Uncomfortable Questions about the Death Star Attack

[Nisoko 6]

Friend sent me this, quite thought provoking indeed.

 

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We’ve all heard the “official conspiracy theory” of the Death Star attack. We all know about Luke Skywalker and his ragtag bunch of rebels, how they mounted a foolhardy attack on the most powerful, well-defended battle station ever built. And we’ve all seen the video over, and over, and over, of the one-in-a-million shot that resulted in a massive chain reaction that not just damaged, but completely obliterated that massive technological wonder.

 

Like many citizens of the Empire, I was fed this story when I was growing up. But as I watched the video, I began to realize that all was not as it seemed. And the more I questioned the official story, the deeper into the rabbit hole I went.

 

Presented here are some of the results of my soul-searching regarding this painful event. Like many citizens, I have many questions that I would like answered: was the mighty Imperial government really too incompetent to prevent a handful of untrained nerf-herders from destroying one of their most prized assets? Or are they hiding something from us? Who was really behind the attack? Why did they want the Death Star destroyed? No matter what the answers, we have a problem.

 

Below is a summary of my book, Uncomfortable Questions: An Analysis of the Death Star Attack, which presents compelling evidence that we all may be the victims of a fraud of immense proportions.

 

Uncomfortable Questions about the Death Star Attack

 

1) Why were a handful of rebel fighters able to penetrate the defenses of a battle station that had the capability of destroying an entire planet and the defenses to ward off several fleets of battle ships?

 

2) Why did Grand Moff Tarkin refuse to deploy the station’s large fleet of TIE Fighters until it was too late? Was he acting on orders from somebody to not shoot down the rebel attack force? If so, who, and why?

 

3) Why was the rebel pilot who supposedly destroyed the Death Star reported to be on the Death Star days, maybe hours, prior to its destruction? Why was he allowed to escape, and why were several individuals dressed in Stormtrooper uniforms seen helping him?

 

4) Why has there not been an investigation into allegations that Darth Vader, the second-ranking member of the Imperial Government, is in fact the father of the pilot who allegedly destroyed the Death Star?

 

5) Why did Lord Vader decide to break all protocols and personally pilot a lightly armored TIE Fighter? Conveniently, this placed Lord Vader outside of the Death Star when it was destroyed, where he was also conveniently able to escape from a large-sized rebel fleet that had just routed the Imperial forces. Why would Lord Vader, one of the highest ranking members of the Imperial Government, suddenly decide to fly away from the Death Star in the middle of a battle? Did he know something that the rest of the Imperial Navy didn’t?

 

6) How could any pilot shoot a missile into a 2 meter-wide exhaust port, let alone a pilot with no formal training, whose only claim to fame was his ability to “bullseye womprats” on Tatooine? This shot, according to one pilot, would be “impossible, even for a computer.” Yet, according to additional evidence, the pilot who allegedly fired the missile turned off his targeting computer when he was supposedly firing the shot that destroyed the Death Star. Why have these discrepancies never been investigated, let alone explained?

 

7) Why has their been no investigation into evidence that the droids who provided the rebels with the Death Star plans were once owned by none other than Lord Vader himself, and were found, conveniently, by the pilot who destroyed the Death Star, and who is also believed to be Lord Vader’s son? Evidence also shows that the droids were brought to one Ben Kenobi, who, records indicate, was Darth Vader’s teacher many years earlier! Are all these personal connections between the conspirators and a key figure in the Imperial government supposed to be coincidences?

 

8) How could a single missile destroy a battle station the size of a moon? No records, anywhere, show that any battle station or capital ship has ever been destroyed by a single missile. Furthermore, analysis of the tape of the last moments of the Death Star show numerous small explosions along its surface, prior to it exploding completely! Why does all evidence indicate that strategically placed explosives, not a single missile, is what destroyed the Death Star?

[big-will 7]

Is this Star Wars stuff? It's not real you know

[spook 0]

don't tell domokun that...

[Tubby Beaver 209]

The reason all those things happened was due to the fact that the script writers wrote it that way

[NoFakie 45]

Did the Ewoks have WMD? Or were we after their acorns?

[joshnii 2]

Bur even so Tubby Beaver, they still have to do it all just as it was written, right?

[Tubby Beaver 209]

I don't know if you're being serious or just sarcastic!!

[thursday 1]

there's still more serious things to answer. why were the thermal geneartors on the farm shut down after sunset, when they should've been started up (to keep warm). And why were they using white plastic utensils to eat when long long time in future we're using steel and glass and china.

[soubriquet 0]

I just saw a white rabbit. It's the first rabbit I've seen in town. Is this significant?

[keba 0]

Not thought-provoking at all. He used the Force, and the missile was able to destroy the Death Star because of a critical design flaw, revealed by stolen blueprints. Tarkin did not retaliate until it was revealed to him (too late) that the Rebel strategy had a chance (albeit small) of success. He even refused an evacuation transport, when it was offered.

 

I'm more troubled by the questions raised in "Clerks" about the Death Star II destruction in "Return of the Jedi"... what about all the poor unfortunate construction workers and subcontractors who had no alleigance to the Emperor, just providing for their families by doing an honest day's work?

[AK 77 0]

Is Mr Wiggles the only one of you to pick up on this (rather flippant) parody?

[Domokun_72dpi 0]

1) Outsourced Labour. To cover the sheer manpower to develop & maintain the death Star meant outsourcing to distant galaxies. With little or no formal training, or qualifications, it meant there were weaknesses.

 

2) Grand Moff Tarkin obtained the job via his uncle. Poor judgement and pride resulted in bad decision making.

 

3) They had hoped to track him, plus the stormtroopers feeble clonmed minds were of no match for the will of a jedi, plus the rebel forces offered an under the table deal that was far superior to the minimum wage they were recieving

 

4) Darth's illigitimate child was a galaxial embarressment, plus, who will you complain to?. There is Darth, and the Emporer, two of the most powerful men in the universe. You saw what happened to the commander when he made Darth a crap coffee...

 

5) When you want a job done well, sometimes you gotta do it yourself. Plus, with foresight - power of the dark side, if you saw impending doom, wouldn't u bail ship too?

 

6) Luke is naturally talented, being the product of Darth. better than any man in the universe. Machines were made by man, hence Luke is better. Also, the force helped. Plus, due to point 1, the skills shortage led to poor design of the death star, leaving a weakness.

 

7) Payback. it's like being mean to a puppy. One day, it's going to bite you back for the torment it recieved.

 

8) Again, refer to point 1. The architect saved money by using pirated software that didn't have updates. Therefore problems were due to incorrect calculations.

 

IO swer, this is all true =)

[Ewok 2 1]

impressive domokun.

still haven't seen this movie yet.

[Oyuki kigan 0]

Ewok, its nothing personal, but i'm not talking to you again until you do.

[Yuki's Passion 1]

I tried many times before OK but she got really sad at the thought of seeing her family so far, far, far away

[thursday 1]

I agree, the Darth Vader mask is the one to wear. But you need to have a lop sided head as it is not symmetrical. One side is bigger than the other, for emperial reasons.

[joshnii 2]

You don't want to Ewok 2. Cheesefest, but not as delish.

[klingon 10]

Go the way of Trek, not Wars.

[bushpig 0]

Great read, and Domokun, great counterpunch!