your love life alarm bells started ringing for me. I would be very careful of his motives and of potential sexual harrassment charges. I saw fabricated charges ruin a guy when I was on JET. Make sure that you are never alone in a room with this student to protect yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Yuki's Passion 1 Posted October 2, 2008 Author Share Posted October 2, 2008 MJ, thanks, I spoke with him on the phone at school and I think he just wants to go out to a hostess club - those were his direct words. I think he needs a way to talk, without his wife there, and thats one way he can do it and relax. I wont ever go out with him so no worries. She was at school yesterday and I was only able to talk to her total for about an hour and a half. We talked about her trip abroad and all the fun things she did and what she learned from it. Then talked about how many more days she can miss before she is held back, I believe now its 12 or 13 until the end of the year which is most likely impossible for her, especially since shes not here today at all. The school is great, I have more support than Obama and McCain so Im quite happy about that. Just rough being a HR teacher and facing some of this stuff which is why I wanted to vent. There are tons of issues Japanese parents wont face. One of them is if their son/daughter is depressed or mentally unstable, in almost all cases, they refuse to accept that their child has an issue and needs to see a specialist. They consider it an insult to them. WTF? TIJ!!! I guess is all you can say. I have much more to say bout that but dont have time. Cheers again. Link to post Share on other sites
bushpig 0 Posted October 2, 2008 Share Posted October 2, 2008 Originally Posted By: orinoco A school I used to work at had pretty much the same - there were a few kids who spent pretty much all day in the nurses room just messing about. And she didn't seem to mind or encourage them to go back to class, it was bizarre. What is the general policy on that? The general policy is that it is the hr teacher's responsibility to try and sort out. Don't laugh. That is the general attitude. Another factor for them allowing kids to get away with this is the idea of every kid's right to an education. That includes/means not refusing them if they want to come and stay in the nurses room. That's also a major factor in why it is so much harder to expel kids (but that is another issue altogether) Link to post Share on other sites
Okama 0 Posted October 3, 2008 Share Posted October 3, 2008 I used to be high school teacher but I was disillusioned with the system and so I retired from it. Now I teach sometimes privately but make sure I enjoy my life without the un-necessary stress that I had before. I am Japanese by the way. Good luck, Creek Boy. Link to post Share on other sites
Yuki's Passion 1 Posted October 3, 2008 Author Share Posted October 3, 2008 >Another factor for them allowing kids to get away with this is the idea of every kid's right to an education BP, thats only for JHS (義務教育) but not HS. She isnt here again today so she can only miss 11 more days. Getting blamed for about 30 mins this morning by her mom. I actually quit caring and the other 11th grade tannin are saying dont worry bout it and just ignore her. So, I am. I actually kept putting the phone to my ear and then away and could figure out what she was saying by the babbling and rambling going on. Shes the problem, not the solution. I actually recommended she send her daugther away overseas again today for another year. I think as long as her daughter isnt near her, she will be in a much better situation. Albeit, she could just be screwed for life having a parent like that. Thank goodness the other 35 plus parents Ive had parent-teacher conferences with were really cool. I havent met about a dozenish parents and prolly wont have too either. TGIF!!! Link to post Share on other sites
soubriquet 0 Posted October 3, 2008 Share Posted October 3, 2008 Gambatte CB. Don't wear the burden. Some people are shite looking for somewhere to happen. Suggest they try someone else's doorstep. Link to post Share on other sites
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