pie-eater 207 Posted September 7, 2010 Share Posted September 7, 2010 And the latest in the William "not gay" Hague saga: FOREIGN secretary William Hague has revealed how he likes to stare at women as they strip down to their bikinis. Mr Hague said any beach will do, but he prefers the Costa del Sol and French Riviera because quite often the ladies take off the top bit as well so you can see their boobs and everything. In a keynote address to the Royal United Services Institute, he added: "Like most men, I look for a nice, elevated position overlooking the beach, put up a folding chair and get out my binoculars. "I then scan the area looking for some really terrific boobs and knockers. "Often I make notes or sketches which I then compare with my fellow boob watchers when we meet up for a large number of pints. It's all just normal, healthy stuff." Stressing that the Afghan war was not an open-ended commitment, he said: "And have you seen that Coyote Ugly, when all the ladies dance on the bar? They're so sexy with their smashing bottoms and their lovely knees. "And I would also like to stress very strongly that Sienna Miller and Gemma Atkinson would get it. They'd get all of it. Seriously, you've no idea. "As would Linford Christie. What? No, I mean Julie Christie. Don't Look Now. Very sexy. Oh yes. Donald Sutherland's dirty big knob flapping about. Actually, that was dreadful. If it was up to me they would all be banned. "Knobs..." Tom Logan, professor of politics at Reading University, said: "While Mr Hague is obviously as heterosexual as the next man, it is startling how many gay Tories there are, given the party's tradition of viciously anti-gay policies. "I wonder if it's an S&M thing? I do hope so." Link to post Share on other sites
thursday 1 Posted September 7, 2010 Share Posted September 7, 2010 I wonder if he is really gay or just dreamt it. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted September 8, 2010 Author Share Posted September 8, 2010 A 30-STONE factory worker has been laid off - in case he falls on his pals and CRUSHES them. Tubby Barry Fowers had to climb on platforms despite being prone to blackouts. But he was considered a danger to himself and others and took an offer of redundancy at his job making power equipment. Link to post Share on other sites
thursday 1 Posted September 8, 2010 Share Posted September 8, 2010 making power equipment where you have to climb platforms without falling on people. Link to post Share on other sites
thursday 1 Posted September 9, 2010 Share Posted September 9, 2010 9/9/76. Very good day. The day Mao died. Link to post Share on other sites
JA2340 16 Posted September 10, 2010 Share Posted September 10, 2010 Yesterday was a good one - I woke up still alive, and the date was 8/9/10 Link to post Share on other sites
@tokyo 14 Posted September 10, 2010 Share Posted September 10, 2010 Britney is being sued for sexual harrassment. Apparently she tried to entice her bodyguard into here bedroom, where she was standing naked. Link to post Share on other sites
RobBright 35 Posted September 10, 2010 Share Posted September 10, 2010 Saw that yesterday - had a wee chuckle. A woman deemed to be one of the sexist women alive at one point, naked in front of you, and you sue for sexual harassment? Link to post Share on other sites
kkk 7 Posted September 10, 2010 Share Posted September 10, 2010 More potential money from suing. Balance that with a shag.... Isn't she a tarty tramp anyway these days? Link to post Share on other sites
RobBright 35 Posted September 10, 2010 Share Posted September 10, 2010 She probably is. Link to post Share on other sites
gnarly-dude 1 Posted September 10, 2010 Share Posted September 10, 2010 Still Britters though. But I'd probably take the cash. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted September 10, 2010 Author Share Posted September 10, 2010 Well, I'm outraged. ----- Quote: The notorious arcade champion Billy Mitchell was certified as the new world record holder in Donkey Kong Jr. at his induction to the International Video Game Hall of Fame last month. But Mark Kiehl had already beaten his score. Kiehl (pictured) from whom Mitchell took the record, posted a score of 1,307,500, on July 19, which was just certified today by Twin Galaxies, the international high score sanctioning authority. Mitchell, best known for his villainous depiction in "The King of Kong," posted a score of 1,270,900 on July 31, the same day he also beat the world record in Donkey Kong. Both scores were certified on Aug. 7 at Mitchell's hall of fame enshrinement. Kiehl, of Enid, Okla., told Examiner.com that he was fine with Mitchell holding the record, even though he'd already beaten Mitchell's mark. Link to post Share on other sites
JA2340 16 Posted September 10, 2010 Share Posted September 10, 2010 Seems there's a need for a life in there somewhere. Link to post Share on other sites
Thundercat 60 Posted September 10, 2010 Share Posted September 10, 2010 It's like they say, 'No DK jr., no life!' Har! Link to post Share on other sites
pie-eater 207 Posted September 10, 2010 Share Posted September 10, 2010 GOOGLE'S new Instant search engine means consumers can finally start using the fraction of a second it used to take them to get a result. The company estimates the average user performs 12 searches a day, meaning they will soon have more than nine extra seconds to devote to work or leisure interests. Hailing a 'quantum leap in search' a spokesman said it would mean millions of people were finally able to finish their novels, while some could even donate their nine seconds to help tackle global warming. However experts stressed that instant internet search results would inevitably lead to something filthy. Software engineer, Julian Cook, said: "If it's delivering answers as I'm typing then what happens if I'm planning a long weekend in Cockermouth? "If it just waited until I'd actually finished typing the word then I'd get a useful list of B&Bs and interesting walks in Wordsworth country instead of a face full of big, hot dicks or a picture of Liam Gallagher." But working mum, Helen Archer, said Google Instant means she will finally have time to read an incredibly short bedtime story to her children. "I came across a lovely one in Waterstones the other day. It goes 'Once upon a time there was a little princess who lived in a forest. Everything worked out fine'. I reckon with a bit of trimming I can get that down to about 6.4 seconds without ruining the magic. "Thank you Google. My life is amazing now." Advertising executive, Martin Bishop, said: "It will make no difference to me because I already utilise the time between entering the search term and getting the result. Look, I've just made this origami giraffe." And primary schoool teacher, Emma Bradford, added: "Developing this will have cost Google millions of dollars which could have been used for other things like buying everyone a bag of crisps or helping to cure cancer. "I think that might actually be evil." Link to post Share on other sites
thursday 1 Posted September 10, 2010 Share Posted September 10, 2010 I turned it off. It's not so much fun as hitting the search button Link to post Share on other sites
BagOfCrisps 24 Posted September 10, 2010 Share Posted September 10, 2010 Got to admit, I don't particularly like it either. It kind of gets in the way. Quote: And primary schoool teacher, Emma Bradford, added: "Developing this will have cost Google millions of dollars which could have been used for other things like buying everyone a bag of crisps or helping to cure cancer. I would much prefer the bag of crisps. Prawn cocktail please. Link to post Share on other sites
thursday 1 Posted September 10, 2010 Share Posted September 10, 2010 yeah, sod the cancer, the crisps would see to that. Link to post Share on other sites
Tubby Beaver 209 Posted September 10, 2010 Share Posted September 10, 2010 Originally Posted By: KevKastle More potential money from suing. Balance that with a shag.... Isn't she a tarty tramp anyway these days? should've just shagged her anyways then sold the story to the Nudes of the World Link to post Share on other sites
thursday 1 Posted September 10, 2010 Share Posted September 10, 2010 poor dude. Now he has to prove it, and prove it was ongoing. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted September 11, 2010 Author Share Posted September 11, 2010 Originally Posted By: Tubby Beaver Originally Posted By: KevKastle More potential money from suing. Balance that with a shag.... Isn't she a tarty tramp anyway these days? should've just shagged her anyways then sold the story to the Nudes of the World Perhaps also charge here 1000 quid too. Link to post Share on other sites
thursday 1 Posted September 12, 2010 Share Posted September 12, 2010 all a bit silly no? Link to post Share on other sites
@tokyo 14 Posted September 12, 2010 Share Posted September 12, 2010 Definitely way too expensive. Link to post Share on other sites
grungy-gonads 54 Posted September 13, 2010 Author Share Posted September 13, 2010 Morning exercise is important: Link to post Share on other sites
SKI 15 Posted September 13, 2010 Share Posted September 13, 2010 My oh my Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts