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Easy girls. A question for the lads.


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Yeah, O11, having kids does not make you the ultimate authority on cheating. Plenty of people without kids cheat or are cheated on. Sure, kids might add an extra stress on a relationship, but that certainly isn't a reason to say people without kids can't understand the issues with regards to cheating. I know a lot of people with kids who would definitely take a black and white view on this. Having kids has nothing to do with it.

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I'm getting bored of talking to people with a black and white view. There are circumstances that you haven't considered, and might one day have to consider. The word 'cheating' itself doesn't come close to covering the possibilities.

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sorry for boring you mate ;\)

 

Sure, there are many different circumstances, but some people (including married-with-kids types who have been together for many years) choose to make the decision that it IS black and white when it comes to cheating. Some people may not agree with this, but does that make it any less valid for those who have chosen to view the issue like that and then live by that? I think not mate. Your view that there are areas of grey - and that us black & white types are wrong, is actually being quite black and white in itself.

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What is 'cheating' anyway confused.gif ? I think this is a definition which varies from person-to-person and relationship-to-relationship. For some people, viewing and..er...reacting to porn constitutes cheating. Some couples might play around with other people together and not view it as cheating.

 

I saw a doco about porn stars once and they interviewed a couple who often 'acted' in different films. Her take on it was something like "well if he's just ******* another girl thats ok but it would break my heart if I caught him holding hands with someone else". Different strokes aye ;\) ...

 

Life is long and marriage is too if it works out. I agree that monagamy is the best thing, but I also realise that I'm biologically wired to have inclinations away from monogamy. Like marriage it's a social construct. I personally believe that it's up to the couple to set their own rules about what is 'black and white'. Good luck getting it 100% right all of the time! I know that my missus has a special radar ability to detect any transgressions lol.gif .

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Yeah, Davo, what defines "cheating" is gonna vary from couple to couple. And fair enough if that is different. I have no probs with that view. My only point in all of this is that I think cheating (whatever your defintion of that is) is low. And yes, O11 there might be many situations which make this a little more complicated, but fundamentally I still think cheating is wrong. I don't think you are arguing against that anyway right?

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If it happened in my relationship I think that it would be a very low point. If it happens in someone elses it's basically none of my business, and I'm not in the position nor of the inclination to make judgements. I'll look after my own affairs-no pun intended ;\) -thanks. A marriage that survives cheating may be a lot better thing than one which doesn't, then again it may not. All very subjective I reckon.

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This is the way I see it:

 

By committing to your partner, you're not promising them that you'll never be attracted to another person or be tempted to cheat. What you are promising them is that you'll resist the temptation and stick with them throughout the rough times.

 

Cheating is one of the hardest things to forgive. It's not just the fact that your partner has feelings for someone else, but the fact that they've knowingly hurt you and betrayed your trust.

 

As horrible as it would be, I'd much rather my boyfriend come to me and say 'look, I have feelings for this person, I want to be with them instead of you' than cheat on me. At least I would feel as though he's respected me enough to be upfront.

 

But to be cheated on? Well, that just hurts on a whole other level. Not only does your partner want to be with someone else, but they've gone about it in a way that shows they have absolutely no respect for you or for your relationship.

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If prior to starting a relationship you declare that you are a polygamist or wanting multiple relationships, cheating could be justified and it wouldn't actually be cheating, it'd be an agreement. If not, you're just an ass. That's the bottom line - black and white.

 

011, if you could explain to us black and whiter's how cheating might be a good idea I would love to hear your idea's.

 

Nicole, I agree with you, being cheated on while not expecting it is a pretty shitty feeling.

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 Quote:
It's not just the fact that your partner has feelings for someone else, but the fact that they've knowingly hurt you and betrayed your trust.
SO does paying to have sex count? Coz Im sure most guys who go to a prostitute dont really have many feelings for the girl. They just wanna get their rocks off.

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Nicole, I agree with you, being cheated on while not expecting it is a pretty shitty feeling.
as opposed to the times when we DO expect it? cant imagine that happens too often \:\)
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No, as opposed to the times it's sn agreed upon situation. C'mon, try to follow along. ;\)

 

Of course prostitutes count. Are you mairied maoriboy? How would you feel about your wife or GF paying for meaningless sex?

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I'm not recommending sex outside the marriage, or saying that's it's a good thing. I don't think it is. Please remember that my comments were directed at nicole's ignorant (in my experience) statement that a man who cheats in his first marriage is likely to do so in his second marriage. He's likely cheating in his first marriage a) because he isn't satisfied with his first wife because she isn't keeping her part of the agreement and B) because he's got kids and other investments in life that he wants to protect while looking for a second wife. Unless he's a complete idiot, he won't be looking to make the same mistakes the second time around.

 

I think in that case, regarding the marriage contract as null and void may be justified, especially if the man has given due warning. I've seen examples of this, and cases where 'cheating' has woken the wife up to her responsibilities, and cases where it hasn't. I asked who sees things in black and white and also has children, because having children places constraints on your freedom of action.

 

nori-chan, 'love and cherish' means heartfelt sex when circumstances allow, even if it makes the kids roll over in their sleep. Until somebody has not been loved and cherished because it would wake up the kids, I have to wonder if they know exactly how it feels.

 

Anyway, if you can avoid this sort of situation, all the better. But I know a lot of people who haven't.

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Wow, according to you all men are saints. While I agree that in some cases the cheating is an isolated event, in many it isn't.

 

In fact, I work with three men who have been divorced multiple times - the reason? They can't keep their dicks in their pants. The sickening thing is that they're actually proud of it.

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 Quote:
Originally posted by Ocean11:

I've seen examples of this, and cases where 'cheating' has woken the wife up to her responsibilities, and cases where it hasn't.

:rolleyes:
I can't believe I just read this O11. Just let me see if I understand what you just said. Um, "cheating" was a necessary tool to "wake" the wife up to her responsibilities. Hmmm, no amount of justification is gonna bring me around to that line of argument where you flip it back on the wife and make it ok for the guy to cheat because she needed to be "shown" what was wrong in the relationship. Or vice versa for that matter, with the girl being justified cos the guy needed to be shown. That's just pig-shit. Sorry, but I'm getting bored with your "everything is grey" arguments...
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Of course prostitutes count. Are you mairied maoriboy? How would you feel about your wife or GF paying for meaningless sex?
It's not just the fact that your partner has feelings for someone else

feelings. thats what Im talking about. Would you have any feelings for a prositute kintaro, if you just happened to decide to have sex with one?
and I dont think marital status matters. Whos more at fault, the person that seduces a married person? Or the married person who commits adultery?
Damn this topic has gotten way off track me thinks........
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Feelings? Yes! I would feel bad for contributing to the prostitutes way of life but even more so for what I'm doing to my wife. And no, marital status doesn't matter. I wouldn't do something like paying for sex. Who pays for sex anyways, but desperate losers?

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