ncorrenti 0 Posted February 1, 2006 Author Share Posted February 1, 2006 Yeah, that part made me laugh. Yeah I guess I did go out a lot back then... seems like ages ago! Link to post Share on other sites
Fattwins 0 Posted February 1, 2006 Share Posted February 1, 2006 It also doesnt mean that you have to be friends with the guy. You dont have to be friends with people that you dont like. Link to post Share on other sites
ncorrenti 0 Posted February 1, 2006 Author Share Posted February 1, 2006 You're right. I will be civil to him for her sake but as for us being 'mates', there really isn't much chance of that happening. I think most of all I am a bit disappointed in my friend. She's become one of those people who immediately ditches their friends the second they get a boyfriend. That shits me. Link to post Share on other sites
charlotte 0 Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 They're not reallll friends in the long run are they? I can see how you are disappointed, I've been in a similar situation before now. Link to post Share on other sites
Fattwins 0 Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 Such is life, if she is happier then heck let her be happy. Most people that get married pretty much ditch there friends other than token phone calls etc. The more you stress about it the more she will get the fibe that you are angry. Link to post Share on other sites
Yuki's Passion 1 Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 >I think most of all I am a bit disappointed in my friend. She's become one of those people who immediately ditches their friends the second they get a boyfriend. That shits me. I like to have my GF along with me when Im out with my mates (unless its a boys night out). Also really like going out with GF's friends too. Link to post Share on other sites
echineko 1 Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 Nicole, are you in Japan? Link to post Share on other sites
ncorrenti 0 Posted February 2, 2006 Author Share Posted February 2, 2006 CB: Same. I think it's important to still be social/maintain friendships even when you're in a relationship. Echineko, no I'm in Australia. Link to post Share on other sites
sunrise 0 Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 Well, if the friendship's strong enough, once it's all over (we're assuming it will be eventually) she'll be apologizing to you. Infatuation is a powerful force and, as they say, love is blind. Don't take her stance personally, she's caught up in tunnel vision at the moment. She will learn the hard way and will be humbled, realise the truth and will need a friend at that point. I've been in a comparible situation and it created a bit of rift between me and a good friend cos we didn't see eye to eye on her guy, so there was a blind area that we couldn't talk about for a couple of years. But we've always been good friends and we're still great buddies and the guy is long gone. Everyone has to go thru their own learning experiences. If you value the friendship you will be able to sort it out once he's out of the picture. A guy I know started to have a relationship with his ex-wife's best friend a few years back and they're now married. The ex-wife, who is the mother of his kids, refused to talk to the (now ex-)best friend as soon as they first got together (and they recently had a baby). The guy had split up with the ex-wife several years before but they live nearby to each other cos of the kids and they get on welll. But hey, she's living with another guy, so why did she get upset? Scared of losing child support? Link to post Share on other sites
joshnii 2 Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 Anyone know much on the subject of child support here in Japan? Link to post Share on other sites
Davo 1 Posted February 4, 2006 Share Posted February 4, 2006 Yeah mate-you pay and you never get to see your kids. Although from what I hear child support obligations aren't anywhere near as strong as they are in Western countries. Basically zero parental rights for the non-custodial parent, and if you are a gaijin male, you will most likely be that non-custodial parent. Not much of a culture of post divorce shared parenting in this country. Of course, in the end it depends on the relationship between the divorced parents & their respective families, but legally speaking it seems pretty standard fare for one parent to become a persona non-grata. I am basing what I say on what I've observed in my own family, the experience of friends, and articles I've read. It isn't a rosy picture really. Japan is also a notorious haven for trans-national child abductions in the case of cross cultural split ups. This situation is aided considerably by Japan's lack of participation in a certain international treaty-sorry can't remember which one. Back on topic. Nicole, just out of interest, what age range are you, the friend, and the guy? People change as they get older and the guy might not be as big a prick as he used to be. Good on you for being pro-active about it though. If he was that much of a wanker to you back then, and he has in fact changed now, he should be able to face up to the criticism of his former self. Hope it works out for all of you. Wise words Fattwins-once you get married all the past goes by-the-by to a large extent. Link to post Share on other sites
lin 0 Posted February 5, 2006 Share Posted February 5, 2006 Quote: Yeah mate-you pay and you never get to see your kids. Sounds rather, er, not fair. You have personal experience of this Davo? Link to post Share on other sites
Davo 1 Posted February 5, 2006 Share Posted February 5, 2006 Not personally lin. In particular I'm thinking of one guy I know who basically had an impossible time trying to see his kids once a week. It all depended on the whim of his ex and in the end it just stopped happening. It seems there is nothing a non-custodial parent can do about this kind of situation. My neice's Father sees her occasionally and still gets on well with my sister-in-law. If he didn't he would probably never see her nor have any legal right to whatsoever. I don't think he's seen her for a few years now either. Nothing particularly unusual in this I guess-happens in any country. Thing is, when that guy told me his story, I couldn't believe his lack of rights. Initially he was paying child support and getting ever decreasing access. In the end his ex told him to shove his money as part of putting a final stop to things. In the end he has no say in the matter. As a Father I just can't imagine what that would be like. No matter how acromonious the break-up is, I just think it's wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
bushpig 0 Posted February 5, 2006 Share Posted February 5, 2006 I don't have kids, but that is damn depressing to hear. That's a really ****ed up situation to have to deal with Link to post Share on other sites
HeatherLocklearRocks 1 Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 That really sucks. Link to post Share on other sites
soubriquet 0 Posted February 7, 2006 Share Posted February 7, 2006 Davo's description sounds pretty right, whether it is Japan or anywhere else. Non custodial parents have to pay, but regardless of general legal obligations and parenting orders, the custodial parent always has the power to deny access. The problem is that each breach has to be prosecuted, and each order enforced. When she does as she did last year, move house without providing the new address and phone number, all the effing family court can do is say "we can't do anything if we don't know where she is". In Australia, FFS. I take great comfort that my ex-wife's lies and manipulations are as clear to WA's State Child Development Centre as they are to my children and me. Link to post Share on other sites
guzzlers-baps 0 Posted February 7, 2006 Share Posted February 7, 2006 That must have provided endless hair-pulling frustration for you soubriquet. Sorry to hear about that. Link to post Share on other sites
ncorrenti 0 Posted February 7, 2006 Author Share Posted February 7, 2006 The laws do tend to lean in favour of the mother, which is quite unfortunate in some cases, especially the ones described here. The thing is, unlike you guys, there are a lot of deadbeat dads out there. A woman I work with has a two-year-old daughter with her now ex-boyfriend. He refused to pay child support for almost a year, and only does so now because family services intervened and took him to court for failing to pay up. Apparently he called her up a few weeks ago and gloated about the fact that he'd gotten his new girlfriend pregnant. When she asked him why he was so happy about it, he gloated "well it means I won't have to pay you as much child support". What's worse is that he doesn't give a crap about the kid. He is meant to see her every second weekend, but he never shows up. He missed her first birthday party because he wanted to go fishing instead. Nice huh? I guess the system is the way it is because of guys like him - which is sad because it ruins it for the dads who pay their child support and want to spend time with their kids. Link to post Share on other sites
misorano 1 Posted February 7, 2006 Share Posted February 7, 2006 Japan's system sucks. For horror stories see: CRN Website Link to post Share on other sites
soubriquet 0 Posted February 7, 2006 Share Posted February 7, 2006 Quote: Originally posted by nicole: I guess the system is the way it is because of guys like him - which is sad because it ruins it for the dads who pay their child support and want to spend time with their kids. Amen to that. Don't forget the kids who actually want to spend time with their dads, either. Children often don't get much adult respect in this kind of mess. Link to post Share on other sites
Davo 1 Posted February 8, 2006 Share Posted February 8, 2006 That sounds really hard soubriquet, but at least your kids are on your side. Deadbeat dads are pretty common for sure and I think they should be made to pay up even if they can't be bothered trying to be a father. The real shame is all the negativity it creates for the kids involved. BTW sorry for hijacking the thread nicole Link to post Share on other sites
ncorrenti 0 Posted February 8, 2006 Author Share Posted February 8, 2006 That's cool Davo, it was more interesting than my little problem anyway Link to post Share on other sites
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