soubriquet 0 Posted July 1, 2006 Share Posted July 1, 2006 I have a fantastic relationship with soubriquette. It is based on love and trust and mutual respect. If I had another life to live, I doubt that I'd find a better woman than her. She's sugar and spice. She's also cream and chocolate, and steel and chilli. Link to post Share on other sites
ncorrenti 0 Posted July 1, 2006 Share Posted July 1, 2006 Soub, I understand that you've been screwed over by your ex and I empathise with you. But comments such as 'female filth' are really not nice. Maybe you can cut the SJ girls some slack? Link to post Share on other sites
soubriquet 0 Posted July 1, 2006 Share Posted July 1, 2006 Nicole. I'm truly sorry that I've offended you, and for that matter, anyone else. I'm not referring to anyone here. Somewhere in my soul there is a little black spot. It wasn't always there, but no matter how I rub and scrub I can't make it go away. Sometimes at night it jumps out from the dark and eats me. Link to post Share on other sites
BagOfCrisps 24 Posted July 1, 2006 Share Posted July 1, 2006 Gambare, soubs! Watch England knock the stuffing out of Portugal tonight with some nice wine. Link to post Share on other sites
fjef 0 Posted July 2, 2006 Share Posted July 2, 2006 I think some of what Soubriquet is alluding to is an 'only in Japan' issue that makes it worse when you are being manipulated by a Japanese woman and you are the foreign father. A foreign father has no rights as far as the kids go and the woman can do as she pleases. There are so many horror stories out there when relationships go bad - and if they start out badly all the more to worry about. Griller needs to be aware of what he might be getting himself into. There is no support for him and his kid (if it is his) in the Japanese legal or social system. Link to post Share on other sites
bushpig 0 Posted July 2, 2006 Share Posted July 2, 2006 Hang on. Aren't Soubs kids in Australia and his ex an Aussie chick? Link to post Share on other sites
soubriquet 0 Posted July 2, 2006 Share Posted July 2, 2006 Right and wrong. My children are in Australia, and they are Australian. My ex has that nationality, but she is not an Aussie chick. Regardless of the country, the law or the system, as non-custodial parent (read male) you will be shafted. Griller. Walk away. She chose not to control her fertility. Having chosen to get pregnant, she has chosen to have the child. These are her choices, not yours. When you tried to discuss this with her, she got angry. Do you want to give your life to this woman? If not, walk away. Link to post Share on other sites
ncorrenti 0 Posted July 2, 2006 Share Posted July 2, 2006 Quote: Originally posted by soubriquet: Griller. Walk away. She chose not to control her fertility. Having chosen to get pregnant, she has chosen to have the child. These are her choices, not yours. Wow you really are clueless. No woman has complete control over her fertility. Believe it or not, we don't get a convenient little signal every time we ovulate. For all you know she could be taking the pill and it simply didn't work. My sister fell pregnant twice while using the pill (correctly, I might add). Or, perhaps for health reasons, she cannot use oral contraceptives. Considering he was using a condom, it seems highly unlikely that this was a trick or a planned outcome. Sounds to me like it was a pure accident. Just because she wants to have the baby doesn't mean she is doing it to ruin Griller's life - maybe she simply wants her child to live. Link to post Share on other sites
griller 9 Posted July 3, 2006 Author Share Posted July 3, 2006 I met her today. She was much calmer but insisting that it is mine (no other boyfriends in the zone) and she will not agree to taking any test. I asked her why she told me and she just said I should know. I'm not really sure what to do now. I can't force her to take a test but I want to know. Link to post Share on other sites
Yuki's Passion 1 Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 >I'm not really sure what to do now. I can't force her to take a test but I want to know. Tell her you'd be happy to help out (whatever that means) if you had the test done. Sounds like this is going to go around in circles with her saying she wont but you want her to. Rough situation. I think I'd become a real ba$tard and say I wont do anything or help unless she had the test done (which I would pay for). Link to post Share on other sites
me jane 0 Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 Why doesn't she want to do the test? It is a pretty scary test actually. They stick a huge, long needle through your abdomen into the uterus and withdraw some fluid. The risk of miscarriage after the test is 1/100 to 1/200. There is also the risk that the needle will touch the baby and cause some kind of birth defect. Link to post Share on other sites
ncorrenti 0 Posted July 4, 2006 Share Posted July 4, 2006 CB is right. It's just going to go around in circles. You can't force her to take the test and judging from what Me Jane says, she has every right to refuse it if there's a chance it could harm the baby. If she is determined to have the baby ask her if she will agree to a paternity test after the baby is born. If she refuses, tell her she's on her own. Link to post Share on other sites
brit-gob 9 Posted July 4, 2006 Share Posted July 4, 2006 Sorry to hear that griller. Link to post Share on other sites
me jane 0 Posted July 4, 2006 Share Posted July 4, 2006 Hi Griller, Was thinking about you last night!! Here's what I came up with: Rather than having her taking the test and then deciding what you are going to do, perhaps it would be fairer to her if you try to decide before she takes it. I mean if she takes the test, you find out its yours and then you decide to walk away anyway - she will have put herself and the baby through the trauma of the test for nothing. If you decide before she takes it that if the child is yours you will definately want to be involved and promise her that it may make her more inclined to take the test. Pregnant girls have so many hormones raging through their bodies (think PMT x 100) that she is bound to be more emotional than usual. If you decide you want to be involved so do need the test then try not to get frustrated by her irrationality. Hopefully she'll come around. Also bear in mind that time is of the essence - you can't take the test after approx 17 or 18 weeks. You might be able to encourage her by pointing out that she would also be able to check for chromosomal diseases like, spina bifida and Down's syndrome, and that you would be able to find out the sex of the baby at the test. Also, if you have decided you want to be involved, (subject to the test) you could try to show some happiness and excitement for her. She must be being condemed from all sides at the moment as unmarried mothers are discouraged in Japan and abortion or a hasty marriage are the normal routes. You might not necessarily feel happy or excited but her seeing that show of support that she could get if she took the test, might also encourage her to take it. Soubriquet. You had a hard time of it. No-one is denying that but don't take your bitterness out on this pregnant girl who none of us have met. Who are we to judge? The decision is Griller's and he will have to live with that choice for the rest of his life. Link to post Share on other sites
fukdane 2 Posted July 5, 2006 Share Posted July 5, 2006 I feel for you griller, you must be feeling pretty down about all this. Has the g/f sussed anything is up yet? Link to post Share on other sites
me jane 0 Posted July 13, 2006 Share Posted July 13, 2006 Any progress? Link to post Share on other sites
Retired Morris Dancer 0 Posted July 13, 2006 Share Posted July 13, 2006 Something happened to someone I knew back at college which I remembered when seeing this. She told him she was pregnant with his child, and then disappeared off the face of the earth without anything else. Link to post Share on other sites
griller 9 Posted July 13, 2006 Author Share Posted July 13, 2006 Thanks for the posts me jane and everyone. Sorry for not posting, nothing much has happened. She has said again she wants nothing from me and won't take some test. Apart from feeling pretty miserable about it all, the only thing I think I can really do is try to forget it all. Link to post Share on other sites
me jane 0 Posted July 13, 2006 Share Posted July 13, 2006 Hope it all works out for you as best it can. You and your gf should go on holiday somewhere - you deserve a break after all this stress. Link to post Share on other sites
scouser 4 Posted July 14, 2006 Share Posted July 14, 2006 Good luck mate. Link to post Share on other sites
HoTRoD 2 Posted July 15, 2006 Share Posted July 15, 2006 Try and forget about it dude. Link to post Share on other sites
griller 9 Posted August 3, 2006 Author Share Posted August 3, 2006 Quote: the only thing I think I can really do is try to forget it all. I was doing ok for a bit there but I got a call from the girl the other day and she wanted to meet me. So I met up with her yesterday and she now seems to have had a change of heart and she wants me to "take some responsibility", to which I told her she has to take that test first. Link to post Share on other sites
maoriboy 0 Posted August 3, 2006 Share Posted August 3, 2006 geez dude I really feel for you..the news doesnt get any better does it? well stick to your guns and demand she front up for that test if she wants you to play some part in the babys upbringing. Good luck !! Link to post Share on other sites
soubriquet 0 Posted August 3, 2006 Share Posted August 3, 2006 Very sorry to read that. This is one area where you can't win, so cut your losses. She's calling the shots, not you. Tell her to get on with it and stay out of your life. Difficult this may be, but if you get involved, she will end up manipulating your life, and you still won't have any control over access to the child. Link to post Share on other sites
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