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Weddings & priests & things


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Coupla weeks back gave up my annual ski long-weekend (boo hoo) to go to a wedding. I didn't suffer too much because it was a close friend and we - wife & kid - really wanted to be there. And it was good.

 

It was my first time to a wedding here (cept mine) and a couple of things are still rolling around the brain.

Place (Avirir chain)was ritzy to say the least, but professional in a very knowing way. Gourmet French lunch, wonderful staff, attention to detail without being overt, rich with out being ostentatious. A nice affair all round. Of course this all costs an arm & a leg and we guests must dutifully pay. We checked thoroughly beforehand and realized we were up for about ¥90,000. Like that's my winter fuel bill. Others we were told would pay much more, esp as it was a "Doctors" wedding. Anyway I didn't begrudge the payment, coz it's "only money",

But just wondering what other folks on here have coughed up in similar situations. I Suspect big cities may be more expensive???

 

And my 2nd wondering concerns the "western service" in the chapel.

We all know it's fake and that it's the big boom here and Why Not?

White flowing gowns, mini-choir, organist, The Virgin Road (all guests instructed to not step on the virgin road wtf, is that? she's already pregnant!!!)etc etc. I could enjoy all the theatrics of it, BUT I got a bit squirmy over the fake priest bit. A nice guy from India. Looked the part and probably paid handsomely for his 30mins worth. However the service was all in God & Jesus Christs name - uttered & uttered - and I thought that's pretty rank. The couple and guests wouldn't care if the words were not truly religious, it's all a pantomine. And I squirmed not as an atheist, but at the cheapening of someone elses real beliefs.

I know people on here are PT priests, so is this Jesus service the norm at fake weddings and if so do you feel strange preaching such?

 

Very Pythonesque so I could enjoy in that light.

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I felt weird doing it TBQH but the money was soooo good I couldnt say no, 20,000 yen/30 min wedding. Kinda a no brainer, especially when I would have a few lined up on a weekend. Thats some great cash. I wont ever do it again. Felt so cheezy doing it I think. The way I justified it was by just trying to make their special day as fun and memorable as possible.

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You have to remember that some of the wedding ministers are real priests or missionaries, so you might expect some kind of sermon. But perhaps the Japanese need to think about what they're expecting from the experience. If it's a pantomine and treated as such, I don't think there's any big deal as long as everybody's happy.

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I still think that the amount people spend on weddings here is criminal. Japan's entering a phase of low incomes so why are people blowing money on tacky weddings? Surely that money could be better spent on house deposit or something matrimonial.

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You did that CB? Cool. I always wanted to try the fake priest gig once or twice. I think I'd be pretty good at it! lol.gif

Pretty wacked.

My US friend got married to a J-girl and I guess she ordered the whole wedding package coz they got married by a fake priest who called himself 'Brother Daniel' (you might know the guy) at a wedding 'chapel' in Kyoto. It was pretty brutal. He called the bride Tomoko a couple of times during the service. My friend finally wispered to him 'Her name is Miyako!'. Brother Dan offered to re-do a those sections so that they could edit the mistake out of the video....

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 Originally Posted By: snobee
We checked thoroughly beforehand and realized we were up for about ¥90,000.


I hope you didn't pay 9man.
4 & 9 are really bad numbers!
Nagoya usual rates are 3man for a single and 5man for a couple to attend a wedding.
Rip IMHO but if it's a best mate I'll be there for their big day.
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jer, I know him. Very nice and professional. He, if it is the same guy, is a minister at (his?) own church in Kyoto. I did a few weddings in Kobe/Ashiya and the pay was less, like 10,000/wedding so I quit. I mainly worked out in Yonago/Matsue area. Wasnt worth my time and energy anymore. Plus, the Immigration bureau actually started a crackdown cuz many people, myself included, didnt have proper visas to be performing the ceremony as its outside our visa permit. Basically the govt just wants more money...Anyways, I hung up my bible, priest robe, and rosary. The robe still comes in handy though \:D whistle.gif

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i'm curious as to how these japanese weddings work then - in lieu of gifts, do all guests just give the bride and groom some money?

at a lot of western weddings these days money seems to be a more commonly acceptable (if slightly tacky) gift, but at japanese weddings do they actually request a specific amount?

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You have to pay to attend the wedding.

 

Next, you get a gift given to you the following month which is supposed to be equal to the value you paid. Sometimes you can choose the gift - they will send you a catalouge and you can choose anything in it. the catalouge will contain only items that are of value X (what you paid to go the wedding). However in reality, the items are all overpriced in the catalouge.

 

Recent example: wife pays 40,000yen to attend wedding, gets a catalouge of 40,000yen items to choose from, and ends up with an alarm clock that you can buy for 6000yen from tokyu hands.

 

It just an extension of the omiyage scam. At the end of the day, the catalouge company is the big winner.

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so it's not even like the money is going towards the couple to help them pay for the wedding?

it must be really bizarre just giving money to a catalogue company. i know that a lot of customs and tradition don't necessarily make sense (both in japan and elsewhere) but this one seems paricularly strange.

i wouldn't be stoked about giving a friend a few hundred bucks to help celebrae their nuptials, but at least you're helping them celebrate and contributing to the cost of the reception etc. but here it seems that the couple pay through the nose, and then the guests also pay through the nose

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 Originally Posted By: Creek Boy
jer, I know him. Very nice and professional. He, if it is the same guy, is a minister at (his?) own church in Kyoto. I did a few weddings in Kobe/Ashiya and the pay was less, like 10,000/wedding so I quit. I mainly worked out in Yonago/Matsue area. Wasnt worth my time and energy anymore. Plus, the Immigration bureau actually started a crackdown cuz many people, myself included, didnt have proper visas to be performing the ceremony as its outside our visa permit. Basically the govt just wants more money...Anyways, I hung up my bible, priest robe, and rosary. The robe still comes in handy though \:D whistle.gif


Immigration deported some people who were doing weddings on tourist visas. It's a dirty business with some sleazy characters involved. Working outside your visa status is not a big deal if you let immigration know and they understand what you're up to.
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 Originally Posted By: bobby12
You have to pay to attend the wedding.

Next, you get a gift given to you the following month which is supposed to be equal to the value you paid. Sometimes you can choose the gift - they will send you a catalouge and you can choose anything in it. the catalouge will contain only items that are of value X (what you paid to go the wedding). However in reality, the items are all overpriced in the catalouge.



Never heard of that system in all my wedding times here.
I've been to maybe 10 weddings here and each time you get a small gift when you leave. Nothing special and not even near the amount you pay to attend the wedding.
Whilst I'm all for cultural traditions I'd really like to know when this became a tradition.

I think if you want to get married, you should pay yourself (or get your parents to pay!).
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I think I've mentioned this before in here but its worth repeating. My dad has married many of my friends and even my brother and sister (not to each other). He is a judge in Canada and he is very fussy about the weddings he agrees to perform - and he cannot accept any money for performing them. Many of my friends came to him for their wedding because of in-laws-to-be all fighting over whose religion would marry them.

 

The wedding ceremony has to pass his test - it has to be original and interesting and meaningful for the couple. The couple have to create their own setting and write their own vows; he just makes sure it stays within the legal context of what has to be said and done.

 

He's done weddings on on skis, on golf courses, in sailboats, canoes, and on a tennis court - and all of the weddings he's done that I know about have been awesome - even the families upset about a non-church wedding usually rave about them.

 

One of the more interesting ceremonies happened in a sailboat in Lake Ontario. During the exchange of vows, the captain checked his GPS and realised the boat had drifted into US waters and the ceremony had to stop until they could get back in Canadian waters otherwise it would not have been legal. They had to do most of the ceremony twice...

 

Its also interesting that after many years and many weddings, I am not aware of any of the marriages he's conducted ending in divorce - so maybe if you care enough about making your own wedding, um, your own wedding, you care enough to make the marriage last?

 

 

 

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Fjef - Nice touch. Some of that secularity would be the go here instead of the sham stuff. My friend actually wanted a simple wedding and even though it was finally decided (by other powers to be)to be held at such a full on place he made sure the invite said "casual wear - jeans ok". My wife said no one will dress like that, so we all had to do the penguin attire thing. And she was right. If I'd worn jeans like I wanted to, I'd have been the real hill-billy gaijin who don't kno nuffink.

 

Indo - sorry wasn't so clear. Actually set me back ¥90,000 all up. ¥70,000 as gift money and ¥20,000 for the necessary threads and shoes update for 3 of us, esp fancy boots and dress for the lil girl that she probably won't wear again.

Yeh the bad #'s being 4, 6 & 9, left us no choice but to pay 70k as 50k was too cheap and 100k+ like out of the question. Funny about the reciprocal gifts. We got the standard fare - sweets, cake etc in a carry bag together with a gift catalogue to choose from. I'd say the gift value would be between ¥2,000 ~ ¥5,000. I don't care but it all looks like cheap shit which kinda cheapens the whole affair.. Nothing woould be more dignified.

 

But, as I said - good time all round and sat at the same table with a neuro surgeon, his skin specialist wife and 2 gastroenterologists (all nice folks - promised to bbq in spring) so I look upon it as a partial investment in my health future.

 

BUT that Jesus sevice. Jeeezus!!!

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I've been to 2 weddings here and none of them gave me a catalougue to choose a gift. My understanding was that its a gift to the couple, and it basically pays what they spent on the wedding with a little left over to start up on. It is very strange giving money (I paid 2.5 man). When I get married, I want it to be a small low key affair, either somewhere on a beach in shorts, sandals and sunglasses or on a mountain in snowboard boots and board pants. That way I can enjoy my honeymoon right after the vceremony is finished!

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